Forbidden: Afterglow

Chapter 50

-DAKOTA'S P.O.V-

    They're so beautiful. They're so very beautiful. And peaceful. Very peaceful.
    I didn't think I would make it. I felt how low I was. How easy I could have died. I felt being on that cusp and it was a little scary.
    But I'm here. And in complete awe. My twins. The babies I've held for the last nine months.. it feels weird being flat stomachs again. Or being toned. It feels weird to go from pregnant whale to normal.
    It feels weird not having them with me in that way. But I'm okay with that. I'm okay with it because they're here and beautiful. They're identical and beautiful.
    I'm wondering how long I've been knocked out. I just hope it hasn't been too long. That they haven't gone without me, me putting them as a burden on my parents.
"How long was I asleep?" I turn around. To ma... mom gone?
"She had to work. And it was only 2 days. Nothing too bad. Charley helped out for the majority of yesterday. Between little cat naps. Falling asleep and waking up immediately as soon as they cry."
"T..They've already cried?" I feel so bad...
"And basically shit in my face. But. Life. Don't worry, babygirl. They weren't a hassle."
     Speaking of them crying. Not 30 seconds after the small talk with ma, Fiona starts to cry. And 10 seconds after her, Elijah does the same. My chest hurts massively. The pain almost unbearable. I think I got mom's trait...
    I take Fiona in one arm and Elijah in the other. Floating enough to just stand. Setting them both up for diaper. Because one of them shit and I can't tell which.
"D..Dakota?"
     Charley walks over to me. Still sluggish. Sleepy and adorable.
    Elijah. It was Elijah. It's terrible....
"Uh.." I turn Elijah towards her. "Your son shit. Merry Christmas."
" 'Your' ?"
     Ma bursts into laughter. And so does Finnley. Which I had no idea was awake. I wasn't intending to be funny. I just don't wanna wipe a shitty ass right now.
"Yeaaah. Yours."
    She rolls her eyes and finishes changing his diaper. I swaddle Fiona up and walk over to the kitchen section of the room. Charley on heel.
"Do we have bottles premade?"
"I made a few this morning, babygirl." Ma says for me. Did she when I wasn't paying attention?
    Heating up two bottles for the twins. Each swaddled perfectly.
    Charley lays her forehead on my shoulder. "I missed you."
"It's been like 2 days."
"Yeah, well. Still."
"Thank you.. for healing me."
"Yeah. Of course. I couldn't lose you. I couldn't."
     My heart hurts. Through all the small falls I saved Charley from, none saved her life. I saved her life when she was human. Technically once. Meaning.. she's paid me back.
    If.. if she wanted to leave, she would hold no reason to be held back by a debt of any kind. Just my heart wonders if she would want to leave me. Now that she owes me nothing...
"What's wrong?"
"Hm?"
    I prepare to burp Fiona. Teaching this little one to be unladylike before she's even a week old. This is how we do tomboy style.
"I know you. Know when you're in deep thought. Know when sad. What's wrong?"
"You saved my life."
"Okay? What's wrong about that?"
"You don't owe me a life for a life anymore. You don't have a reason to stay."
"One, I didn't stay because of a debt. Two, I will never leave you or our children. Never."
"Okay..."
"Hey. Sis. Can we game on your tvs?" Finnley asks. Pretty sure has no idea of the talk Charley and I are having.
"Sure."
"Thanks."
     I lay Fiona back in her cradle. The beautiful work created by mom. And Misty rocks both cradles with her tail while laying with my little sister and brother.
    Be honest here. This is pretty perfect. And how they go to sleep again instantly.
     9 months ago I was freaking out because I wasn't ready. But I am ready. I can see now that I am ready for this. For this adventure. I'm ready.
    Arms wrap around me. A warmth I call home.
"Strange being able to hold you like this again."
"Hands on flat stomach?"
"Yeah."
"I woke up.. And was like.. I'm not fat. It was really weird."
    Emma stirs. Along with Jason. Awake the living dead little sleepers.
    Emma waddles off to the bathroom. Stopping herself before running into the wall. The kid has skills when half asleep but when running down the hall, she's blank minded.
    Ma gets up and goes to change Jason. Leaving us to my video gaming brother and my little sister using our bathroom. While our room is cluttered with pillows and animals. And our baby twins.
"I can't tell if you're quiet cause you're upset. Or just in deep thought.."
"I'm okay, CC. We're okay."
"I did the most selfish thing ever. Saving you wasn't for you, babe. It was for me. I can't be without you. That should be enough to show that I won't leave."
    I lean back against her. "I know just my normal insecurity."
     Her arms feel warm around me. I almost want to fall asleep but I can't. I have kids to make sure are okay. For now.
     I need a shower. I need a bath. I need to relax.
     I'm not stressed. Or overworked. I'm just... I feel dirty.
    I turn around in her arms. "Do you think I can shower? I don't know why but I feel dirty."
"Possibly cause you just changed a diaper and you're still super sleepy."
"Yeah. I think you helping me stable would be needed."
"Have to ask Ninfa beforehand."
"Nah. I got them." Zack says from behind me. Making me fucking jump.
"Fine."
      We head off to shower. It's just when I look in the mirror.. half naked.. that I notice..
     A long scar.. a memory of the best day of my life but also the worst. A day I felt death nearly choke me.
"I..I didn't know."
    I'm speechless. While Charley is sort of freaking out. I don't know what to say.
"I just wanted you to stay. I didn't know you'd scar. I'm sorry."
    Turning away from the mirror, I finish undressing and climb into the shower. Trying to find something to say. But there really isn't anything to say unless I tell her... And I don't want to tell her.
"D.."
     How do you tell the woman you love that you felt death touch your asshole? He was that close to fucking me. ...that doesn't sound right.
    My head hurts. I'm not making sense. Already going crazy and I haven't been a mother properly for a day yet.
"Dakota, please talk to me." Her voice so raw with worry. It brings me back from my thoughts.
"I'm okay."
"Are you mad at me? That I.. I couldn't be enough to.."
"I'm not mad." I stop her.
"Then why won't you talk to me?"
    I pull her close to me. Letting the heat of the water and hers calm me down. Fear of her reaction hits me.. Along with the feeling of realization..
    She won't leave me, even if I tried to push her away. I know now. I know now she won't leave me.
"D?"
"I was right there, Charley. I was right there. Hanging by a fiber. Deaths hand centimeters from my throat. I was right there."
"I couldn't lose you. I didn't know I'd... I didn't know. I'm sorry."
"I was right there. And then you saved me. The scar is a reminder of the worst moment of that day but also one of the best because we now have our twins. I'm not mad. I'm just shocked, I guess? I'm suppose to be dead. "
"I couldn't lose you."
"I know you love me. I can see. I can feel. But I can truly see it now.. how much you do.."
"I do love you. You and our kids. You and our family. You are my purpose in life."
"I'm not mad. I was just scared in that moment. Remaining calm to keep you calm so you could carry on. But I was scared to die. I finally had more than one reason to fear death. You and the twins."
"But it's okay. You're here. We're here. Together forever."
     I lean in and lightly claim her lips. Passion and love spill into the kiss so easily. So naturally. But sadly, a shower consists of actually getting washed.
    Just as we finish getting dressed and head out into the room... the cries crush my chest. I'm faster than Zack and Finnley. So is Charley.
    I scoop Fiona in my arms. "Hey pretty princess. Momma's here.." luckily for me she stops crying. Elijah on the other hand doesn't.
"He pood, babe."
"Again?"
"Mhm."
"Still your son."
     She laughs lightly and rolls her eyes. I change Fiona to just keep the diapers on the same changing schedule. Easier this way, I suppose.
     And we feed.  And they go back to sleep. Literally eat shit sleep. Sleep sounds great...
     I rest my head on Charley's shoulder. Wanting to nap but wanting to stay to make sure they are taken care of. It's a hard choice.
     She turns fast and lifts me into her arms.
"What was that for?"
"You need rest."
"I slept for 2 days. I can be up for longer.."
"Your eyes are closed and you're already half way there."
    Mm. Yeah.. damn.
"Will you hold me?"
"Of course."
     With her final words, I fall asleep in her arms. Before she even can lay me down or lay down in general. I fall.

    Waking to crying is unpleasant. Mostly because I don't want them to feel the need to cry. It makes me feel terrible.
    But I'm awake. Groggy. But awake.
    I quickly put a sound barrier over the crying twins. So not to wake anyone. Seeing how it's 3am and all are asleep on the floor and stuff..
    Taking one in each arm. "It's okay, loves. I'm here." And they stop crying.
    I find it weird. I think. Or maybe they just know it's me? I don't know.
"Would you like a little help, babe?"
"I think it was both of them this time. So. I wouldn't mind."
    I carefully hand her Fiona. And take care of my little prince charming diaper. Handsome little man is going to steal all the hearts.
    In this moment where we are changing our kids diapers, I never felt more closer to Charley. Cause she's right next to me... no.. because I know she will stay through the poopy diapers. That she will always be here for us. I'll never be alone.
    I can do this. We can. Together forever.