Forbidden: Afterglow

Chapter 21

-VALERIE'S P.O.V-
  
    I do feel useless. To the point where it hurts. It sucks to have everyone else doing things for me and all I can do here is lay. And maybe get up and move around but just barely.
     I'm healing. But the pain remains. I don't know if I can handle feeling like this for a month.
     Or maybe I can look at it like Ninfa does. Maybe my purpose is to protect him like this until I can do so magically.
"So I still have a purpose?"
"Yeah. Of course you do. You have many. First off is being a mother. Another is being my wife because I know I wouldn't be able to live without you."
"You would be fine."
    She sighs. "You have no idea how terrified I was to lose you. How scared I still am."
"I'm here. Not going anywhere. I just would like to maintain a purpose otherwise I'll be useless to everyone."
"I wish you didn't see it that way."
    Weariness overtakes me. Easily takes me. Or I just fall into it.
"I love you." She whispers to me as I fall.

    The only thing in my mind is that I have to go to the bathroom. Until I fall to extreme pain.
"Valerie." She's at my side in an instant. "What did you do?"
"I..I.." I feel tears run hot down my cheeks. "I just wanted to go to the bathroom on my own."
    She kisses my forehead and takes away what pain she can. Her healing weakens me more... like.. like when she use to heal me so long ago.
    She helps me into the bathroom. And all the things I need help with. She carries me back to bed.
    I hate this. Myself. I hate this.
"Hey. Stop. Now."
"I feel fucking useless. I feel so fucking useless."
"Valerie, look at me."
     I look to her. Her hand lightly squeezes mine.
"It will be okay. It's not a crime to ask for help when you need it. I beg you, if you think you need help, let me help. I know you feel useless and I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You're not useless. You literally have a son right there who is only here because of you."
    The last time I asked for help really was for small things. Like 1 day babysitting from Joel. And that's it.
"I hate this. I mean.." I sigh. "I love Jason. I love him so much. It's just I never saw myself becoming this weak again. Being  this useless."
"She's got a point, Valerie. You have a purpose, a use, right now. And it's to be here with your son. He wouldn't be right here asleep if it wasn't for you. You're the reason he's even alive. You gave him life and he needs you to take care of him. That is your purpose. You are not weak. You are a healing mother. You are a life giver. You are useful outside of the ways you believe you're not." Misty headbutts my thigh.
    I find myself in more tears. I'm so weak and I hate it but... But I have a purpose.. even if it means needing a little help.
"It's just hard. It's just so difficult. I'm trying guys. I swear. I'm trying."
"Heh. Took you 9 months to learn to limit your powers." Leo says.
"One more month won't kill you Valerie. Besides, you get to spend every second with littleJays. Loook at him." Misty beams over Jason.
    Ninfa wipes my tears. I lean into her touch.
"Please forgive me? I'll try to ask for help. I..I promise I'll try."
    She kisses my forehead and holds me close to her. "No one is needing an apology, baby. There is nothing to forgive. I know this is hard for you, I've seen where you came from and why it is hard for you. You will be okay. If you lived through that, you can live through one month. And Misty is right. Jason is going to beside you the whole time."
     I sigh heavily and stay curled up in her arms. It's when I start to fall asleep again that sounds get to me. I wake instantly to the sound of Emma running to our room. Her heartbeat so erratic.
    Ninfa looks to me before getting up. She opens the door before Emma can even knock.
"Hi momma."
"What are you doing, Em?"
"Dakota breakfast ready. And I here to warn."
"Warn?"
"Warm?" Emma asks for correction.
"No. You were right. Just don't know why you said warn."
"Because of how yesterday was." I speak up.
    Emma runs between Ninfa's legs and jumps on the bed. Ninfa walks over, leaving the door open for the other family arrival.
"What happened yesterday?"
"Dakota nearly forced me to eat. You know how I am sometimes with food. When I'm down anyway. I don't get so hungry. So she's like up in my face saying I need to eat to have strength and stuff."
"I'm right though. Ma tell her I'm right." Dakota says, walking in with plates of food, along with Charley, Finnley and Zack.
"She's right."
"But I wasn't in your face. You just kept trying to get up a lot and I didn't want you really leaving the bed. So."
"Please don't tell her I fell.. the last thing I need is for babygirl to overwork herself more because I'm a dumbass." I use most of my strength to speak to Ninfa.
"Don't mind channel. But I won't tell her."
    We all eat. And end up watching a movie. It sucks that I begin to fall asleep halfway through but I can't help it.
     With the warmth of my home in Ninfa's arms and my family surrounding me. I fall asleep. I fall.

     Jason's cry wake me. I am held down before I can even get up.
"I got him, Val. Rest." Ninfa kisses my forehead before picking up Jason.
    I carefully sit myself up, ignoring the pain of doing so.
"Let me change him. You make the bottle."
"Are you sure?"
"Mhm."
    I reach over the bed, ignoring the pain again. Grabbing the pee sheet to put under our angry diaper boy. Do this, or he pees on the bed. This is a better alternative. 
    Ninfa hands him to me. I set him down and begin changing his diaper. It's job done before Ninfa is done with the bottle.
    He glares at me with his purple eyes. Little red from crying. I heal him in case of headaches from crying.
    Weariness drawing in closer but I also ignore it. I can stay. I'm okay.
"You know, your heartbeat changes when you use magic." Ninfa says as she walks up to the bed.
    I sigh. "I needed to see if he was okay. Crying. Headache. He had red around his eyes."
"I'm not judging. It's okay. I understand. I did the same."
    I feed Jason. And he falls right back asleep after eating. Though the faces he makes when he is asleep is confusing. Babies shouldn't be able to make specific faces, yet his changes a lot. I haven't seen him smile or anything while he's awake. I can only assume he's just having a good dream.
    Ninfa takes Jason as soon as he's asleep. She puts him in the cradle again before climbing back in bed. I fall back into her arms, weakness taking over.
"It's okay. I've got you. I love you, Val."
"I.. l..love ..you.." I manage to say before passing out.

     A lot of movement in the bed wakes me. I open my eyes to Emma crawling up between Ninfa and I. She's careful of me. My sweet girl.
"Hey, LittleEm. What you up to?"
"I want sleep with mommy."
"You can sleep with us." Ninfa says.
    I can see some sort of pain in Emma's eyes. But she takes no hesitation to fall asleep. I'm left whispering, half asleep, with my wife.
"Heal her."
"Huh?"
"Godseye is always active, even without actual magic use. I saw a pain in her eye. Heal her."
    Ninfa hurriely heals Emma. Though Emma is asleep, I know she feels better by the smile that appears on her resting face.
"What time is it?"
"3."
"So. Jason woke at like 11. I passed out. She came here at 3. What happened to a good sleep schedule?"
"We never had one."
"True."
    I still feel weak. It sucks. But. I have to look at this a better way. I have to. Or I'll go insane.
    I nuzzle into her embrace more. "I love you. I'm sorry."
"Stop saying sorry."
"I love you. I'm still sorry."
"It's okay. I love you too."
    I feel bad that I'm slipping out of reality so easily. But I need more rest. I know I do. I'm mortally weak and immortally impaired.
    I fall out of it again. Hearing her whisper me to sleep with more I love yous. Sending me to a good sleep.