Repressing Thoughts-J.D

-27-

"You're over reacting!" Josh exclaimed, I sent him a death stare and threw my controller on the floor.

"You cheated!" I yelled, he laughed at me.

"You're just a sore loser" he edged closer to me but I moved back. "But you're my sore loser" he cooed. I grinned and pressed my lips against his, his hands travelled up my waist and round to my back. He crawled on top of me and deepened the kiss, I let his hands roam freely around my body before I had to pull away.

"We have to go, you have a show" I told him, he nodded before kissing me one last time. I held onto him so he didn't move to far away from me.

"I like doing that" he grinned at me, I stroked his hair and smiled into his eyes. I kissed him and lingered for a while, soaking up the moment. I loved moments like these where it was just him and I in each other's company.

I did my usually routine of collecting the stuff from the bus after the show and bringing it to the makeup room. I made two trips before seeing him, he was standing backstage out of sight until I had finished all of my trips. Then he walked out right in front of me.

"Jacob! What are you doing?" I whisper yelled. I didn't want anyone to see us so I pulled him into an empty dressing room.

"I want to talk to you" he answered me.

"What could you possibly have to say to me?" I asked, I crossed my arms to show I meant business. He took one step forwards so I took one step back, I was not happy with him. Who would be?

"You mean to tell me that after everything, after how I left you, you have nothing to say to me?" He protested, I looked away from him.

"What do you want?" I asked, my voice cracked as my weakness started to show.

"To apologise, for what I did. You at least deserve a an apology" he started, I looked him in the eye again and shifted my body.

"And?" I asked him to continue.

"I spent the last year here in Australia trying to get over you. I thought I didn't want to marry you but I can't get you out of my head Sage" I froze at his words and started shaking head.

"I don't want to hear this" I mumbled but he continued.

"It's you Sage, it's always been you" he managed to get out. I continued to shake my head.

"I don't want to hear this" I repeated but he wasn't listening still.

"I want to marry you Sage, I've tried to leave you alone. I didn't come to see you at Christmas, I knew you wouldn't want to see me but I can't stay away. I love you" he reached for me but I pushed him away.

"No you don't" I told him.

"I do, I love you Sage" he frowned because I wasn't responding the way he wanted.

"If you loved me you wouldn't have left me three months before our wedding" I yelled, he nodded.

"I got scared" he excused.

"You could've talked to me, I would've understood" tears streamed down my face without my consent. I wiped them away quickly as I waited for his reply.

"I can't stop thinking about you, I get that I just up and left and I shouldn't have but you are here right now. That's a sign, the universe is trying to bring us together" he talked like a crazy person.

"You're acting crazy" I told him, he shook his head.

"Come away with me Sage, I love you. I can make this up to you. I can give you the life you deserve" he clutched my arms, I sobbed quietly in front of him. The only thing I could think about was Josh, if I left I would hurt him and he doesn't deserve that.

"I'm not you Jacob, I can't just leave" I shook my head at him and he squeezed my arms tighter.

"C'mon, we can go back to Vegas. We can get married like we planned, I'm not afraid, I love you Sage please" he begged. Josh. Josh. Josh. Josh. Josh.

"Why are you ready now? What's changed?" I asked, he let go of me and moved back.

"I thought I didn't want to marry you, I left you before I made things worse. I realised I was wrong when I couldn't stop thinking about you. Forgive me Sage, forgive me" he begged. I thought about it for a while, I wiped my tears and stared at him.

"I forgive you" I whispered, a big smile spread across his face. He grabbed my face as if he was going to kiss me, I took a sharp breath and pushed his off me.

"Let's go, get your stuff, c'mon" he grinned.

"I can't leave with you Jacob" I shut him down. He frowned again although he looked frustrated. "I forgive you for being a grade A ass but that still doesn't change the fact that you have emotional scarred me" I started to compose myself tell him what I had been preparing in therapy for the last year.

"It's because of him isn't it?" he gritted his teeth and clenched his jaw. I nodded, I swallowed my pride and looked him in the eye.

"I love him" I confessed. Jacob took a step back and sighed.

"I love you more" he said childishly. I shook my head.

"That doesn't matter, you lost my love and trust. You will never get that back" I breathed.

"You love him?" He asked, I nodded.

"I do. I love him. I love Josh" I repeated, my heart raced as I spoke.

"Does he love you?" He asked, I shrugged.

"It won't change anything between you and I if he doesn't" I explained, he nodded.

"I'll just go then" he kissed me on the forehead and left the room.

"Sage!" I heard Jenna call as I left the room. I turned to see her walking towards me. She noticed the back of Jacob walking down the hall and frowned.

"Is that him?" She asked. How did she know about Jacob?

"Who?" I asked, he gave a look as if I were dumb.

"Your ex?" She answered, my eyes widened.

"How did you...?" I trailed off.

"Josh is waiting for you at the hotel" she informed me, I nodded and she walked away. I was so confused but kept my cool as I walked away from the arena and back towards the hotel.

When I reached my hotel room Josh was packing my stuff into my suitcase.

"What are you doing?" I yelled, he looked up with tear stained eyes.

"Well you're leaving aren't you? Better get your stuff packed" he said aggressively.