Forbidden: Afterglow

Chapter 30

-NINFA'S P.O.V-

    It has been the hardest week of my life. It really has. I haven't slept properly at all, even though Joel has helped.
    But now.. now I'm in the shower with my wife. And I don't know what to do.
"I wonder how long the eco was looking for us."
"I don't want to know, Valerie. I don't think you should either."
"Like. I mean. Think about it. He probably we searching for ways to be revived first."
"Valerie, please.." I sigh. "I hate myself. He made me hate myself. I don't want to talk about him. I don't want to think about him. I don't. I don't even want to remember."
"I could take your memory away."
"The memory is painful. But I need to remember so I won't ever do it again."
"But you didn't do it."
     I let the hot water rain on me. My face. Taking my breath away.
     Her arms wrap around me. She rests her head on my shoulder.
"I still love you. No matter what happened."
"You didn't see what I saw, Valerie. You saw Lucifer while I saw my wife scared shitless of me."
"Do I look scared now?"
"N..No.."
"Then it's okay. Can it be okay? You need to forgive yourself."
"You won't forgive yourself. You still blame yourself for making me do that."
"I know. I should have listened to you. But we both know why we couldn't. Can we please get pass this? Please.. I..I need you. I need my wife. I just want to be loved again."
"I never stopped loving you and I never will."
"But you're scared to touch me."
    She's right. He used me, I know that now. And I'm terrified to ever touch her again because of it.
    I still hold her while we sleep. But that's while we sleep. But I don't think I could ever...
    It's not that I don't want to hold her. I do. I'm just scared that some way I will hurt her.
"I lost you to deep thoughts."
"Y..Yeah."
"What are you thinking of?"
"You. Always you, Val."
    It's not that I don't want to love her, or make love. I'm just scared to. Because what if I'm on top and she freaks out and gets scared? I don't think my heart could handle seeing her like that again.
"I wish none of this happened. I was happy. I thought you were happy. And then.. And then it all went south and I.. I'm sick with myself."
"I..I... I think I was happy."
"That doesn't make sense."
"I was off and on happy. It had to do with being stranded for a month. Kept my kind busy with filling in the records for Finn but my mind.. The thing of it is, Ninfa, I felt like you were pulling away."
"I wasn't. I swear. I wasn't."
"I know. Listen." She sighs. "It's weird to be perfectly normal after stitching your wife's ... And then to check it after to make sure I was healing. It's weird. So I thought you'd just find me gross after. And that sunk in. Other than that feeling, I was happy."
"I love you. Your body. Doesn't matter what you've been through. You're still perfect to me."
"I know that now. I just want to get pass this. I'm healing. I'm getting my magic back. I just want to be us again."
    I turn to her. The shower water beats against my back in a soothing way as I wrap my arms around her. She has no hesitation to hold me back.
"My home is here. In your arms. Forgive yourself so I can be home without you being afraid to hold me."
"Forgive myself.. I don't know how."
"Do you believe in me?"
"Yes. Always."
"Okay. Believe that I forgive you. You must forgive yourself. I miss being home. I'm home when the might is at end and I'm asleep, that's it. I want to be home all day, all the time. I want to be held. I want your love. But you have to forgive yourself to allow that."
     I take a deep breath. "I will try."
"That is all I ask."
"I will try."
    Forgiving myself will be hard. But I will try. And even if I remain scared to hold her, I will.
    We finish the shower after finally washing ourselves. Climbing in bed, I hold onto her and she holds onto me. I miss her, I truly miss her.
"Can..Can I kiss you?"
     She smiles widely. "That is so adorable."
"N..No."
"It is. It is so adorable."
     I feel my cheeks heat quickly. Damn you, Valerie. Damn you.
"Over 25 years and I still got you flustered."
"No.. No. I is not."
    She leans in and claims my lips. I melt into the kiss. It's passionate and slow and absolutely beautiful.
    I didn't know how much I missed this. Just her lips on mine. I feel more complete now as the kiss parts.
    Her in smiles. Me in smiles. Just by a simple kiss.
"You're adorable. And I love you."
"I love you too."
    She nuzzles her face between my neck and the pillow. The warmth of her breath on my skin feels nice. Feels soothing.
    I fall asleep easily.

    Emma flopping on Valerie wakes me. I instantly take her pain away. Or at least her groin pain.
"Hey, LittleEm. What's up?"
"Couldn't sleep. Tired. Hungry."
"Ah. And what do you wish to eat?"
"Tacooos."
"Oh really? What type of shell?"
"FloWer." She says with a popped w. "Fried. And soft."
"Oh, wow. You want a full taco buffet?"
"YEEEESS.."
     I go into laughter to Valerie speaking to Emma. I can't help my smile as Valerie talks to Emma like this. I love her reactions.
"Well, I'm going to need a souschef. Do you mind helping me out?"
    She gasps and nods. I laugh lightly and so does Valerie. Emma gets up and starts running.
"I'll be down in a second, Em. Don't run down the stairs."
"OKAY." She yells.
     The second is Emma is gone, I notice something.
"Val?"
"Yeah?"
"You can't go out of the room like that."
"I know. I just need a minute."
"I..I could help.."
"No. You'd make it worse. Though I can stop time again, I don't want to do anything unless you're ready."
"What do you mean?"
      She takes deep breaths. Meditating a small bit and she goes down.
"We are fragile. I do not wish to be active while you're afraid to touch me."
"I know..."
    She takes my hand and pulls me off the bed. "I need another souschef. Cannot do it all on my own."
"You could."
"I could, yes. But don't want to. So help me."
"Alright."
    I grab Jason before we head downstairs. Emma is running back and forth in the kitchen. I laugh to it as I set him in the crib down here. The animals surround him quickly.
"Alright Emma. What type of meats do you desire?"  She says and lifts Emma up.
"Pork. Beef. Hm.. that it."
"It takes an hour for pulled pork. You sure you can do this?"
"Got my Em and my wife by my side. I can do anything."
    She summons the meats. A lot of them. Taco night consists of the family turning into pigs.
"Alright, Em. You gotta piggy back while we cook, okay?"
"Yess." She says and climbs her way around Valerie. Literally using her like a jungle gym.
    Valerie and I start working on dinner. She summons the items we need to do so and a little more. Dropping the flour and tortilla shells in the deep fryer so they maintain shape.
    Slowly dinner start a to form. I'm cutting the lettuce and other things. She handles the meats and the hard shells.
"I want beans too. And guakapolie."
    Valerie tries to hide her laughter. I burst into laughter anyway. Our kids. Our kids, man.
"Guacamole?"
"Yes."
"Okay."
     I make the beans as well. And setting up more than one of the guac. And more than one of the sour cream.
    Dinner is ready. It spreads across two counter tops. Two large, long counter tops. But all in order.
    I sent off a text to the family, out of Valerie's request.
'TACO NIGHT.'
'OH, Yes. Be down in a sec." Finnley texts.
    Dakota and the rest text the same. And as I suspected, dinner is hogged down quickly.
"I ate too much. I'm a be a fatty." Finnley says.
"I was starving.  I hogged down 4 hardshell and 3 soft with beans in 2 of them." Dakota admits.
"Holy crap, Dakota. When did you do that?" Charley says.
"When you went and got wine for us."
"That is a lot of food."
"And I could eat more. I'd regret it. But I could totally hog down the rest."
    I roll my eyes. "Yep. My children are pigs."
"I'm a piggy. Oink. Oink." Emma says. Followed by an extremely long like of oinks. She's crazy. We all are.
"You're more than welcome to the rest." Valerie speaks to Dakota.
"Oh. Oh. No. No. Nah. I can't. I'll explode."
    I laugh to this and Valerie does the same. "Sure."
    She splits the rest between Misty, Leo, Frankenstein and the lettuce to Bacon and Ham and the other greens to Drago. My family went from Valerie, Joel, Misty and I to this.. this beautiful happy big family.
    I couldn't ask for anything else. And with this, I gain hope. Hope that things will be okay. That things will work out. Hope that is helpful for what has happened and for what love is to come.
    Hope.