Repressing Thoughts-J.D

-43-

Josh's POV

"Jenna's flown to LA to see Sage" Tyler said as he walked into their spare bedroom where I was sat. I had my head in my hands and I really needed to just talk to my best friend.

"That's nice" I said bitterly. Tyler sat on the bed next to me and let out a breath.

"What happened?" He asked, I looked at him with my red raw eyes.

"She's making excuses to break up with me because she's scared. She doesn't love me anymore." I moaned, it hurt to say it but it was true.

"What was her excuse?" He asked.

"That I was still in love with Debby because she found out that I had been secretly meeting her" I explained, Tyler's eyes widened and then he laughed slightly.

"What the frick Josh. You don't think that's wrong?" He asked, I looked up at him as if he was stupid. Which he isn't, he's right...all the time.

"Of course it's wrong but..." I lost my thoughts as I stared at Tyler.

"If she met Jacob behind your back would you be angry?" He asked, I thought about it and then nodded.

"Jacobs different-" I started to defend but Tyler waved his hand in front of me.

"It's no different Josh." He stated, I threw my head in my hands and a few tears fell. "What did she say?" He asked.

"That a love Debby" i said through gritted teeth. He shuffled slightly before letting out a sigh.

"And do you?" He asked, I looked at him as if he was crazy but then I started to think. Was Sage right? Did I still love Debby? I know I love Sage but can you love two people at the same time?

"I...I don't know." I turned my head, suddenly realising my issue.

"Dude" Tyler laughed at how ridiculous this was. "Seriously, you're telling me after all this time with Sage that you may actually still love Debby?" He said as if it was unbelievable.

"I love Sage. I know that." Everything started to run round my head, I suddenly didn't know what I wanted anymore. I loved Sage but maybe I still loved Debby so I can't be with Sage because that's not fair.

"I think you need time away from both of them and whichever one you miss or want more is the one you love truly" he advised.

"But I love Sage" I said without thinking.

"So why can't you just let Debby go man!" He laughed. I shook my head not knowing. My mind was messed up.

"I just can't seem to say no when she asks to see me" I said very agitated with myself.

"Can you live without Debby?" He asked simply. There was a long pause before I answered.

"Yes" I answered

"Can you live without Sage?" He asked.

"I don't want to...but I'm going to have to" i threw myself back onto the bed and a tear fell.

"I've never seen you cry over a girl before" he said, stunned.

"You should've seen me when we were fighting, I was so angry but also I could see where it was heading so of course I was in tears"

"Dude"

"Would you cry...if Jenna left you?" I asked, knowing the answer already.

"An oceans full man" he answered, I nodded.

"Dude I'm gonna go home and see my family, talk to Jordan and my mom" I rubbed my head as I stood up. He opened his arms and I hugged him tightly, Tyler wasn't a hugger but when he did give you a hug it was a damn good one. I've had a lot of Tyler hugs in my time and they always make me feel better.

I walked from Tyler's to mine since it was only a few blocks away, it gave me time to think but all I could think about was Sage. She looked so upset when she found out; understandably but I worried that if she was left upset and alone in that miserable apartment then she would slip back into depression. The depression that she thanked me for helping her out of...and now I'm the cause. Eventually I reached my house and knocked on the front door, my mom opened it and gave me a warm smile.

"Joshua! Welcome home!" She said as she hugged me. "No girlfriend this time? Where's Sage?" She asked, I looked at my feet and she seemed to get it. "What did you do?" She asked, I looked up at her shocked.

"What makes you think it was my fault?" I asked, offended as I walked into the living room.

"Was it not?" She asked, following me. I sat on the couch and sighed.

"It was" I gave in, she nodded and sat in the chair across from me.

"So what happened?" She asked.

"She got mad because I was seeing Debby and not telling her" I explained.

"You cheated?!" She bursted.

"No! No! I was just having coffee once in a while with Debby without her knowing and she got angry" I waited for my mom to hit me with something but she sighed. I looked at my feet expectantly.

"I did raise you to be a liar Joshua. Do you realise who've you just let out of your grasp?" She asked, I looked up at her and furrowed my eyebrows.

"What?" I asked, confused.

"That girl was your future. You've messed it all up for a girl that was your past." She said wisely. I couldn't believe my mom had just said that, nothing that wise had ever been said before...ever.

"She won't take me back now, not after I've caused her all this pain." I shook my head.

"No your head is in the wrong place" she agreed.

"I don't know why I can't just tell Debby no when she asks to meet up" I said to no one in particular.

"You'll figure it out" she patted my head and left the room. I prayed that I would, I didn't want to hurt Sage and the fact that I had been doing it unintentionally for a while had hurt me as well. What I would do to just see her walk in smiling and sit next to me. I could lay my head on her chest and she could stroke my hair. Instead she's in LA and I'm in Ohio, we're both heartbroken and one of us is a complete fool. *points to self*