Memories of Us

Hallucinations of the Past

"Makoto..."

That voice again, and those same memories...already the pillow was soaked by his incoming tears but Naegi held on. He held on hearing his name being called over and over again, but what did it mean? Who was the caller and why now? He had only felt indifference towards his parents' death and yet, the feelings being invoked in him startled and frightened him more than anything from last night.

"I heard you already." He miserably mumbled getting flashes of him and his little sister Komaru being separated among relatives, but he had seen her on holidays from school and whatnot and now, it was unbearable. She had gone mute from the experience but her eyes spoke to him and he never forgot the last parting but hearing his name hurt beyond any ache in his body. Why did it come to this?

He sighed and heaved his same frame up and realized the time...

If he was facing the demons along with the Shadows then he'd do it with enough bravado that they'd all give up and leave him alone, but at least the voices stopped...He couldn't be bothered with the past now as he only knew how to move forward.

The way to school was quiet and peaceful but he'd have to shake his head to avoid the pain throbbing and when he reached the classroom... "Heya Makoto!" A very excited pink haired boy waved and suddenly disgust rose in Naegi's throat. Yeah, he had forgotten that he had to deal with other classmates here in this city and this new high school. How many times did he have to do this? He didn't know but he sucked it up.

"Hello...Souda?"

"Kazuichi! We're friends, remember? Besides, we don't have to be so polite." Naegi made a polite smile but felt uneasy at Kazuichi's approach because it was too direct. Too confident...something Naegi wasn't to be like ever.

"Oh, I keep forgetting that...I'm not used to having friends, that's all."

"I'm surprised to hear that because you seem to be a cool guy!"

"You really think so?"

How could Kazuichi conclude that from their few meetings together? Surely there was more to this encounter this morning that Naegi was forgetting but with the headache still there, he couldn't go forward into his thinking.

"Dude, I know so! Hey, listen, are you doing anything later?"

Many excuses crossed his mouth, but his tongue betrayed him entirely. "Not really. Are you asking to hang out with me or something?"

"Sure am! There is this new ramen shop that opened up in the shopping district and I thought I could take you there, because I wanna try it out!"

"Not alone, I see."

"Nope and besides, it's a special offer for two!" Kazuichi beamed holding up a poster that had the name of the ramen shop and it was quite crude but colorful.

The catch was obvious and yet he couldn't pass it up because of what happened last night...

"HEY! What's the matter, Makoto? You look so white..."

Naegi waved his hand trying to numb the pain from gripping the desk too hard, and yet, he couldn't stop wavering between memories and the emotions...and his abilities. How could he summon a Persona of that magnitude? How did he not fear death anymore? What happened to his humanity? Was it hanging along with his parents' corpses? Yeah, he left it there and would never retrieve it again, not that he wanted to, not that he minded after all, he got an edge from the excitement of living so close to death, maybe?

"I'm f-fine."

"You sure, Makoto? Well, anyway, we can go after school, you know?"

"Yeah, I'm looking forward to it!" Makoto exclaimed trying to convince himself that it would be okay even if it was outside his comfort zone, but he'd have to try to make friends for his Persona at least.

Social Links...

Maybe this would be good for him too, right? Maybe..

"Makoto."

Why was this happening again and here of all places? Didn't he get rid of those voices from earlier...? He couldn't breathe or even cry as if he had forgotten how to in this moment in the middle of class. This voice was more steady and not calling out but being so pleasant that he couldn't take it anymore, that he rushed up disrupting the lecture from the teacher. Going white while his head burned in white hot anger and agony, but he tried to stay on his feet as best as he could and tried to be stronger by all the ways he remembered.

"Naegi, is there something the matter? Do you need to see the nurse?" The teacher's voice quietly asked putting the piece of chalk down and presenting himself forward. "You, Hagakure, take Naegi to the nurse's office. Your absence will be excused."

A rather crazy haired boy stood up and grabbed Naegi by the arm and dragged him out..Hagakure was just as confused but who wouldn't be? But Naegi didn't respond at all to Hagakure as if the shock was still pumping directly into his veins and travelling to not just his heart but all his body, numbing it all.

Maybe it was better not to feel anything? Maybe it was a better thought to let go of all he knew, right? Wasn't this a nightmare and wouldn't he wake up finally? Wouldn't this whole experience of his parents dying and leaving childhood behind...would that be an illusion? Wouldn't he wake up to the blue sky above and just focus on the words that carried weight in his memory? Wouldn't he wake up in the shining sea of childhood and take the hands that always lifted him up? Wouldn't he be back home again and not dealing with the Shadows now? Without knowing his own future and perhaps walking a fine line between life and death...

Would he be unrecognizable now or would his sister Komaru say he was just the same? So helpless in the moment of death presenting itself...and so wrapped in his own indifference with everything around him. Was that really the best choice? Was that the only choice he had? Was it the only way to survive this madness?

Personas. Shadows. The Dark Hour...was it too much for him to handle? He couldn't quite tell why he agreed to help with a problem that wasn't his own. Why? Was it because he showed strength and resolve? Or because of kindness? He didn't know. He didn't know but he knew that he couldn't lose and wouldn't to these Shadows.