Repressing Thoughts-J.D

-18-

"Merry Christmas!" I called as I walked down the stairs. I entered the kitchen to see my mom making pancakes while my dad read the paper. It was like my childhood was repeating itself.

"Merry Christmas sweetie" my mom replied.

"Merry Christmas Sage" my dad said from behind his paper. I kissed my mom on the cheek before walking over to my dad to do the same.

"What are we doing today?" I asked, they both shrugged before my mom put down he infamous pancakes. The kind I made Josh and Brendon in Texas, my heart ached for them.

"Well me and your father were invited to lunch by the Stevens'" my mom started, my eyes widened. Jacobs parents invited my parents over for Christmas lunch? Our parents always got along even if they didn't like Jacob. He avoided both sets of parents if possible and dragged me down with him.

"Is...he...here?" I stumbled, my dad lowered his paper slightly as if he wanted to know the answer too.

"Yes. That's why I politely turned them down, said we had a visitor for Christmas this year." She smiled.

"Did you tell them it was me?" I asked, panicking like hell.

"No of course not!" She beamed.

"You can fill in the blanks though honey, I'm sure he knows" my dad muttered. I threw my head in my hands, this is the last thing I wanted on Christmas Day.

"You should go" I replied after a while, they both looked at me surprised. "You guys are friends, I can't just waltz in here and tell you to not see them" I confessed.

"It's Christmas and you are here with us. I'm not leaving to go to go someone else's house!" My mom exclaimed.

"Especially your ex fiancés" my dad added, my mom shot him a glare but he just shrugged.

We chilled for the day, My mom made lunch and I had forgotten how good my moms cooking was. My dad was distant as always but I reminded myself to talk to him later. After lunch I helped my mom clean up and then stepped outside to call Josh.

"Merry Christmas babe" he called down the phone.

"Merry Christmas" I smiled at the sound of his voice.

"What did you get?" He asked.

"Nothing really, they didn't know I was coming. What about you?" I asked back.

"Eh just small things, nothing special" I practically could hear him shrug. "How has your day been, I want to know everything" he mentioned.

"Well I came downstairs, exchanged Merry Christmases with my parents, had lunch and have been relaxing all day basically." I explained. I knew I should've told him about Jacob but I knew he would feel weird about not being able to do anything or be there.

"Sounds good, my house is full of chaos at the moment" he laughed.

"I kind of want that, sometimes the silence in the house is too much. I don't know how they live like this" I complained.

"Never stop having children, that's my motto" he joked.

"It's alright for you, you're not the one having them" I laughed, I heard his chuckle fly through the phone and wished I could hug him or kiss him or touch him in some sort of way.

"Oh I miss you Sage" he moaned, I smiled.

"I miss you too"

"I didn't think it would be this hard without you" he said awkwardly as if I wouldn't feel the same.

"I wish you were here. My dad is being so weird around me, if you were here he would be weird around you and take it off me" I complained selfishly.

"Oh shut up, go and talk to him or something. You are only there for a week" he straightened me out.

"Okay I'm going to go, I miss you"

"Miss you too, Merry Christmas"

"Merry Christmas Joshua" I hung up and stared at my phone for a minute. I slipped it into my pocket and sat on the porch step just like the day before. I heard footsteps behind me and as if he heard my conversation, my dad fell next to me.

"Was that your boyfriend?" He asked, I nodded. We both stared out onto the dry grass, it was hardly Christmas weather, we were in the middle of a drought.

"He's a good guy" I mentioned.

"He better be, your last one wasn't so perfect" he chuckled but I just continued staring.

"I'm really sorry, about letting Jacob have that much power over me" I turned to face him, he nodded slowly.

"You met him at a young age, all you knew was him and I get that. That is me with your mother, all I know is her. Sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't. He was just a douche about it" he replied. I laughed slightly at him calling him a douche.

"You know it was about you Dad, I'm truly sorry. You are the best dad in the world and I was too stupid to realise that" I confessed.

"It's okay sweetheart. You are here now, I understand why you are here now and I thank god you are." He put an arm around me and kissed my head.

"Things are going change, i promise" I made a promise I knew was going to be hard to keep but I was willing to do it.

"As long as you are happy, I'm happy." He smiled and I smiled back at him. "So when can I meet your new dude?" He asked.

"Soon I hope, I met his parents last week and they seemed to like me so I hope you like him" I told him.

"Were they nice, that always helps?" He asked.

"I only met his mom but she was lovely" I described her to him, he just nodded throughout.

"How did you meet him again?" He asked, he seemed genuinely interested. I realised that this was the first proper conversation me and my dad had had since I arrived.

"He's the drummer in that band twenty one pilots that are touring with Brendon and Panic!" I revealed, he nodded but then frowned.

"Are you sure that's a good idea? Isn't Brendon good friends with him?" He criticised, I nodded.

"He was very sweet about it, he asked Brendon if it was okay and of course with Brendon being Brendon he was fine with it." I explained. He stayed silent for a while before looking out onto our abandoned garden.

"You seem happier, I mean he got you to come here which I will be sure to thank him for but other than that you seem happy." He concluded.

"I am Dad"