Forget Me Not✔️

The Cold Night

The two of you stayed in the dressing room for a while, wrapped up in each other for what seemed like hours before finally the two of you gathered up your clothing and got dressed.

Namjoon insisted on walking you back to your hotel which was actually a few miles from the venue, and it seemed like he wanted to take the time to spend with you so you didn't refuse.

He offered you a spare coat of his that he had back stage and a scarf to wrap around your neck for the walk back to your hotel because it was an unusually chilly night out tonight.

The two of you left and started on the walk back. At first your conversation seemed pretty casual, pretending that the past few days hadn't happened as you shared laughs and smiles along the way. You kept close to each other on the side walk, shoulders brushing against one another every once in a while, more so when one of you would laugh.

He held your hand and swung your joined fingers in the air. But it didn't take long before a thick silence filled the cool air between the two of you. You weren't sure, but you could almost feel the subject coming like a punch.

"So... About Jimin." Namjoon started, glancing over to you at his side. There it was.

You shifted your eyes slightly, down casting your expression a bit. "Yeah?" You questioned, wondering what he wanted to say before you spoke up about anything.

"I... I really don't like him being near you." Namjoon admitted with a heavy breath that was visible in the cold night air.

"Yeah, I kinda figured that." You said under your breath and cast your gaze to the opposite side, staring at the houses you passed.

The hesitation in both of your speech was more than apparent.

Namjoon raised a hand to adjust his hat as a form of a nervous habit before he bit the bullet and asked. "Do you have feelings for Jimin?"

You felt a jerk in your chest at his question, thankful that your eyes weren't in his direction and he couldn't see the faint panic that flashed in your hues that you quickly bit back.

"I don't know what I'm feeling." You admitted with a sigh before turning your head towards him with an apologetic look. "I care about you, a lot, I know that much," you said, trying to offer him some reassurance. "But... my feelings beyond that are hazy." You lowered your head with a sigh as you adjusted your scarf around your neck to cover your cold lips slightly.

"So, what do you want to do then?" Namjoon questioned as he kept his gaze on you.

"I don't know the answer to that either." You struggled to tell him what had been on your mind for days, eating at you.

The two of you began to cut through a park that had a few lights scattered about in decoration. They shined in the night like stars. The two of you passed by the curved wall of lights along the side walk and you distracted yourself for a moment as you gazed at the shining bulbs. But your brows dipped in determination as you stopped walking and turned towards him.

"What I do know is that I don't want to be the reason you lose your connection with your band mates. I don't want to put a rift between you and your career. I know how much pursuing your music means to you." He turned to face you and listen to you repeat yourself.

Namjoon's brows dipped slightly as his expression looked conflicted. "Yes... My career is important to me." He said with a nod before raising up his hand to run the back of his cool fingers against your cheek. "But that doesn't mean I'm incapable of caring for you." He said softly.

His words caused your heart to beat quicker, but still a pain rested in your chest as you took in a deep breath and closed your eyes.

"Y/N... I want you to b--"

"No!" You cut him off as your eyes flashed open. You had a good idea of what he was going to say. "Don't say that." You added with a shaky breath. "Don't ask me that..." You lowered your head as you turned your head away from his hand. The expression on his face dropped at your sudden statement, his hand falling back to his side.

"Why?" He questioned with a pained look in his eyes. "Is the idea of being mine that bad?" He asked, his voice soft. You could hear the pain radiating from his words and it was shattering your heart.

"No!" You said raising your head again. "It's not that, please don't misunderstand." You reassured, trying to bite back your emotions. "Just... don't ask me that. Not yet. I don't think it's right for me to say that I can give you my all if I don't know how I'm feeling for someone else." You told him, trying to be a bit more clear as you curled a piece of your hair behind your ear and sighed.

"I'm not rejecting you, I'm just saying... not yet." You released a deep breath and looked up at him. "I don't want to jump into something like that when I'm still in such an uncertain position." You swallowed your empty throat and let out a breath that turned into a small cloud in front of your lips. "This whole trip has been a roller coaster of emotions, most of which were related to fantastic memories that I'll surely keep with me all my life." You said with a bitter sweet smile. "But, I'm leaving Korea in 5 days. I have no idea when I'll be able to come back, or when I could even see you again." You felt a lump in your throat as you paused.

"Then.. there's Jimin. I don't know what it is that I feel toward him, or if what I'm feeling means anything at all. But at the very least I need to know what they are before I accept any type of offer." You stared up at him with a look that said you had made up your mind, not that you were the happiest with your choice in the moment. "And, I refuse to accept an offer from you only to risk disappointing you later."

Reaching forward you grabbed onto his hand and brought it close to yourself, raising it up near your face as you brushed your lips against his knuckles. "Don't doubt that I care about you, that I do have strong feelings for you." You said looking up at him through your lashes. "But if you care for me then I'm just asking for some time. Let me figure myself out, see where things go." You squeezed his hand tightly as he remained silent as you rambled on.

"But, I don't expect you to wait for me or blindly accept my request. The choice is yours and I will respect whatever you feel is best for you." You gently started to release his hand and smile up at him.

As you released his hand he raised it back up to your head, lacing his fingers into your hair as he pulled you forward, pressing his forehead to yours as he stared into your eyes. "This is torture." He whispered with a faintly pained laugh. "But the idea of not giving this a chance... to see where we could go... that idea is much more painful."

You smiled sadly at his words and closed your eyes, you could feel a faint bit of moisture build up in the corner of your eyes but you refused to let it escape. Though your voice gave you away as you choked slightly on your words. "Thank you..."

Namjoon leaned forward to place a gentle kiss against your lips for a brief moment before pulling back with a smile. "But I'm not going to treat you any differently than how I have been." He said, as if it were almost a threat.

"I wouldn't want it any other way." You whispered back to him before meeting his lips again. Your heart had leapt when he had started to ask you that question early, the question you yearned to hear. But Jimin still had an effect on you, and you couldn't get into a relationship with Namjoon when that was the case. He deserved all of someone, not just most.