Forbidden: Afterglow

Chapter 60

-NINFA'S P.O.V-

    I'm going to do everything to make this up to her. And I mean everything. I'll do all I can.
     Right now, me holding her, it's what is making me stable. Even though I might fall off the bed. Even though her arms aren't around me. Mine are around her.
"I never meant for this."
"I don't think anyone did."
"Would you ever forgive me?"
    The silence is loud. Loud and deafening. Heart wrenching.
"With time."
"I'll do anything to make this right. Just ask and I'll be there."
"Okay."
"Do you still love me?"
"You have asked that like 4 times already. And each one has been truthful. Yes. I do. I'm just hurt right now."
"I just need to hear that you do. It.. It helps me."
"Allow me in your mind."
"Why?"
"Just do it."
    I open my mind to her. And she digs. Her search leads to my feelings. And she takes in all the thoughts that had come from them. But she doesn't change them.
"The thing is.. is you still don't know how badly you hurt me. Even after I showed you. But I see that you are hurt too. And I am sorry. For whatever I have done and whatever I will do, I am sorry."
"You're not the one who needs to be sorry."
"But I am anyway."
"I am sorry too. One day I hope you forgive me."
    Silence comes in again. I don't know  what this means for us. I don't know. I just know that I will do anything and everything to keep her.
"I thought you were cheating or something. The way you said that you were leaving. It sounded like you were cheating."
"No. I am not. I could never. I didn't mean to make it sound that way. I've always felt like I belonged with Misty."
"I understand you. I understand what happened and how it happened. I just don't understand why you would hurt me the way you did."
"When you were numb you called me stupid. Said I had no reason for backing up how I felt. It upset me. I just didn't want you to see me be so jealous. I honestly didn't realise I hurt you until I saw the blood. And I didn't think I was holding your wrist that tight. That's not excuse. I'm sorry for everything."
"Hm.."
"What did it feel like? To not love anyone?"
"What?"
"What did it feel like to not feel anything for me?"
"Uh.. Dark."
"Must have been better."
"Why do you ask me? And why say that?"
"Because I hurt you. A lot. I hurt you a lot."
"Love hurts."
"I don't want you to leave me.. But if you want a divorce...... I will give you anything to make this right.. Even if it kills me."
"I'm not leaving you. We have children. I won't abandon them because we are in a fight."
     I lightly kiss her exposed cheek. Things I want to say will never come out right. I want her to forgive me. I want her to love me again.
"I have to work..."
"No.. please.. just keep time stopped. Just.. stay with me. I need you to stay with me."
"My day always ends the same. I would be here again. We can talk more then."
"Valerie, please.. I.. I beg you. Please."
     She looks up to me. Her ruby eyes so dull. Yet she has her feelings. I guess I have depressed her that much...
"Why beg? You know I would be here again later."
"Later isn't now. I need to hold you. I want you to hold me. I just need you."
     Her hand lightly caresses my cheek. "My beautiful angel."
"Not beautiful. Evil and ugly. Ugly and evil."
"Don't ever call yourself ugly, Ninfa. Ever. Or think it at all. Do you understand?" She snaps at me.
"Y..Yes."
     Her hand pulls away. With a sigh. I can tell she meant... Her beautiful angel...
"I'm sorry. Maybe took that too far."
"N..No. You didn't. Just don't know if you even want me to be yours."
     Her silence is sad. But I understand. I release her from my hold and try to get up.
    Her arms wrap around me instead. My heart jumps into my throat. I almost choke trying not to cry.
"Where are you going?"
"I thought..."
"I didn't know I had to tell you again that you're mine. That should already be known."
"We just fought. I don't deserve you.. so.. I didn't think.."
"No, Nin. You'll still be mine until the day I die. Or you. Whichever first. Probably me. But yeah."
"That doesn't tell me if we are still together."
"Do you want a divorce?"
"No. D..Do you?.."
"No, love. No. I'm hurt. I just need a little while to deal with that. But I still have to keep you happy. Even if I'm not quite happy myself."
"You owe me nothing. You have no reason for that."
     Not ideal. Me falling backward.. And head landing on her workbelt. Not ideal.. And it's bloody..
    I should have hung it up... but.. I was holding her.. And she fell asleep.. And... pain.. A lot of pain.
"Ninfa..."
     It's an interesting feeling. Screwdriver dug into my skull. And.. I.. I can't be sure.. But I think her hammer was a little off the belt.. that is somewhere lodged into my back.
    Everything feels off.
"Can you hold on?"
     Trying to answer only ends up empty. A cough with a lot of blood. Hammer found. Lung. Great.
"You fucking klutz."
"Nno." I manage.
     She lifts me. Though I wish I didn't see her eyes. The sadness grows as she feels the hammer.
"I'm going to remove them. Then heal you, okay? You'll be alright, love. You'll be okay, baby. Hold onto me?"
     My body feels like jello. Like actual jello. I can't feel anything.
"Can't..." I cough with blood.
"How do you do this? Break me and then unintentionally actually break yourself."
    I want to laugh but it's not possible. The thing I'm worried about is.. with my emotional state... would I heal?
    I'm lifted. I think. I can't move. And can't feel anything. But the room is moving.
"Help me help you. I don't know what to do first."
     Trying to speak fails. Blood pooling in my mouth. Choking me.
"Hang in with me."
      I feel nothing. I can't even tell if she's trying to heal me. I can't tell anything..
"You're not healing. Ninfa. Why? Why are you doing this?"
    Sadness fills my heart. I'm.. I'm not healing...
"You can't do this to me. You can't fucking do this to me. YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME."
     I find myself in bloody laughter.
"Stop that."
"S..S..Sor..ry.."
"I need Joel. I'll be back in a sec."
     Second. Literally.
"Holy hell what happened?"
"It has all been fucked around here, Joel."
"Did you push her? Were you that hurt?"
"I swear to fuck I will kill you if you seriously think I would do that."
"Just wonderjng. You did go numb for like a day."
"N..No.." I spit out more blood.
    This is gross. Extremely. It's fucking gross.
     I feel nothing as they stitch everything. Trying not to pass out.
"Why isn't she healing?"
"Cause she's like me. Emotional state is fucking with us."
"Why haven't you guys fixed things?"
     Being able to breathe is nice. Joel draining my lungs. Enough where I can semi talk.. but.. words.. aren't all there.
"We try fix. Trying."
"I don't think you should be speaking." Joel says. Trying to find out what to do with the screwdriver.
"I can't feel.."
"Fuck. Valerie, I need something.. godseye. Or something."
"It will drain me a bit. But of course."
     I feel him pull the driver out. Everything hits me at once and I scream in pain.
"I want this fixed between you two. I don't know what is happening exactly but you're hurting each other."
"She punched me. And broke my wrist. So. We're doing a pretty good job."
"You punched her?"
"Wa..nn.. sr.." Everything blurring.
"Her speech is disrupted."
     Sudden pain everywhere makes me scream again. Him digging in my head... My thoughts so unorganized now.
     Pain... loopins.. ness.. loopiness. I'm going to pass out ..or something. I'm so weak.. I'm so very weak..
"Don't leave me."
"Nn.. "
"I love you... we can fix this.. please don't leave me.."
     I've never felt more close to death than I do right now. When I try to put things to thought, I can't. My body either feeling nothing or extreme pain.
     It all hurts.. I'm so weak.. I'm slipping and I don't know where I'll even go...
"Alright Ninfa, talk." Joel says
"W..w..weak..."
"It's something." He sighs.
      My heart beating so slowly. And I'm.. I'm.. dying.
      I'm dying. I'm dying because I fell on a screw driver. I'm dying because my idiocy. I'm dying.
"Her heart is too weak, Valerie."
"What should I do?"
"F..freeze.. m..me.."
"She's right, Valerie. Freezing her is the only way to get this right."
"I..I don't wa...nt..nt.. to d..die.."
"You're not going to die." Valerie says. Though Joel's silence changes the look in her eyes.
     He knows I'm dying too. I'm so close to slipping off the edge of this.. something.. And it's scary.
     Valerie kisses my forehead. "It will be okay. It has to be. I love you, so it will be."
     Eyes too heavy. Too heavy. Too weak.   
    I don't know where I'm going. But her sad ruby eyes is the last thing I see. I die happy knowing that she loves me.