Repressing Thoughts-J.D

-50-

The Wedding Part 2-

We walked outside into the hallway and turned a corner so no one could see us or hear us. We travelled quite a way before spotting an abandoned bench against a wall. Josh lead me to it and we both sat down on it. I scooted to one end while he was at the other, he put on foot on it so he was facing me while I just positioned myself so that I could see him.

"How longs it been?" He asked, I shook my head not wanting to think about it.

"Like four months, almost five I think" I stared at the bench and not at him. There's was a long long silence as we sat there, I stared at him and examined all the differences in him. First of all his hair, brighter, then his eyes, sadder, then his smile, just as perfect as I remember although I hadn't seen it in a while. Whenever he spoke it still made me melt inside, he looked back at me with such hope I just wanted to collapse into him.

"I'm just gonna come out and say it; I miss you Sage. So much." He said, I looked up and his eyes looked desperate. I didn't know what to say, I stuttered for a while as my words formed in my head but overall I had lost them.

"I'm just...scared" I said, not wanting to sound too emotional or cringe worthy but ended up doing exactly that. He looked confused and slightly agitated, I didn't like it.

"Of what?" He asked, trying to move closer to me. He looked towards the other side of the hall as he waited for my answer.

I answered quickly just so he would look at me again.

"Of...not ever having this" I motioned towards the wedding. "Of wasting my time on someone when I could be with the one who's going to give me this" He turned his eyes towards me but they were dumbfounded.

"Are you saying you are ready for marriage now?" He tried to understand.

"I don't know, maybe. When we were together, I was so uncertain of what you wanted in the future with me. I didn't even know if you wanted me in your future" I confessed. He shook his head, now he was annoyed.

"That's not fair." He said, I was shocked at his insensitivity. "You told me that you weren't ready for marriage at the beginning of our relationship. I figured when you were you would let me know but you never did so I assumed you didn't want it. Now you are really sitting here telling me the reason you think we aren't going to work out is because you think I don't ever want to marry you?" He asked as if it were absurd.

"That's not what I mean, a future isn't just about getting married and having children. I meant that I didn't know whether we were going to work out long enough for me to want to marry you and you for me" I explained. I was angry at myself for initiating this because fighting with him was like kicking a puppy; just horrible and morally wrong.

"I've wanted to marry you since the day I met you Sage" he said whole heartedly. I closed my eyes and tried to stop the tears from coming, it's everything you dream of to hear someone say that to you...but I didn't know whether to believe him.

"Now is not the time to lie" I looked down at the bench.

"When I spoke to you getting off that bus, I literally gave you my heart in the form of a coffee cup. When we sat together at that dinner, I knew I wanted to marry you" he reached out for my hand and I let him take it. "I don't care if you want to wait, I'll wait, as long as it takes" I know I challenged his intentions but now he was scaring me. What was wrong with me?

"Okay" I smiled but I just wanted him to stop talking. He squeezed my hand and brought it to his lap.

"I spoke to Debby" he started, I went to remove my hand from him but he clutched it tightly. "When you kept saying over and over that I loved her; it confused me. I didn't know whether I did and I wasn't seeing it or something else" I looked at the floor, the wall, anything other than his face. "I don't love her Sage. I love you and only you." He said and for the first time, I actually believed it.

"What do you mean you spoke to her?" I asked suspiciously. Now it was his turn to shy away, he looked as if he had done something.

"I went to her house and asked her whether she loved me, she told me she didn't but that didn't change anything for me so I kissed her to see how I felt but I didn't feel anything, I just wished it was you the whole time." He explained, I just sat there silently as he had just told me he had kissed her. I could tell he was frustrated that I didn't get it. "I don't love her! I love you!" He bursted, I closed my eyes and smiled. He loved me, and only me. "Only you" He smiled as I opened my eyes.

"I don't want you to think that I'm trying to force you to stop seeing her" I placed both of my hands on his cheeks to focus him. He shook his head in between my hands, his eyes became lighter.

"I promise to tell you when I see her" he said softly. I nodded to let him know I understood but I still had a layer of doubt in my mind.

"Why did you keep it from me?" I asked as I moved closer to him, he put his hands on my legs and moved one up my thigh.

"I didn't want to hurt you" he said in a weirdly seductive way.

"You hurt me by keeping it from me" I said seriously but his hands reached my back and pulled me so I was practically on his lap.

"I regret it more than you will ever know because it meant I lost you. I will never risk it again" his lips were so close to my face I moved one hand through his hair and the other along the side of his neck. Touching him was making me so happy that I almost forgot what we were talking about. I placed one leg on his lap to tell him to keep touching me.

"I've missed you" I whispered, he waved his lips around mine to show his uncertainty of whether to kiss me or not. I felt his breath on my face and took a deep breath to prepare myself. I had been waiting to kiss him for months and now I was millimetres away; literally.

"Can I-" he started but before he could finish I pushed my lips onto his. His head moved back in shock at first but then he pushed back to kiss me. My hands stayed on each side of his head while his roamed over my body and legs. The kiss was desperate and heated, he bit my lip suddenly causing me to moan in pleasure. I ran my hands through his yellow hair and pushed on his neck to try and bring him closer to me if it was even possible. Eventually we broke apart, breathing heavily in the small gap between us, he chuckled slightly which made me smile. I placed my hands on his cheek and leaned over to kiss him behind the ear, he chuckled as I pressed my forehead to his and couldn't stop myself from smiling.

"I want to dance" I said, he removed his head from mine and smiled.

"Let's go" He replied. We stood up walked back into the wedding reception, Josh had a hand on my back as we walked in while I walked happily next to him. I looked around to see Sarah and Brendon sat on their table.

"Go and dance with Tyler, I'll meet you there" I smiled, he kissed my cheek and walked onto the dance floor. I rushed over to Brendon and Sarah, giggling like a school girl.

"Hey!" Sarah smiled. "I saw you with Josh, You alright?" She asked almost immediately. I just grinned so they caught on quickly.

"Oh yay!" Sarah squealed, I looked at Brendon expectantly.

"Is this a good idea?" He asked, Sarah hit him as I frowned.

"Oh shut up Brendon it's a great idea" she grinned.

"Okay I'm gonna go dance" I smiled and went to walk away, Brendon grabbed my hand as I turned.

"Save me a dance" he smiled, I smiled back and let out a tight breathe before walking towards Josh.

He spotted me from the dance floor and held out his hands to me, I jogged forward to him and held his hands. He pulled me towards him and I put one around his shoulder, he clutched my hand and we danced cheerfully to an upbeat song. He spun me around but let go of my hand so I spun away from him, I crashed straight into Tyler who just grabbed my hands and continued to dance with me. He spun me round and round as I laughed loudly, he let go and I spun back to Josh. He was grinning towards me as we danced around, I leant up and kissed him. He stopped moving so he could focus on the kiss, he gripped my back and pulled me towards him. I pulled away and just smiled up at him, he had lipstick all over him so I rubbed my hands against his lips to remove it.

"This year is going to be good" he winked before kissing me slowly. I pulled away for a moment to tell him something I had being dying to tell him since he walked out my apartment months earlier.

"I love you"