knowing just how to love you

Chapter 31: The Twenty Eighth Letter

I hate this. I don’t know what am I feeling. Sometimes I feel guilt. Guilt because I feel like I lied to you.

Sometimes I feel hurt. Hurt because these deflated mushrooms don’t seem to understand me. Hurt because I respect them so much even though they are unwilling to understand. Hurt because they don’t respect me back. Hurt because I love them more then I love you despite their misunderstanding. Hurt because I am unable to make them understand.

I feel lost. I feel so lost.

Sad. I feel even sadder by every millisecond of every second of every minute of every hour that goes by everyday. I hide it well now. At least I think I do. I am trying my best to get to you. I am legit always thinking about you.

I wish I could take away whatever happened to you. I wish to share whatever troubles you are facing. I wish I was with you. I wish that when I find my way to you are able to tell me what has happened. I know that even if you are unable to I will understand.

I just want you to be okay. I just want to see that you are okay. I want to make your days less miserable just like you made my days feel less miserable. I want you to know that I want to be there.

I feel like I’m failing as your best friend. I told you I would be there. I told you that you would never be eleven minutes away. I told you I’ll be there. I said that. And now this deflated mushrooms are making me a lair.

I don’t want you to feel alone. I don’t want you to ever feel alone. That’s why I always want to be there for you. This deflated mushrooms don’t understand. I want to be there for you because I’m your friend. But they don’t want to understand. I love and respect them so much. But I hate them for making to a lair.

I hate them for keeping me away from you. I hate them for not respecting me back. I hate them for not understanding. I hate them for treating our friendship like a joke. I hate them for laughing at me behind my back.

I hate them because our friendship is no joke.