Forbidden: Afterglow

Chapter 44

-VALERIE'S P.O.V-

    I have felt pain. Extreme and horrible pain. But.. this.. this is a different pain. And it's followed by my son begging for me to come to him.
    I teleport to him quickly. A crying mess on the floor.. with the nurse guy from a while back ago..
"What ..What happened?"
    Finnley grabs my hand and shows me everything. Including a feeling of being followed. Which terrifies me. No one should ever do this to my child.
    Rage courses through me. Along with a lot of other feelings. The nurse guy..
    He's not dead, of course. But he is hanging on the door. One rack holder through the head, one through the neck another all the way through his stomach and one... sadly... just below his privates. If I had the heart to, I'd rip his balls off and feed them to him and then watch him burn.
    Anger.. is consuming me. Touching my child..
    I pull Finnley into my arms. "What do you want me to do, buddy? I can fix this but I need to know how you want it done."
"I..I.. I don't want him dead.."
     I hold him tightly to me. He cries like he has never before.. And it hurts.. it hurts so bad.
"It's just you and me. Just you and me. Talk when you're ready." I say and stop time. Including Ninfa... who will know..
"I didn't want to hurt him."
"He will heal."
"I didn't mean to..."
"If I could let rage consume me, he wouldn't be alive, Finnley. He wouldn't."
"I don't want him to die."
"What do you want me to do? How do you see fit to take care of this? I'll do anything."
"T..Take his memory of me away.. help him.."
"What about you?"
"I..I.. I'll be fine."
"Do not lie to me. Do not lie to yourself... I.. I can take your memory of this too." I offer. Hoping he doesn't accept it.
"I'm so sorry." He speaks with a nod.
    He only cries harder. My heart explodes. I.. he wants me to...
     I kiss his forehead and sift through his memory. Setting a small timer for this memory to stay. Which it will disappear the second he falls asleep.
    It hurts to do this... But I also force his energy to a low level. A passing out level... just so it leaves faster.. so he feels better.
    I freeze him in time and teleporting us home. Taking care of my son is nothing new, just now in his 20s.. And yet.. still so helpless.
    I undress him a little. To give a comfortable impression that he got home early from work and took a nap. Easy for him to believe because he's done it before. Many times.
     One thing.. one thing I always hated the thought of doing.. is taking memories. It hurts much more because it's my own.
    Teleporting back to the hospital, I remove the nurse guy from the wall and clean the blood. Taking every memory he had of Finnley. Which is.. is a lot.. I see far too much... see things I wish I didn't see.. this mess.. is far from over.
    I heal him. The energy, all of the things I'm doing.. is actually getting to me. My anger and rage would have something to add.
    Cleaning this guy up and getting him new clothes and home. Not a sign of blood. Not a scent. No evidence.
    In each room of his home.. pictures, 10 or more, of Finnley. Shots from our home.. I don't understand how someone could be so disturbing...
    I remove all evidence from his house. Each and every bit of Finnley. Though the thought of ripping off his dick continues to race through my head, I take my leave.
    To.. to Ninfa.. she.. I.. I need my home.
    I pull her back into my magic loop as I pull her into a hug.
"Val.."
"J..Just.. hold.."
"Hey.. what's wrong? Why freeze me out of time?"
     I share everything. Everything. From Finnley's memories to the nurses and to mine.
"Valerie..."
"He wanted me to.. I.. I had no choice.."
"I know, baby. I know. I'm here.."
     Tears.. too many tears..far too many. I soak her shirt with them..
"You had to.. you did what you had to. You did what was asked. You did what was best."
"I DIDN'T WANT TO."
"I know, Val. I know you didn't. He will be better off not remembering."
"I.. stole my sons memories.. I went that far.. a place I didn't want to go.. ever.. And now.. now I'm a bad mom.. now.. now.."
"Calm down, baby. It's okay. It will be okay."
"I wanted to kill him. I wanted to. Like I have never wanted to kill anyone before."
"I feel the anger and share it. He didn't deserve to walk."
"I wanted to do it. I could have. I didn't want to take Finnley's memories.. I didn't want to vandalize that.."
"You did what was asked. You respected our son. Trusted he knew what was best for him."
    I can't stop crying. I wish I could forget this. But sadly for me.... I can't.
"I love you.."
"Even though I'm a bad mother? That this could happen? That I had to remove memories? That I had to dig into our sons brain to relieve his pain? That I had to go that far? You love me for the monster I am?"
"I love you. All of these things though, they're not true. You're a wonderful mother. The situation is one no one could have ever saw coming. You helped Finnley, not harm. You're not a monster. You are my wife. You are a mother who is going to protect at any cost. You are good. You are light."
"Why do I feel like this?"
"Because you did one of the one things you promised you'd never do. But you did it because our distraught son asked. You know how hard it would have been for him to come back from that."
"I wish I could forget."
"I know. I honestly wish I could too."
    My heart.. it breaks more. I hate taking memories. And I vowed to never do it on our children unless they asked. Like Dakota and Charley.. in the beginning of them.. but.. But now..
"I.. I could.. help.."
"No. Absolutely not. I'm in this with you. We share this pain together. You are not alone and you never will be."
    I don't know how long we've been holding each other. Actually long enough her shirt dries. But it doesn't stop my heart from aching, even if there are no more tears.
"Why don't we finish the day? Go home. Make dinner. Eat. Have a little fun. And then cuddle for the rest of the night?"
"That sounds.. it sounds like heaven."
"Will you be okay?"
"No. But I can try."
    She pulls away enough. Her lips claim mine for a short kiss. One I feel ever ounce of love she carries for me.
    I kiss back with that I can.. even if it's not much with by heart in pieces.
    Her hands move and she lightly wipes away the stray tears on my cheeks. I can feel.. her magic run through me. As she heals what she can.. my head is slightly more clear without the headache.. my chest is less heavy and less sharp.
    I lean in and lightly kiss her again. "Thank you."
"I love you. I do. So much. You only did what you had to."
    After another long hold.. I finally take off to work. I finish Finnley's territory as well as my own. My mind in a heavy fog for the rest of the day.
    Going home, I even start dinner in a fog. It startles me when Ninfa wraps her arms around me.
"So lost."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be. I've been pretty out of it too."
"It has been a really.. really rough day."
"Do we tell Zack?"
"No. No. If he knows, he will feel bad for Finnley and Finn won't know or understand why."
"Can your magic relapse?"
"No. It can't. It's bound to me. As long as I am living, it's taken...forever."
"I love you.."
"Your I love yous.. they seem to be the only thing that makes me feel better."
    She kisses the back of my neck. His voice coming from behind us makes me flinch.
"Hey guys."
"Hey Finn. Mom told me you got off early today."
"Yeah. The territory didn't need as much as they said they did. Came home and took a nap."
"Sleep well, bedhead?" Ninfa speaks for me... while I remain silent.
"I didn't feel like spending 30 on my hair when I'm probably going back to bed in a couple of hours anyway."
"Makes sense."
    The night rolls on slow. Finnley doesn't remember a thing and when I search his eyes, it's true that his pain is gone. Like it never happened. But it did. And I know every single play of it.
   It's burned into my mind. And I feel my son's pain over and over again. Even though he no longer feels that pain or even remembers it.
"You're going to kill yourself with being drowned in your thoughts."
"Yeah. My head isn't on solid ground. I'm sorry."
    Her arms wrap around me tightly. "Why don't we go to bed? Just lay and cuddle? We can talk more of you wish to."
    I only nod. She blinks us to our room. Without much resistance, I'm dragged to the bed.
    Her arms have never felt more homely.
"I know you didn't want to do that. Especially with our children. But he wanted it. And he seems so happy."
"There are times when I wonder most of who I am. Someone who helps everyone at a cost on self. Or someone that doesn't care for conflict so fixes everything before one begins."
"I would say both. You've always been one to win a fight, yes, but avoid if necessary."
"In this... I feel like I only did what Finn asked because I didn't know what else to do other than kill the bastard."
"I wouldn't mind killing him myself. No one should ever force that on another. Whether human or other being, it's wrong. It's wrong."
"I was right there. I was right there, Nin. I could have done it. I could have. I wanted to hurt him, kill him, do something bad to him. I wanted to...so very badly."
"But you chose what Finnley wanted. Which was a start to him feeling better about the situation. But do you see the happiness he has and shares? He wouldn't have any of that right now if it wasn't for your help. For your power. You're his hero from something that would have scarred him for life."
"I do enjoy your outlooks. Yet I'm in the same moment as you and I still see myself as a monster. A mother who is a monster. Stealing memories from her son. No matter how horrible I feel, I did it out of love. I know our son. Sensitive in a lot of ways. He wouldn't be able to handle this."
"You did a good thing."
"Then why do I feel so terrible? Why do I feel like the worse being alive?"
"I have already answered those questions. The only way you can see pass the guilt, sorrow and pain is by removing your own swears and promises. Or change them. You have one that doesn't allow you to take a memory, change it to only when asked or is desperately needed."
"How? How do I do that?"
"Will yourself to allow it. Or you'll be continued to be trapped."
"I am trapped forever. I wish I could do more. I wish the thought of ripping his ...dick.. off.. would leave my head. I wish I didn't remember."
"It will be okay. Give yourself time. Soon you can accept what you did. He's more happier this way. And you'll see that. And see what you did was necessary."
    I hide myself in her arms. "I just want life to be easy. That's all I ever wanted. For everyone. Dakota could lose a baby. Finnley got stalked and molested. I'm a terrible mother because I couldn't stop any of it."
"No, baby. No. It's not like that."
"I don't understand.."
"Look at me.."
    I pull away enough and look to her teal eyes. Such sadness wrapped up in absolute beauty.
    It's quiet for a long second and then.. then.. ..