come closer || nh au

thirty-five

"Can you pass me the cigarette box?", I ask, yawning quite loudly.

The cold night air hits my naked arms. It's gotten chilly but I don't care. It's only 11:45pm. Niall and I just got up and got dressed from our little fun-time together. He put some blankets and pillows outside on the chairs on his balcony. I have my legs wrapped in the blanket, while I look at the stars. I've never felt this safe during sex.

"Sure", Niall answers, handing me the box of cigarettes.

I take one and lay the box on the table between us. He quickly lights the cigarette for me. He's smoking a blunt but he said it's just enough to get clouded. I don't quite believe him because you never know what a teenage boy with weed does, especially when it's Niall. I kind of question where he gets his weed but I won't ask him. That would be weird because he won't tell me anyway. Then something pops into my mind. Earlier when he opened his Netflix on his TV, he retyped that password. What was it? "zoeandamy", I think. Well, I know who Zoe is. She's Niall's sister. But, what about this Amy girl? Who is she? Does she go to our school? Why doesn't Niall speak about her? And, why did Grayson provoke Niall so badly with saying that he fucked this Amy girl? I shouldn't ask but I really want to ask. I take a long drag from my cigarette, inhaling deep into my lungs. The sky is so beautiful with the stars and moon just illuminating the garden and Niall's house and Niall as a person.

"Niall, I have a question. I really don't want to invade your privacy", I warn, "Who's Amy, Niall?"

I don't look at him but I can feel that he stopped breathing and is now looking at me. The silence endures quite some time. The tension between us is thick. I take a shaky drag from my cigarette. My hand slowly places itself at my mouth and goes back down after inhaling the smoke. Then, Niall starts breathing again, also taking a drag from his cigarette. But, he doesn't say anything. I don't dare to look over at him. He's probably not going to answer that question. I shouldn't have asked.

"Why are you asking?", he questions.

I feel his look on me. His voice sounds quite hard, not changing in tone at all.

"Well, Grayson provoked you with that girls name at the party and you have it as your password that you told me to go on your Netflix account. I just got curious and wanted to ask you about her. She must've meant something to you", I explain myself.

Niall stays silent again, making me worry, if I said anything wrong that could've angered him. He sighs, laying a hand on my thigh, moving closer to me with his chair. I now look over at him. His eyes meet mine, looking hurt and as if he doesn't want to talk about it.

"I'll just tell you everything about Amy and what you should know about her. Basically, Amy is my older sister", he starts explaining, already making me become curious.

He has an older sister. I didn't know about that. Well, I don't think a lot of people know about that. I take Niall's hand from my thigh in my hand and rub my thumb over his hand a little.

"Amy is 20 years old at the moment and she lives in Ireland. She lives there because she has a cross section paralysis. Her left side is completely paralyzed. She sits in a wheelchair, she can barely talk or live without help. She's in a special home or hospital, however you want to call it, for paralyzed people, especially young adults and teenagers. It's hard to talk about this because Amy got some fucked up shit done to as soon as she got paralyzed. Amy, like I did, started driving a motorcycle by the age of 16. With about 17, she had a heavy accident with a truck on the highway down, right before you take the exit to Tuscaloosa. The truck driver cut her off and she just tumbled into the driving truck", he tells me, having tears in his eyes.

I've never seen him this sad and worked up. My cigarette is down and burned out, so I step it out and put my second hand around our intertwined hands. I gently rub the back of his hand, while listening to him.