𝐈𝐌𝐀𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐒 𝐀𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝗴𝗿𝗮𝘆𝘀𝗼𝗻 𝗱𝗼𝗹𝗮𝗻

What's wrong?

I glared at the comments on my recent Instagram picture and felt a warm droplet of water roll down my cheek

"She looks fat lmao"

"She needs to eat less"

"Tummy-tuck sis"

"Ew she looks disgusting"

With one click I deleted the picture that had only been up for 10 minutes. I closed my phone and got off of Grayson's bed. I wandered into the bathroom, my eyes met the girl in the mirror. My mascara had smeared around my eyes and my skin had gone blotchy and puffy. My bottom lip trembled and a sniffle left my nose every few seconds, my pupils fluttered to the toilet. One solid answer filled my head and stopped time,

Do it

I crouched down and lifted up the toilet seat, I proceeded to ram my fingers to the back of my throat, following my daily routine. 

~~

Grayson arrived home yelling "hey fat ass!" and jumped on top of me, tickling my stomach 

"S-Stop" I laughed 

He smiled and after a few seconds he rolled off of me

"How was movie?" I asked, propping myself up on my elbows 

"It was so sick" he spoke cheerfully "you would've loved it"

"Well I would've come if I wasn't told 20 minutes prior and had already made plans" I sassed rolling my eyes 

"It's not my fault" he defended 

I scoffed "Excuse me?"

He chuckled "Alright, I'm sorry"

I smiled 

"Oo! Before I forget I was gonna ask you why you deleted your Instagram picture" he said getting off of the bed and walking over to his closet 

"Oh, I didn't edit it properly" I mumbled 

"Then why did you post it in the first place" he laughed 

"I don't know" I laughed back 

"You're weird"

"You're weird" I snapped back at him 

There was a pause 

"No but seriously why did you get rid of it?" He pulled his jeans down 

"I already told you why and do you mind?" I scoffed looking away 

"Oh shit sorry" I heard him pull his jeans back up and I looked back at him. He grabbed a pair of sweatpants and a plain white t-shirt before disappearing into the bathroom

"Answer my question" he said inside the bathroom 

I laughed "What question?"

"About why you deleted your picture"

"I just said why like 2 minutes ago!" 

"Y/n I've known you for what? 3, 4 years and I know for a fact that you spend almost an hour a day editing your pictures, so what's the real reason?"

"Is this like a questionnaire or something?" I asked giggling 

The door opened and Grayson appeared 

"Yeah it is, because I wanna know why you lied to me" he hopped onto the bed next to me 

"So spill" he commanded 

I laughed at what he said and stared at him 

"It doesn't matter" i smiled, I tied getting off of the bed but he grabbed my wrist and yanked me backwards 

"Grayson!" I hit him 

"Tell me why!" He whined 

"You're so annoying" I groaned as I sat up and crossed my legs facing him 

I stared at him for a few seconds before sighing, I looked down 

"Oh shit, is this serious?" He asked concerned 

"I guess so" I mumbled 

He sat patiently while staring at me 

"Look um there's no easier way to say this so um I'm just going to say it" I began to play with my fingers "I'm not happy with the way I look and I just- I just feel really overweight and I've been um I've been-" my voice had cracked and I found myself starting to cry 

"Hey, hey it's okay" he laughed slightly as he pulled me towards him "it's okay" his arms wrapped around me and he started to rock softly side to side 

"But it's not" my voice was wobbly and filled with fear from what his reaction will be to my deepest secret "you're going to hate me" I whispered 

"Y/n, Sweetie" I sat up out of his arms and he cupped my face "I could never in a million years hate you, just tell me what's on your mind, what's wrong?"

I bit my trembling lip "I'm starving myself Grayson" I whispered 

Sadness toned his face and stung his eyes. I watched as a look of horror painted his skin 

"What?" His voice was shaky and had a trail of some sort of guilt 

"It's so painful to look at myself and stare at my freckly skin and my stomach that I swear gets bigger everyday" I said "It's so hard Grayson, being in the public eye all the time and having your fans point out every bad thing about me, I can't listen to that stuff and not feel worthy about my life, it's to hard"

He stared at me as a rim of water pooled in his eyes "why would you do that?" He asked softly as I watched him fall apart from what his best friend just told him 

"Because looking in the mirror is more painful than starving" 

He pulled me into a hug and held me close, repeatedly telling me that he loves me and that he doesn't think any less of me.

It felt good telling him my secret but it felt amazing to know that my best friend will always love me, despite my insecurities. 

I'm losing interest in writing 😕

PEACE ✌🏻