Lost Stars

Chapter 41 | Void

Chapter 41 | Void

"Wag kang matakot na baka magkamali, walang mapapala kung hindi ka magbakasakali dahil, lumlipas ang oras baka ka maiwanan kung hindi mo susubukan"
-Parokya ni Edgar, Akala

•••

Sandrew's Pov

My head was pounding from the too much alcohol me and my best friends consumed last night. We literally did get drunk and high starting at noon 'till dawn and dusk, not caring about anything or anyone, not caring if tomorrow will ever come.

Kahit ma-sakit ang katawan ko, pinilit kong bumangon sa higaan, making my way to the bathroom outside this bed room, to spill my guts out. I almost tripped over, Ace na naka higa sa sahig completely knocked out.

Pag dating ko sa banyo, I throw it all out in the bowl. When I'm done, I flashed the bowl and washed my face with water in the sink. I stare at my reflection in the mirror, habang pinupunasan ko 'yung mukha ko ng t-shirt ko na hinubad ko. Fuck, I completely look like a wasted shit.

I went back to the room where I left and grab another shirt on the cabinet, as I put it on. Ace was still knocked out, ganoon din si Liam na ngayon ay naka balot na ng kumot sa higaan.

Napag desisyonan kong bumaba na, I went straight to the kitchen and grab a bottle of pincer bottle from the fridge. I opened the cap, and take a gulp on the bottle, making my way to the living room.

"Brad, may nag hahanap sa'yo sa labas." Sabi ng isa kong ka gang mate, na naka salubong ko.

"Sino?" Nag tataka kong tanong, frowning a little. He just shrugged his shoulders, making his way upstairs.

Binuksan ko 'yung pinto, and went to the extension gate of the house. I instantly grip the bottle of vodka I was holding, the moment I opened the gate. What the fuck is she doing here? And how the hell did she know I'm here.

"Anong ginagawa mo dito?" Walang gana kong tanong, looking away from her, taking a drink from my vodka---I really fucking need this right now. Kate slightly frown at my gesture.

"I came to talk to you." Sagot niya.

"Wala na tayong pag uusapan, I've heard enough at kahit mag usap pa tayo ng ilang libong beses, nothing will change." I coldly said, trying my best to glared at her, without gagging. I fucking hate her.

She sigh and her eyes are already watering.

"Please? Just let me make it up to you." Paki usap niya, that made scoff.

"Come on! Make it up to me? Ngayon pa? Bakit ngayon? You're eighteen years late." I snap at her, laughing dryly.

"Dahil ngayon lang ako nag karoon ng lakas ng loob. Sandrew, sana intindihin mo din naman ako, na hindi ko ginustong ipamigay ka, I'm too young when I had you and I don't know kung paano ka papalakihin, I gave you to Miguel and Sasha, because all I want is the best for you." Umiiyak niyang sabi, na lalo ko lang kinainis. My right hand gripping the bottle I'm holding and my left hand was form into fist.

"Best for me?! What you did fucking ruined me! All my life I never felt what it's like to have a real parents to grow up with, have the attention, the care, the... love I want! I feel like shit! You and Miguel's fucking mistake made me this! A fucking useless reject shit!" Sigaw ko, my breath was already hitching.

"I'm sorry I don't know, I thought you're rebelling because you're trying to be in, that you're fine with your real father and stepmother I-I don't know...I, I'm sorry." She said stuttering and sobbing.

"Of course you don't know! You know nothing! E ano nga bang alam mo e tinapon mo nga ako? You know what? You can fucking leave! You're a waste of time!"

"Sandrew, please! Gagawin ko lahat mapatawad mo lang ako. Alam kong mahirap pero just let me be a m---"

"Shut up!" Sigaw ko, cutting her off and taken her aback. I closed the gate in her face, storming back inside the house. Pag pasok ko, agad kong hinagis sa sahig 'yung bote, while shouting, as the bottle cracks into pieces.

I saw Liam and Ace, rushing down from the stairs and went towards me, with worry plastered in their faces that obviously just woke up.

"Anong nangyari?" Tanong ni Ace.

"Well, Kate apparently came here and said bullshits." Sagot ko, taking a seat from the couch, catching my breath. Ace and Liam, sat beside me. Then I told them everything I and Kate said.

"That's definitely bullshit---everything she said. After eighteen years of giving you away to your motherfucking father at walang paramdam, she'll came crashing down to your life again ng ganoon lang?" Said Liam, matapos kong mag kwento.

"I know, that's why I hate her more." Pag sang ayon ko.

"Don't you think it's kinda little harsh?" Sabi naman ni Ace, dahilan para mapa tingin kami sa kaniya. "I mean, after all mama mo pa din naman siya and hindi nga naman niya alam na masama tinrato sa'yo ng tatay mo."

"Kaibigan ba talaga kita? You seems like taking her side." Inis kong sabi kay Ace.

"Hindi sa ganoon, tol. Ang point ko, tao tayo, we all do make mistakes, we're not perfect. But with all those mistakes, we try to learn from it, right? Ganoon ginagawa ng mama mo. Magalit ka man sa mama mo habang buhay, yes, you all have the right to be angry at them, at her but at the end of the day mama mo pa din siya, even though hindi siya nag paka nanay sa'yo within eighteen years, atleast she's willing to do so now. Remember that quote? It's better late than never." Paliwanag ni Ace. Gusto kong ma inis sa kaniya, but then he speak again before me and Liam do so.

"Alam ko wala ako sa posisyon para sabihin 'yun, I'm just giving an opinion as your best friend. Swerte mo nga e, may mama ka pa." My heart kinda sting at the last thing he said. Watching your mom suffer and die in your young age, was obviously too much to bear, specially when you had an amazing mom. Kaya hindi ko masisi si Ace o magawang ma inis sa opinion niya, dahil may pinag huhugutan siya behind every word he said. Mom talk is definitely a sensitive topic to him.

Ace stood up from his seat, stretching making his way to the kitchen shouting what's for breakfast. Nagka tinginan naman kami ni Liam.

"It's up to you to whether accept her, give her a chance, forgive her or close her off forever man, we are just giving our opinion. We both know that me and Joan had rough mother and son relationshit, kinda like yours right now,  that's why I said what I said, unlike Ace, but it's still up to you." Sabi ni Liam, running a hand from his hair. I nodded thanking him. He pat a hand on my shoulder, before standing up and went to the kitchen.

I know what I said to Kate early was definitely disrespectful and probably will hurt her. But I want to hurt her, make her suffer as much as I did when she left me. Blame her all over again because in the beginning that's what I want when the time comes I'll meet my real parents. And then what? Will I finally be happy and contended? Will it finally fill the empty void inside me?

Napa isip ako sa sinabi ni Ace. Will it'll be worth the try, if I just forgive her after everything, ng ganoon lang? I don't know, but what I know is it won't be easy. Nothing's easy anyway.