Lost Stars

Chapter 16 | Too Good To Be Bad

Chapter 16 | Too Good To Be Bad

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul."
-Willian Ernest Henley, Invictus

•••

Sandrew's Pov

After one and half hour of philosophy class, sa wakas na tapos din. Success din naman 'yung report namin ni Trinity, kung saan ako nag explain lahat, dahil requested ni Miss Kate. Buti nga may na sabi ako.

Nag uunahan na palabas ng classroom ang mga block mates ko. Lalabas na din sana ako, ng tawagin ako ni Miss Kate. Lumapit ako sa table niya and stood in front of her.

Ano na naman kaya ginawa ko this time?

Nakita ko naman na lumabas na din si Trinity ng classroom, lumingon pa siya at nginitian ako. I smiled back a little bago siya tuluyan lumabas ng classroom.

Pinaubos muna ni, Miss Kate 'yung laman ng room bago mag salita. "What are you trying to impose, Sandrew?" Seryoso niyang tanong. Kunot noo ko naman siyang tiningnan.

"Anong ibig mong sabihin?" Nag tataka kong tanong.

"This," sabi niya, sabay patong ng isang papel sa table niya.

"You have the highest score sa essay na pina gawa ko sa inyo last week. I purposely change the topic na ginamit last year, para wala kang advantage, but still you're the highest."

"Ako, highest?" Pag kaklaro ko.

"Yes, and you did very well on your report earlier." Sagot niya.

"Your point is?" Walang gana kong tanong.

"You're an intelligent boy, Sandrew. Why do you have to repeat a year? Why are doing this to yourself? Being a be rebel, to what?" Medyo inis niyang tanong.

"I had my reasons. Personal reasons." Sagot ko.

Bumuntong hininga si Miss Kate, bago mag salita ulit. "Pero kung ano man 'yang dahilan mo, it's not a reason para sirain mo ang buhay mo. You're too good, to be bad."

I just pursued my lips, dahil hindi ko na alam isasagot o sasabihin ko. Pero aaminin ko naman na may impact sa akin 'yung sinabi niya.

I'm actually starting to question myself. Is what I'm doing even worth it?

I don't know. I don't fucking know.

Basta ang alam ko, masaya ako sa ginagawa ko at itutuloy ko 'to...or am I really?

"You can go now. I hope to see you tomorrow in my class." Neutral na sabi ni Miss Kate.

I made my way palabas ng classroom, at tinawag ulit ako ni Miss Kate. Walang gana ko siyang nilingon, giving her a 'what' look.

"You should stick with Trinity, she's seems like a good influence to you. I was actually surprised that you made a report and you didn't ditch my class para umiwas sa report mo like ginagawa mo last year. Mahawaan ka man lang niya ng ka unting kabaitan." Miss Kate, said in humour.

I just smirked at umiling-iling bago tuluyan na lumabas ng classroom, para pumunta sa sunod kong klase.

"Bulaga!" Pag attempt na pag gulat sa akin ni Trinity, pag labas ko ng klase, but she failed. I just look at her with a poker face. Naka tayo siya sa gilid ng pinto, giggling.

"Kanina ka pa diyan?" Tanong ko.

"Oo, pero wala akong na dinig, promise!" Sagot niya, raising her right hand.

"Sure." Naka smirk kong sabi. "E ano ba kasing ginagawa mo pa dito?"

"May sasabihin ako sa'yo."

"Na crush mo ako? Baby, I already know." Mapang asar kong sabi.

"Ew, hindi!" Pag depensa niya, na ikinatawa ko naman.

"Ano nga sasabihin mo?" Tanong ko ulit, shoving my hands sa bulsa ng suot kong slacks.

"I mentioned you before diba? Na artist mama ko." She did mentioned it noong gumagawa kami ng report for philosophy. Na kwento din niyang her mom was originally a police officer dati, gaya ng papa niya, nag resign lang mama niya, noong pinag bubuntis nito kuya niya, since then hindi na siya bumalik sa serbisyo at nag focus na lang sa kanila mag kakapatid and her other hobby, which was painting.

Dahil din sa pag papainting ng mama niya, nagkaroon ito ng sariling art museum. Pinakita din ni Trinity sa cellphone niya 'yung latest works ng mama niya and it was all amazing.

Na alala ko din na ninang pala ni, Margo'yung mama niya and her parents and my non-biological parents are close friends. Pero hindi pa din naman alam ni Trinity na ampon lang ako. Para saan ba?

"Oo, ano meron?"

"Na kwento ko kasi ikaw sa kaniya---'yung talent mo sa art. Tapos pina kita ko sa kaniya 'yung mga paintings mo na pinicturan ko last week and she want some of your works to be featured on her art museum, may commission ka siyempre. May upcoming art exhibit kasi siya this Friday." Paliwanag ni Trinity. Napa nga-nga at nang laki naman mata ko sa gulat dahil sa sinabi ni Trinity sa akin.

"Real talk 'yan?" Hindi ko maka paniwalang tanong. She genuinely smiled and nodded. Then I smiled widely.

"Shit! Thank you!" Masaya kong sabi, hugging Trinity, na ramdam ko naman na ikinagulat niya. I don't care, I'm just way too happy right now.

This is like my dream, simula noong nag start akong mahilig sa painting. Self expression lang talaga ang pag papaint ko, wala sa isip kong ibahagi 'yun sa iba, dahil tingin ko it wasn't good enough. That's why this is overwhelming and flattering for me.

Then suddenly, bigla akong nakaramdam ng lungkot. This is like a big achievement for me, yet there's no one out there na sasabihin sa akin, "Anak, I'm proud of you.". Pero nag kibit balikat na lang ako, dahil wala naman bago doon. Sanay na ako that no one gives a damn, if I did something good, but when I did something wrong sa paningin nila, I have their attention.

Life's suck---specifically mine.

"By Thursday afternoon, dalhin mo na lang sa bahay 'yung mga paintings mo na nirequest ni mama." Sabi ni Trinity, habang nag lalakad kami papunta sa sunod niyang klase.

"Hindi ko alam bahay niyo."

"Text ko sa'yo 'yung address." Naka ngiti niyang sabi. She got my phone number, when I ask for hers noong gumawa kami ng report sa philosophy. Simula noon, I often tease her on text, kapag napag tripan ko.

"Okay." Tipid ko naman na sagot at finally na hatid ko na siya sa next class niya and I am late myself sa susunod kong klase, but I don't give a single fuck.

"Uh, papasok ka ba mamaya sa contemporary arts?" Tanong niya.

"Oo naman, para sa'yo." Sagot ko, sabay kindat. Inerapan naman niya ako, saka wala ng paa-paalam na pumasok sa classroom ng sunod niyang klase.

Pag pasok niya, napa ngiti naman ako.

Maybe I should listen to Miss Kate this time, maybe I really should stick with Trinity.