Lost Stars

Chapter 4 | Silence and Facade

Chapter 4 | Silence and Facade

"The things we love destroys us everytime, lad. Remember that."
-George R.R. Martin, Game Of Thrones

•••

Shane's Pov

"So ano, I guess this is goodbye." Ma-drama na sabi ni Liam, saka sila nag tawanan nila Sandrew at Ace na parang mga baliw. I rolled my eyes, saka napa iling.

Hindi kasi kami mag kaklase sa first subject, maging sa iba pa namin na mga subject. I'm guessing that the university administrators did that on purpose, para siguro kahit papaano mabawasan ang 'mishaps'. E kahit hindi naman kami mag kakasama, may gulo pa din. As Sandrew would always say, kakambal na namin ang gulo.

"Kita-kita na lang tayo sa recess." Sabi naman ni Sandrew, saka kami nag hiwa-hiwalay papunta sa mga kaniya-kaniya naming classroom.

I just passed some two to three classroom, bago ako makarating sa classroom ng first subject ko, which was 21st century literature. The only subject I put on my interest, beside science. It might be a surprise but I love reading and writing poems, poetry or prose, because that's where I let it all out---my unspoken feelings, words and thoughts.

Clutching the strap of my body bag with my right hand, huminga muna ako ng malalim because anxiety's eating me up again. Ano bang ikinakakaba mo, Shane? New classmates? Just don't give a fuck about them, gaya lang last year.

Nang kumalma ako, binuksan ko 'yung pinto ng classroom, saka ako pumasok sa overly familiar na room, dahil dito din ako nag roroom sa subject na 21st lit last year obviously. Just some new faces, because of course, new batch na 'to ng grade 11.

Good thing wala pa 'yung teacher namin, at may kaniya-kaniya naman na ginagawa ang mga kaklase ko sa subject na 'to that no one noticed my arrival, and that's a good thing.

Pero wala naman bago doon, in any other aspects, crowd, events no one notices me or give a fuck about me or my presence besides my so called "friends" and gang mates. Not even my family. I'm that kid that nobody cares about. Other people would only give a dam about me, once they found out I'm from a very rich family.

True friends are actually hard to find when you're rich, you wouldn't know if they are really after you because they wanted to be friends with you genuinely o dahil may mapapakinabangan sila.

Like when I was in elementary, nakikipag kaibigan lang sa akin 'yung mga kaklase kong lalaki noon, dahil lagi ko sila nililibre, and when we hang out in our house, they didn't even acknowledge my presence because they are all in for my toys at our house. Ever since the realization hit me, I choose not to have friends at all, naka survive naman ako na walang friends e. I'm probably one of the living breathing proof that a man can be an island without needing any cast aways.

My gang mates? They are just my gang mates, not my friends. There's a huge difference in that.

I made my way sa nag iisang vacant chair sa pinaka likod na part ng room, sa tabi ng bintana on the left. Tinanggal ko 'yung body bag ko sa katawan ko, saka sinabit sa likod ng upuan, bago ako umupo. Niluagan ko 'yung neck tie ng uniform ko dahil parang 'di ako maka hinga. Bwiset na axiety 'to, wala naman dapat ako ikakaba!

Kung may iba lang akong pupuntahan hindi na lang ako papasok, it's same shit as last year naman, tapos ito na naman pag aaralan ko ngayon, 'yung mga pinag aralan last year.

Pero kung papapiliin ako, to stay here in school or stay at our house, I'd rather be here forever than be with people who keep telling me what to do, how to act and who I should be---my family. I don't even know if they are my family at all.