Memories of Us

To Live, To Feel

Jumping in the puddles that the sudden rain brought, there had to be a new life within Naegi to find something glorious in the mundane ordinary life. He didn't have to ask or even regret anything in his existence and he could coexist with the thought of Persona in him but today was an auspicious day to begin with.

"I thought you wouldn't come."

"Why wouldn't I? I did promise after all, Nagito, and I try as cliched as it sounds to keep them."

"You're not like everyone else but that's fine. I rather you not be ordinary."

"I don't know, I find myself quite ordinary at times except for when I don't but..."

A light chuckle and a feigned expression of surprise came to him but Nagito didn't seem to be in a hurry to do anything and weren't they supposed to go to a movie? Or was that pretense for something else?

"I wanna be honest with you, Makoto, but..."

Naegi clutched his umbrella tightly and tried to relax on the bench besides Nagito, but there wasn't really such a thing with him, right?

"It's fine. We're friends after all."

"Yes, but what is really a friend? I always wondered that myself and growing up...I never had many 'friends' but at least now, I can say I have one."

"Don't be silly, Kazuichi is a friend too."

Nagito lightened up but quickly hid amongst the inner workings of himself, like always. Why did people do that? Why did it matter? Naegi could see the shadows in Nagito's eyes despite the almost cartoonish appearance of him. The white tumbling and tangling hair that felt more fairytail and almost whisked Naegi into dreams. Dreams that had been dark for so long. Dreams that Naegi could crave but never obtain, was it stubbornness that held him back this time?

Nagito felt like a dream with the tips of his fluffy and tangling hair catching the rain particles as he sat without an umbrella and as often as Naegi wanted to offer his', rejection would come and somehow that is what Nagito really wanted. Did Nagito express himself more in the gentle rain?

The gentle dawn would come soon and somehow Naegi lost all sense of time in this meeting with Nagito, as if it was meant to happen.

"I still feel closer to you. I feel like I know you more than most people."

"You really don't." A source of welling anger bubbled through and Naegi quickly closed it despite getting a more complex face from Nagito, but what was he thinking and why would he say that? They hadn't known each other that long unless there was a longing that Nagito had that Naegi knew of; And that was the only reason why they could be kindred souls in this moment because he knew of the deepening despair that Nagito would open to. Naegi knew that from the day he was born that despair would follow him otherwise and this showed up with his family and how heartless he was towards their memory living or dead.

"I can see the hurt, Makoto. I can see what's paining you every day. You don't have to keep pretending to be happy when you aren't."

Nagito's voice was very deliberate and calm as if striking the rain and leaving no imprint. Why couldn't Naegi move anymore? Why couldn't he open his mouth to refute all of this? Surely, if they all knew the horrors then he'd only get pity and he didn't want that because from tragedy always came strength. He had to build himself up to avoid the hardest things in his life and instead cruise to where the pain didn't get. If he let go, would it flood the world? He would be part of the story that ended the world but what the team was doing was the opposite. They were saving the world and he could do that so in the end, he'd save himself, right?

"Nagito, let's get going."

Naegi found renewed vigor and tried to leave but with a swift course of action, Nagito grabbed Naegi's hand; And Nagito's hair was obscuring his vulnerable face that no doubt threatened to violate him and with some grip, Naegi felt it. The wavering and loss of control.

"I can't let you go, Makoto. I can't when there's so much more to us."

"Us? I don't think I understand."

"You don't know now, but you will later, believe me and you'll need me. You'll need me only."

"Nagito!" Naegi cried leaning and taking Nagito's face in his palms. The umbrella now flying away.

"I don't understand..."

"You don't but you will. Makoto, just make it stop...hurting..." Nagito averted his eyes and somehow Naegi had to correct this and make this better because the once shy and lonesome new transfer student was in turmoil. If they both weren't hurting, would their existence matter? Would their story mean a damn to anyone?

"I wish I could. I wish I knew how to make it stop hurting every day but Nagito, we can't give into despair and sorrow. I don't know what's happened in your life but know that I am doing the best I can for you."

"Oh, Makoto, you're an angel, too wonderful to behold."

Madness.

Nagito was dancing in madness and it grew in his pale green eyes, but it was so incomprehensible to Naegi that he had to let go. What was going on? Was the world mad from this apathy?

"Because you see, there's a reason why I called you here, today."

"What? I thought-"

"I want you to kill me."

"NAGITO! Are you...no you can't. There's nothing worth losing your life over!"

"Spare me the cliched details of your little speech. I do value our friendship but it cannot go on. It cannot live as I do. You cannot live as I live."

"I won't do any such thing. You're just ridiculous." Naegi spat as the wind and rain ravaged his fragile body and sent shivers through to his bones. What did he have to do to show that Nagito was important to him? What could he do in this instance to make it all go away? Yes, life was suffering but it didn't excuse death to be an option, and an open one at that.

"You're the only one that cared about me..."

"Of course, because I understand the anguish you feel. I see myself in you, Nagito. Please stop being ridiculous and..."

"If that was to go away? Would you leave me?"

"Nagito-"

An honest answer had to be had but with no diction, Naegi couldn't bring it out of himself and so Nagito faced the storms alone; But it didn't have to be true in this case all the time. There were millions of lies that were told daily to them both but they didn't have to listen and could shut out those people but Nagito felt too cryptic. Too vague. Too frightened. He was backed into that tight space.

What should Naegi do?

"No matter if the pain left, I wouldn't forget about you. You're silly to think I could or ever would. Oh, Nagito, there's no humanely way to express myself to you."

What should he do?

"There is a way and I've seen it."

"How can I show you? Please tell me!"

Without more, Naegi again was on the receiving end of lips on his' but it was unique this time compared to Byakuya's. For instance, Nagito's lips tasted salty and chapped to a large degree but it felt like a pure nightmare that this had to occur again but it left Naegi more perplexed than before.

But unlike Byakuya's own sudden action, Naegi did and would shove back against the gasping Nagito.

It had to end here. It had to end the sadness in both of them, somehow.