Forbidden: Afterglow

Chapter 1

-CHARLEY'S P.O.V-

   I admit. Going into angel mode is the stupidest thing I have ever done. I was still so numb from it when she woke. I'm surprised true loves kiss worked.
    I should have told her. Told her that when it hit the second week, I couldn't. I just couldn't.
    It was like being ripped apart. Half going with your lover and half stays with you. But it's only half and you feel so weak, scared and heartbrokenly alone.
    Didn't want to feel it anymore. That's my main reason. But now, I hold her to me. Hopes that when she wakes, all will be okay. That she forgives me. That she really forgives me and isn't saying it to make me feel better.
    Yes, I fucked up. If I would have said it outright and not tried to say it in the ways my mind thought was better than going straight to the point and crushing her. Which I crushed her anyway, so it really didn't matter.
    I can only hope that she does actually forgive me. I guess I should have known it may end badly. But I couldn't bare it.
    2 full weeks without anything. She looked dead but her heart still beat. And every fucking second I hated it.
    I grew mad. Really mad. Only because she left me alone when she promise she'd never leave me.
    Then I truly fucked it up. Again. If I would have just said what was on my mind, a lot less drama would have happened.
"You have a panicked breathing pattern when you overthink something."
"Oh. I thought you were resting."
"I was. I am. But what's wrong?"
"Nothing, I guess. I'm just thinking about all the things I did wrong."
"Wrong? What did you do wrong?"
"You don't remember yesterday?"
"I remember a lot of pain. I don't know why. It feels better today though." She leans up and kisses my cheek.
    Out of respect, I cannot accept the fact she may actually not remember. I have to tell her what happened because it would be wrong to move on when it all meant so much and she doesn't even remember.
"We fought. It was my fault and I'm sorry. I couldn't handle the pain of losing you for the time that I did. I switched on angel mode so I wouldn't feel it anymore. When you woke, I was trying to wake from the numbness but it made me rude, cold and I caused you pain. You took off our wedding and promise. I should have told you the truth upfront instead of trying to find an easier way that wouldn't crush you.. even though I did crush you. I just.. wanted a honeymoon so we didn't have to deal with your brother..."
"That's a lot. But I don't remember it. Any of it."
    The look in her eyes tell the truth. A second chance for me? Maybe.
"Either way, I'm glad you told me."
"It would be wrong if I didn't. Even if I wanted a second chance, it wouldn't be right."
"We worked it out, didn't we?"
"Yeah. We did."
"So nothing to worry about. I was in too much pain to really think right anyway. We both were off. So it's good now."
"Do you really not remember?"
"I don't. Just remember a shit-ton of pain."
    Her eyes tell the truth. So she doesn't remember. And she shows no anger, any type of being upset. All I see in her eyes is the normal love that I always would.
    I guess I should try to forget it too. Maybe I wouldn't feel like shit. And maybe I could love her properly.
"How are you feeling today, D?"
"Better. Hurts to really move but other than that, I'm good."
"I'm glad you're feeling better. Any answer on a possible honeymoon?"
"I don't know yet. I'm sorry you had to go into angel mode because of me."
"Have you?.." I fear of asking.
"No, no. I was close to. But I have seen it in action. It was rather sad. I'm sorry that I pushed you there."
"I wasn't in there long. Just about 2 weeks. No pain was better than crying all day. Though I still had enough humanity to want to curl up next to you."
"I'm just glad you came back to me when I came back to you. I just have been really out of it if I thought you'd leave me."
"Do you think I'd ever?"
"No. I'm always going to have a really small doubt but I am pretty sure you'd never leave me."
"I won't. I promise."
    She leans in and kisses my shoulder lightly. Shoulder because any other movement with her body and she would be in pain again. And I really don't want her in pain again.
"W..Will you take a nap with me?"
"I suppose."
"And actually sleep, wifey. I can feel your weariness."
    She's right. I'm dead tired. But I've been in healing all the whole time I've been holding her. And it seems to have helped just a little. But I've been running on no energy for a while now. I only stayed awake because I didn't want her to wake to nothing. And if she needs help, I will be there.
"I guess I can sleep."
"I love you, Charley. No matter what we've been through. Or that thingy that happened earlier. I love you still and will always."
"I love you too, baby. I love you too."
"Nap. Please."
    I pull her a little closer to me. She rests her head on my chest and almost instantly falls asleep. I fall asleep right behind her.