knowing just how to love you

Chapter 35: The Thirty Second Letter

Everything I do is with reason. Whether that reason is selfish. Or whether that reason is to save someone else. However I have no reason. None at all. I have no reason for loving you. I just do. I just love you. Why? Who cares why?

I’ll tell you. Everyone cares why. They won’t leave me alone. I love you because I do. I have no reason to love you. You break my heart. You break it so many times. That’s what they say. But who cares right.

I’ll tell you. They care. Why do they care? What do they know? They don’t know you. How do they know you? How? They don’t. They don’t know you. But they want to come here and judge you. They can say what they want. I. Don’t. Care. They don’t know anything about you. Why are they so interested. Why do they want to know why I love you?

What is there problem? Why are they even bothered about us? I remember when I didn’t exist to them. When I was just there. Why does it bother them so much that I care about you.

So what I love you. So what I care about you. So what? These are all suppose to be good things. So why am I having such a hard time.

I don’t care if they don’t trust me. I don’t care if they don’t respect me. I don’t care if they think I am crazy. If they think I’m insane. I don’t care what they think.

But. But I don’t like that they are judging you. Yes, you hurt me. Yes, you made me cry. Yes, I have no reason for loving you. But I they should not judge you.

They say a lot of things about you. They never say anything good. They treat you like a joke. Everyday. Everyday I must hear how they insult you. Everyday I try to block it out. Everyday I pretend to not be affected.

But I can’t stand it. I can’t take one bad word against you. How could they hate you so much? How could they treat your name in such a manner? I can’t bear to listen to it. I get so upset. They don’t know you so why are they treating your name in such a manner.

As much as I hate how they bad mouth you. I cannot do anything to this deflated mushroom. They have my respect. They have my love. They have my honour. I cannot put them down. I respect them too much. They won’t ever understand. So I tolerant them. I bear every work against you. Everyday I get upset. Everyday I pretend as though it does not affect me.

But I do tell them politely to keep your name out of they mouth. It falls on deaf ears. You are not perfect. But I hardly ever complain to them about you. I don’t complain about you to the deflated mushroom. I never do that. You did that. I hide all your flaws from them. You showed your flaws to them. I tried to stand up and cover up for you. But you were stupid. You were a complete idiot. You made them dislike you. And I can’t undo it. Now I have to deal with it everyday. I forgave you. But they might never. This one mistake of yours will haunt me for the rest of my life.

But it does not change the fact that I still love you regardless. I earned you. I deserve you. I put too much into this relation to abandon it. I keep talking to you and referring to you as a possession. I am like that I guess and its not cute. But I can’t help it.

I feel like making this letter more traditional. Don’t ask. Just accept.

With love for no reason at all.

Your friend

Zubaidah