MIKEY.
I looked at myself in the mirror only seeing my flawsx nothing else. Just flaws. I poked my cheek and almost threw up seeing I could hold a bit of it. To much cheek fat Mikey. I pulled my shirt over my head and looked in the mirror again. Belly fat was all I could see. I poked my sides seeing that it wasn't skinny enough.
Eat less Mikey, you can be beautiful.
The voices in my head told me this everyday really, I pulled my sweatshirt over my head, and went out of the bathroom and to my room laying down on my bed. I looked up at the ceiling not being able to sleep anyway.
This was my routine every night. Go to Sleep at 11 PM, wake up at 2 AM, go to the bathroom, stare in the mirror, pull out every flaw I see, make a mental note about to eat less. And the next day do it all over again.
Only this time I wasn't prepared that Andy was awake on the bed under me when I left to go to the bathroom; for a hour. It sadly turned in the morning again making me sigh, because once again. I had no sleep, but I can manage I've done it before to.
I quickly got down the bunk bed and changed before anyone could walk in and see my fat body. "Hey Mikey? You wanna go for a walk?" I heard Andy ask me, and immediately I start to panick knowing I can't keep up with him. "Uh s-sure." I said a little unsure as Andy dragged me outside Andy had dragged me towards a quite place. "Why where you a hour in the bathroom." Andy didn't even asked her demanded an answer which I couldn't quite give to him, not knowing what to say I just shrugged.
Andy grabbed my wrist tightly making me yelp in pain and immediately I pulled my arm away from him holding it tightly. I knew he had opened a few cuts. Andy's face softened and you even could see a few tears form in his eyes making me feel even worse. Andy grabbed my wrist again (gentle this time), rolled my sleeved up just to see old but also new scars, Andy looked back at me, this time not caring if he cried or not.
"Why?" He asked while a sob left his mouth.
That was the question I couldn't answer, not now. I looked away from him and my scars knowing how disgusting they looked on my body.
Andy pulled my head towards him again to let me look at him "Mikey, why?" He asked again this time I just wanted to give up, break down, cry in his arms hoping he would take everything away. So that's what I exactly did.
I fell to the ground on my knees, as I held my face in my hands, I just cried, cried and cried. Andy sat next to me holding me tightly in his arms, the warmth of his body made me calm down within seconds. "Can you tell me why Mikey?" Andy asked me softly making me look at him, I immediately looked away and to my hands "You will hate me." I told him, Andy grabbed my jaw between his fingers, "I'll never hate you, I love you to much." Andy whispered smashing his lips on mine.
My eyes widen at the sudden touch but I immediately melted in his touch and kissed him back. Wanting this feeling to last as long as I can. But to everything comes an end. Andy pulled away, his eyes shining with pure love making me blush. "Now tell me." He said again pecking my lips once more.
"I-I-I just hate. I hate myself Andy, not just because who I'm, just everything in general. My body, my hair, my eyes, my legs, my stomach, just everything. Then again no one even likes me for me Andy, everyone is like 'Oh that's Mikey Cobban' but I just want to be know as Mikey from Bristol." I told him in all honesty.
"Then let me be that for you." Andy told me pulling me up to my feet "Let me be the one who takes care of you, who helps you, who just knows you as a little lad from Bristol. Let me love you." Andy continued while holding my hands in his. "Thank you Andy." I whispered holding him close to me "You're the best." I told him.
After 5 years Andy and I where married with two amazing kids (Two girls named: Crystal & Willow). I was clean after a month in the relationship and have never done it anymore, Andy asked me to marry him on our anniversary and we married on the day where I was clean. 26th of October.
Happiness comes in small boxes but when you open the box, it is more then you can wish for. Happiness isn't only happy it is also to be sad, it's dark but also light.
You will always find happiness at the end of the tunnel, because you need someone to guide you to happiness and take the last few steps alone to prove to you're demons. You made it.
The demons will always find a way to hurt you even after you crosses the tunnel, but that's where you have you're warrior angels. They will fight for you.
Happiness is where you find light and love. Happiness can be everywhere, but it will always be in you to.
Happiness is let go of the past and go on, start the car and go on you're journey.
Love,
Mikey Cobban.
P.S : If I can do it, you can do it to. You're special and loved and wanted. Xx
