Loving Eazy...

Torn...

June 13, 1992- Janet's POV

I think I managed to make Eric realize that I wasn't the same girl that he could just run around on and talk to any kind of way. I think I surprised myself a little bit too. I actually felt better after doing what I did to him. After that night that I let out all my rage and frustration on him, the rest of that week I did nothing but torment him. Well I don't consider it torment but others would. I just call it giving him what he fucking deserved.

After a few days of that week passed and I had went to check on him. Because he couldn't move that much, he stayed put in his office where I had left him. He had shitted on himself and well to clean him up, I threw him in his bathtub and left him there to clean himself. Then I just sat in the living room watching TV and listening to him just sniffle away. He tried to make it seem like he wasn't crying but I knew he was. I kept taunting him about Tomica, who stormed out after she found out that she wouldn't be able to make the call on Eric's condition.

Eric was smart enough to not give her his bank card or any shit like that but I still teased him because his bill cost so much and he was still getting ganked for child support all the way he was trying to keep the shit away from me. Not to mention, Jerry was nowhere to be found in the midst of all this shit. E still didn't want, or rather he couldn't believe that shit had blown up in his face. The mere things that had made him into the monster he'd become; fame and fortune, were now slipping from his grasp. He may not have been broke, but he definitely didn't have the money he used. And since NWA is over and has been over for over a year now, E's name wasn't in the news for music or any type of positivity as of late. He thought he was the shit and anything that he did could be justified, good or bad.

But he just got a newsflash...that wasn't the fucking case...

...

I hadn't seen Pac in over a month because I've been dealing with helping Eric out. It's been hard not contacting him or anything, but as much as I care for him, I care more about structuring my life the way I need it to be for it to work. Londyn finally got a chance to see E. He was in the bed and I brought her in to see him. It was both cute and sad. When she came in, it was a surprise to him. He had greeted her, calling her baby girl like he always do and she had slowly walked over to him. It was almost as if she couldn't believe that was her daddy laying up in the bed like that..

*Flashback*
"Daddy,are you sick?" She had asked and Eric smiled weakly. "Yeah baby Daddy doesn't feel well right now." "Oh...well you get better soon! Then you me and Mommy all go to Magic Mountain right?" Me and Eric both laughed. "As a family!" Then the laughing died down, well Eric's died down, mine stopped immediately. In no way was I with that shit anymore. "Well uh baby girl, maybe not as a family." Eric had tried to reason with her and Londy looked confused. "See Londy...mommy and daddy have love for each other...so much love...but unfortunately it's love that we can only give you now...I wish I could just flat out tell you now but... it's too much for a one year old to handle." But Londyn looked like she understood, which was the sad part. Everyone prays to have a smart child but nobody wants to have to raise one in the kind of mess I'm raising Londyn in. And here it is she seems to understand everything.

"So Daddy I'll have to go back home to Pac after this...and you not coming?" She asked, damn the fact she was precocious. Eric's eyes looked like they shattered for a second and he looked up at me with heartbreak and I just rolled my eyes. "If you have something you're going to say to her, hurry up because I have to take her home." I snapped and E took a deep breath. "Yes baby, I won't be coming with you...but I'm still with you... remember that." Londyn stared at him for a long minute before wrapping her arms around his neck. "Bye Daddy...I tell Pac hi for you!" I pulled her away and without a single glance back in Eric's direction I led her out of the room. And heard E collapse into a fit of uncontrollable crying as I closed the door...

*Present Time*

That was about 3 days ago. And it was now that I was just mustering up the courage to go see Pac. I walked into the little mom and pop store, it was called Crescent's. Pac had taken me there a few times to pig out. But today wasn't for that. I saw him sitting at the counter, wearing all blue and his blue bandana in his classic bunny ear fashion and I admired it but I knew he wasn't with my shit. So I went up and sat next to him. "Hey," I said in a whisper and he looked at me. "Janet," he said simply. "Where have you been? I've seen Londyn because you send her to Gina who brings her to me sometimes...but I haven't seen you. What is going on?" "Can I have some coffee please?" I asked the bartender who nodded.

"Is it something I said, or something I did?" I immediately shook my head. "No of course not." "Then what?" He demanded and I took a deep breath. "Eric came home when they got him stabilized, I've been taking care of him, and living there with him.." Pac looked hurt. "Janet...what are you doing?" I watched my coffee get served in front of me. "Thank you." I said quietly. "Do you not know what you're going back to? Do you?" Pac continued to pressure me and I refused to look in his direction. "That man did everything he possibly could to break you but you made it through. Out of what he did to you, you managed to do what not many other people can do, you found strength and love and happiness you never probably in years and then the minute he pop back up you wanna run back to him? Why?" He asked and I felt the tears welling but refused to let them fall.

"You can't answer me. I know you can't because you know what I'm saying is true. I know what I'm saying is true because I was in your shoes not too long ago. That story I told you about, how I kept running back when I knew I shouldn't have. That's because I just wanted to keep messing shit up for myself, sabotaging just like you doing right now. But Jay I realized that there is good shit out there in the world for a nigga to have and I'm going after it. And one of those good things is you, I feel like I deserve you and you deserve me." I couldn't say anything. "Janet look at me. Look at me." He demanded and I finally decided to look at him. "You're a good woman and a good person. You need to get away from all his shit, and I know you want to. And you can do that with me... I'm right here. Janet I love you...and I need you to trust me for this to work." As much as I wanted to tell him that I did, I just couldn't.

"I'm sorry Pac." He looked defeated for a second but then he just got up and prepared to leave. "No don't go.." I pleaded grabbing his arm. "What? What you want me around for? Because if you just want to be friends it's not happening. I love you too damn much just to be your fucking friend." "But I don't want to lose you." I argued and he just rolled his eyes. "Well I don't want just a part of you." He left the restaurant after that and just left me there with my thoughts.

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