𝐈𝐌𝐀𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐒 𝐀𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝗴𝗿𝗮𝘆𝘀𝗼𝗻 𝗱𝗼𝗹𝗮𝗻

Singing in pain

Being a singer and going through a breakup sucks. It fucking sucks. Especially when the relationship lasted 3 years. You put everything into that relationship all your time all your everything and he threw it all away. You see the relationship started with love, so much fucking love and turned toxic so toxic to the point where you couldn't even be in the same room together without an argument happening. The arguments were either stupid or completely serious. Days would go by and neither one of you would text, call, FaceTime or even talk at all.  2 months, 3 months, 4 months they were all the same fighting, yelling, pain, tears, screaming so much screaming. It didn't feel like a relationship anymore. You felt single but you still stayed loyal no matter how much you hated him you were still together, stupidly. The day is painted In your mind of the day when you called it quits. It happened in an argument obviously I mean that was all the conversations you guys ever had now, you remember the yelling and screaming at each other you were done. You had enough. There was no love in your heart for him anymore as there was a year ago now all you would feel was hatred. No love. You yelled you were done you screamed you were done cause you were. You packed up your things and left. You never came back. You ended up moving into an apartment a few blocks from your guys' once shared home and now lived on your own. You had always been a singer you posted YouTube videos of you singing but never actually had concerts or anything like that. Singing was just a hobby you had as your real job was a worker at Starbucks you actually loved your job it got you by money wise and hello free Starbucks. Hell yea. Moving away out of your old home and out of that relationship with him was just what you wanted but how come you felt so lost, broken, depressed and just felt alone. Since you left your old house with Grayson and called it quits your presence stayed in your bedroom, locked away. You were a complete mess getting use to the fact of him not being with you anymore hurt but why? It wasn't a relationship you hated him there was no love anymore yet you still felt so broken. Not being able to sleep for 2 weeks straight caused the bags under your eyes to get darker everyday, not brushing your hair everyday made you look a complete mess, living in sweats was great at least, not getting enough sun light gave you a headache, the amount of junk food you ate made your skin fall apart and breakouts were now constant, your bad hygiene made you smell, fresh tear stains on your face everyday, crying yourself to sleep sucked as your pillows would be wet in the morning. You were torn in a half he was your other half and you didn't even know it. You thought a breakup was needed but it turns out it was nowhere needed as all it's caused is so much pain that you never would happen. Everyone knew about the breakup all of the twins' fans knew your friends knew everyone knew and everyone knew how much pain you were in. You hadn't touched your social media ever since the breakup, you hadn't been to work, hadn't posted a YouTube video of you singing nothing. You would get so much support from people on social media but you didn't touch your phone at all. Now all you were doing was crying, food and more crying. You never thought you could be broken with something you wanted to do for so long. It was the normal scene you curled up in your bed just crying nothing more nothing less. For the first time you touched your phone in 2 weeks but not going anywhere near your social media's in fact you went to your YouTube channel and noticed the last video you posted was 3 months ago. You checked the comments and the recent ones were filled with support on the breakup and the usual it will get better the comments from the breakup started disappearing as you scrolled into the older ones and they were just about the video. You sighed and shut your phone off. You feet touched your soft bedroom carpet for once in a longtime you slowly walked to your bathroom in your bedroom getting used to walking again. You knew the vision in your bathroom mirror would be something out of a horror movie. You braced yourself and turned the door handle. You heard a click and the door opened, you stepped inside your bathroom and glanced at yourself in the mirror and sighed. 

You looked awful

You examined your face hair everything. You got straight to work with making your appearance some what better and picked up your brush. Knowing this would hurt like a bitch as you hadn't brushed your hair in so long you brushed and brushed. Brushing all the existing knots in your hair out once it was at the stage that you knew and once loved you placed your brush down and threw your hair in a messy bun. You turned your tap on and let the warm water fill your sink you dipped a cloth in the water and washed your face with the water and your face wash. your face looked immediately better but was still covered in breakouts, bags under your eyes, pale skin and still completely tear stained but you didn't care. You didn't care at all. You let the water drain and you walked back into your bedroom. Your appearance was awful, yes but did you care no. You were broken for fucks sake and your looks wasn't your priority. You went to your piano that you had in your room and set you mic up. You set your camera on your tripod so it was facing it you you glanced into the view finder and knew that you couldn't film with you looking like this. No matter how much you couldn't care about your looks you had to make yourself look some what a little better. You covered your bags with concealer even though they were still 100% noticeable because you hadn't slept for 2 weeks straight I mean of course they would somewhat still show. You put chapstick on as your lips were crusty and covered you breakouts with more concealer. You had no idea as to why you bothered with the concealer everything was still noticeable. At least it wasn't as prominent as it was before though you redid your messy bun and  sat back down in front of your camera on the piano. You didn't wanna think of your own song as you just wanted to sing and do something to get your mind off of the pain eating you alive at the moment you went through songs in your head and landed on one that you knew all the words too.