knowing just how to love you

Chapter 3: The Second Letter

I don’t know why I’m doing this, don’t get me wrong. I love doing this. I love writing you long ass letters. I just don’t think I have the potential to become a writer. I don’t think I am the one to be worthy of writing a book that is all you. To me you are without mistakes.

I always have this way of logic that helps me complete what I started because I hate half work. I try to convince myself by saying that if you can make your mistakes with me look good…

Gods, you make everything look so damn perfect, you know. That’s why I want to write you letters. These letters about us but mainly about you. I guess I am just scared. I know I am not writing it for people. But it is the people who are going to talk about it. This is the most difficult thing I had ever done. But I want this. Me, I actually want to do this. Like it is not forced.

This is so annoying I can like hear your voice inside my head telling me to do it. To write further and I will continue to write.

But I have this insecurity and I’ll have it with every letter I write but I know I’ll regret not writing to you. Telling you my thoughts. OK, not really I don’t know if I’ll regret it. I hardly regret anything I do.

I don’t think I can regret anything like that I guess I am a real optimistic person. I like writing to you it kind of makes me feel like I am finding myself. I feel like I getting to know myself through you.

I have not even been talking to you nowadays but it doesn’t really change anything. Like nothing has changed, at least not in a bad way. You’re not even with me but it still feels like you are right by my side. I want this feeling to never change. I want you to feel it too.

The sad part is I can’t control what you feel. Not when we not able to speak with each other. Even so I can’t control what you feel.

I can control what you think when you think about me. And gods I hope its never anything bad because I try to be the best person I can be and did it long before I met you. Just in case I meet someone like you.

I have been a good girl, always. I had done it for good people to come in too my life. OK I am going to stop right there before I start lying. Honestly I have been a good girl not because I wanted to meet good people, hell no. You know me I don’t even like people I never did. I have been a good girl all my life because I  didn’t want to fit in with the rest of the world. All I wanted was to be alone but I guess I was too nice for that. It was my kind of strategy I guess, you are the only one who would get it.

So hear it goes I thought that in a society where being rude gets you recognition being nice is an act of pure rebellion. I was pulling away from society in my own way but I  guess it was the better way.

I always rebelled from society but you something special. I want to say I pulled you with me. I want to say that I pulled you away from society.

But luckily for you I don’t lie in these letters. I didn’t pull you away. I  didn’t pull you with me.

You stayed with me. You kept me grounded. You made sure that I didn’t stray too far way from society. You are my link, my person portal back to the world of the living and I think that is pretty damn amazing.

You are special, you are kind, you are loved and what more do I need to make me believe in you.

I  love my best friend so much.

Damn, wow, he is amazing.

He is so cute I legit feel like storing him in a glass box.

• But then I realise that I wouldn’t be able to smell him if he was in a glass box.

But he is too cute though. I am going to have a problem with all his girlfriends I am not even lying, them disoriented tomatoes. All hell will break lose if I feel they don’t appreciate him like I do. Trust me that looks they going to get is far from planned. It just comes naturally sometimes I  don’t  even know I am doing it. Plus I have always been good at making people uncomfortable.