In Love With You; Daniel Seavey

goodbye

we stood there in silence. the night air thick around us as we stared at each other, both shocked at the words that left my mouth.

" please don't say that," his voice was quiet and pleading.

" I cant be in a relationship with someone who might be thinking about someone else!" my voice was quiet and harsh.

" naysa," he shook his head closing his eyes.

" Daniel! we both know that you have feelings for her!" my heart was pounding and breaking in my chest as I said it out loud," you've never looked at me like you just looked at her Daniel."

" I-"

" I don't care if say that you love me, Daniel you love her too." the tears rolling down my cheeks turned cold from the night air breeze, my eyes now stinging from the crying," I cant be in a relationship were I keep picturing you and her over in my head. holding hands, kissing, being happy, being the couple from childhood." my voice was cracking as the tears didn't stop for a second," you and her, you fit Daniel. that's what hurts me. you know each other, you're comfortable with each other. she is beautiful, and Daniel you love her." I let out a quiet sob as I finished.

I studied his face as he studied mine, a single tear slid down his cheek from his red eye. "naysa- I."

" if you love her then go give it a try, you owe it to the both of you." I held in my sob as I continued." don't let me stand in your way, cause if you just pity me not wanting to hurt me or whatever, don't. I don't want you to stay with me while you think 'what if I went with amber?' and then breakup with me down the road." my chest rose and fell rapidly.

" I want to be with you," his voice was quiet and unbelievable. it wasn't convincing, or strong.

I sniffled wiping a tear from my cheek," no, no you don't."

my heart broke, it stopped beating. the weight on my chest grew so heavy it was suffocating me.

he looked up in my eyes, his eyes red," I don't know what I want. I love you naysa but," he shook his head admitting it.

my tears flowed heavy," if there's a 'but' then you aren't 100% sure you want me. which means I cant be in this relationship Daniel." my voice was now a whisper.

" naysa," he looked at me tired and sad. he didn't fight, he didn't disagree with me.

" I have my answer." I nodded my head biting my lip holding back a sob," goodbye Daniel."

I looked in his eyes one last time before turning my back to him walking away. my heart was pounding in my ears as it slowly broke in my chest every time he called my name. each time his voice cracked a little more. I ignored the urge to turn around and run to him but I knew. I knew the moment he looked at her with such a happiness and urge to go to her. he didn't fully want me, in that moment he wanted her, amber.

his mind went to her. he pictured a world with her. a future with her. not me, her. amber, a beautiful girl who I'm sure is nice. and probably a good person. but for now and forever she will be the girl who Daniel loves.

I cant go through that again. he loves her, I cant stay with him knowing he thinks about her from time to time. thinking about if he had gone to her and not stayed with me. it wouldn't be fair to stay with him when he loves her, right?

did I just make the biggest mistake of my life?

no, no. it was the right thing. he doesn't love me as much as he loves her.

I wrap my arms around my body as I speed walk down the street. the dark night sky giving no light to ground that I walked on. I sniffled uncontrollably as I wiped tears from my eyes that blurred my vision. the cool air I sucked in with each deep uneven breathe I took dried my throat and tightened my chest.

I didn't dare look behind me. I knew he was standing there watching me walk away. I was to far for him to call out anymore. it hurt me every time I thought about turning around. about saying forget it and running back. but I didn't, I pushed those urges away as I carried on walking into the dark night. alone.