Lost Stars

Chapter 46 | Spaces Between Us

Chapter 46 | Spaces Between Us

"The first time you fall in love, it changes you forever and no matter how hard you try, that feeling just never goes away.” 
-Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook

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Shane's Pov

Late Monday night, while probably almost everyone is about to sleep, here I am leaning on the window of the apartment I'm renting looking up at the stars, wondering if she's also looking at it too.

That night on the park was mine and Sunny's last meeting and conversation. The next day, pumunta pa din siya pinag tatrabaho-an kong fast food chain after her class, pero nag palipat na lang ako bilang kitchen crew and told one of my colleagues to tell Sunny na nag resign na ako. Since then hindi na ulit siya na punta. She tried calling me and she texted me too, but none of them I answered.

It's all been like that for one week, and I honestly missed her. Her eyes, her laugh, her smile, her thoughts and remarks about almost everything. Pero it's better off this way, para masanay na din ako, when I leave for Texas two weeks from now. Malinaw ng goodbye 'yung mga binigay ko sa kaniya.

I was back from reality, when there was a knock on my apartment door. Gabing-gabi na sino naman ba kaya 'yun? I walk towards the door, and opened it to see Sunny's standing there, with a frown on her face.

"What...what are you doing here?" Mag kahalong pag tataka at gulat kong tanong.

"Iniiwasan mo ba ako? Anong ginawa ko?" Nag tataka niyang tanong. I sigh.

"Gabi na, ihahatid na kita pa-uwi." I said, stepping outside. I grab her wrist but she shove it away.

"Hindi ako uuwi hangga't 'di ko na lalaman kung bakit mo ako iniiwasan." Pag mamatigas niya, that made me lose my cool.

"You wanted to know?" Pag hahamon ko. "Because within less than two weeks, I'm leaving for good papunta sa Texas to fullfil my dreams and you know why I'm avoiding you? Because I don't want to let myself to fall for you even further that I already am, when I know I have to leave you soon."

Her eyes started to water and her parted lips, was trembling and it hurts me seeing her like this, what's more hurting is that I'm the reason why she's like this.

"Dati ko pa naman 'to plano e, dati ko pang gusto ko mag paka layo-layo and then you happened. You're making it hard for me because I already found myself falling for you, God knows how much I adore you, so avoiding you makes it easy for me." Paliwanag ko.

"I... I'm happy for you." She said stuttering and tried her best to smile at me, but that smile looks broken. She turns her heels and start walking away from me.

And I never hated myself like this before.

I just stood where she left me, I can't find the courage to follow her, because I don't know what upsets her, me having feelings for her or me leaving. At higit sa lahat hindi ko na siya sinundan dahil duwag ako.

I found myself drinking my third bottle of beer in the nearest bar blocks away from my apartment. Na alala ko lang din nung mga panahon na kasama pa ako sa bad blood, madalas kami na sa ganitong klaseng lugar nila Sandrew, Liam at Ace. The only people I made "friends" my whole eighteen years of existence, besides Sunny.

Oh, Sunny. I always hated girls, not because I'm gay, it's because of my mom and sister, I found girls annoying and then there goes, Sunny who came crashing down my life and now crashing my heart.