Repressing Thoughts-J.D

-21-

Josh's POV

I leapt off the stage, hoping to be met with Sage but she was no where to be seen. I took a towel from the table and started to wipe myself down. I put my shirt back on and made my way to the dressing room, hoping Sage would be in there.

"Hey Sarah have you seen Sage?" I asked as I walked in. She shook her head and I started to get worried. I looked everywhere, I wandered up and down all the halls and backstage until I met Jenna in the hall.

"What did you do?" She yelled at me. My eyes widened, Jenna had never yelled at me before.

"What?" I asked in confusion.

"I just saw Sage on the bus, she was crying" she started, my heart stopped for a second.

"What? Why?" I asked, cutting her off.

"She said, and I quote, 'He saw Debby'" My heart fell into the massive pit in my stomach. "What did you do to her Dun?" She interrogated.

"I need to find Sage" I pleaded but she stopped me.

"No, you need to tell me what you have done and let her have some space" she ordered me.

"Debby spent part of Christmas with me in Ohio" I confessed. Jenna placed both hands on my chest and shoved me as hard as she could, I deserved it.

"You idiot!" She shouted, I nodded. Tyler entered the hallway looking very confused.

"What's going on?" He asked.

"Debby spent Christmas with Josh, Josh didn't tell Sage and now Sage has found out and is obviously upset" Jenna explained. I had already told Tyler all of this so he just shook his head at me.

"I know Jen, he told me before, I was going to tell you but he swore me to secrecy" he defended himself. She rolled her eyes at him.

"Why didn't you tell him to tell her!" She yelled.

"I did! He obviously didn't listen to me, which he should always because I'm always right" Tyler yelled and shoved me afterwards.

"Okay guys, we get it. I messed up but can I go and sort it out with her now?" I begged, I wanted to see her so badly. I couldn't imagine what she was feeling right now.

"Okay let's go back to the hotel" Jenna said. I felt awful, I wanted to tell Sage so badly but I didn't want her to be mad at me but now the only thing that scared me was that she would think I still love Debby, she might leave me.

When we arrived at the hotel I ran up to our room, it was empty. I turned to Jenna and Tyler in a state of panic.

"She's not here! Where is she?! She's not here!" I panicked.

"I will go ask the concierge." Jenna said and flew back down the stairs.

"Ty, she's gonna leave me"I panicked.

"No she isn't, you were just an idiot and you need to tell her that" he advised.

"It's not like I asked Debby to come, she just showed up and my mom likes her but I know she likes Sage more I know it" I mumbled.

"Josh calm down everything is going to be okay"

"No! I hurt her, I lied to her and now she's gone. What am I going to do?" I slid down the hotel wall and threw my head in my hands.

"You are going to wait here while Jenna and I try and find her. When we do we will bring her back and you two can talk." He explained.

"Why do I have to wait here?" I asked, I wanted to find her so badly, why was I the person that had to stay here.

"Because you messed up and it's you who hurt her so I'm not sure you are the one she wants to see when she's feeling like this" he tried to explain in the nicest way possible.

"Ty, find her please. She could be having a panic attack, someone could've taken her, she could be freezing to death, please" I begged.

"I'm gonna find her, go inside and try not to freak out too much" he advised. Jenna ran back along the hallway towards us.

"Okay the guy said he saw a girl who looked like Sage walk in and then walk out again but he didn't see which way she went" she recalled. I groaned.

"She hates me" I felt tears prick in my eyes.

"No she doesn't, get it together" Tyler said, I shook my head, unable to feel like a horrible human being. "Okay let's go and find her" he said, he ran off while Jenna stayed for a second.

"Trust is so important to a girl Josh, what did you expect would happen? That she wouldn't find out?"

"I was going to tell her" I cried.

"Did you not feel guilty?" She asked, I looked at her in the eyes.

"Immensely but I preferred her to be happy"

"You just have to tell her the truth Josh, which is..." she wanted to know more.

"Debby showed up unannounced, my mom invited her in and I felt very awkward about it. She stayed for a few days but I didn't speak to her unless I had to until the last day when she wanted to speak to me about Sage" I smiled thinking about our conversation.

"What did you say about Sage?" She asked.

"She asked me whether I liked her properly or not and I said yes, she then asked me whether I had more feelings for Sage than her and I said yes and then she asked me whether I loved Sage" I stopped there.

"Oh Josh" I felt the sympathy fly through Jenna. "What did you say?"

"I said yes" I confessed shyly. "But I know she's going to take longer to get there and she might never get there now because I'm such an idiot" I threw my head back in my hands.

"Josh, it's going to be okay. You tell her the truth, you don't have to tell her you love her but tell her the other part and that's all you can do" she advised.

"We haven't had enough time together, we've been dating almost two months. That's nothing! If you and Tyler broke up at least you would know you had many great years together" I mumbled.

"Josh-" I cried out, cutting her off at the thought of our conversation earlier. Jenna's eyes widened at my outburst.

"She was literally telling me how happy she was earlier, I've screwed it up so much. I've made her run away, be sad. Jenna she's sad and it's because of me" I panicked.

"Josh, shut up. You sound crazy, go inside your room and wait for Ty and I to find her, which we will" she stood up and I grabbed her arm.

"Call me the minute you do" I demanded, she nodded as I stood up and walked into the hotel room.

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