.we'll be okay.

.11.

Penelope's POV

Billie ignored me all day. I thought we were on the verge of being friends again. Maybe more. I guess not. If I looked at her in the hallway she would just look away. If I tried to talk to her she would shrug away from me. If this was what our friendship was going to be like I didn't want it. Maybe Hannah was right. Maybe I shouldn't have let Billie back in.

It's just... she's just... so... interesting. And her eyes. They're like drugs. When you do them all the stress flies away, you don't feel anything. You're just floating in the air. Helplessly. Then they wear off and you're left feeling too much. That relief you felt is gone. All the pressure and weight that was sitting on your chest before, the weight that was lifted off, is now thrown back on you. That's how being with Billie is. It's like a bad high. It feels good but then you're panicked and sad. But you don't see that the bad outweighs the good so you keep going back.

I don't even understand why it hurts. It's not like we were together or anything. I fucking hate myself. How did I even fall for this bitch it's just so... infuriating. We've been "friends" for what a week again. I wish I had someone to talk to. Someone who can take my mind off of all of this. Someone to help me out from the outside.Then my phone dinged.

lil bil :
Pen I'm sry for ignoring you. I just need to figure some shit out ok

prayers? not answered

me:
couldn't you have told me that before you ignored me all day?

lil bil:
look i'm sry ok. i've kept a lot from you and I can't handle it right now

me:
just tell me

lil bil:
i can't you'd get mad at me and i couldn't live through that

me:
it can't be that bad

lil bil:
i told hannah to be friends with you freshman year. she didn't actually want to be friends with you and now she's threatening me.

Of course.

Billie's POV

I knew she would be mad at me. Shit, I'm mad at me. I wish I knew what was going through her head right now. I want to go to her house and give her a hug so bad. But she probably needs space. Right? So instead of going to see Pen I'm sitting here on my bed... alone. Lame right. This day has been horrible. I'm literally listening to my own sad music. Now that I think about it I haven't posted on my YouTube in a while. I set up my camera.

I've been writing a lot of new songs lately. The newest one was the one I was gonna record me singing. I sat at my desk facing my camera and started recording.

"YOOOOO. Sorry I haven't been uploading a lot. Lots of shit going on right now. But I'm back and more depressed than ever and coming at you with a new song so enjoy I guess," And I started singing.

Hey my love
I buried you a month or two ago
I keep thinking that you're standing on my floor
That you're waiting there for me

-song is Taila by King Princess--

"And that's it for today hoes ok bye," And I stopped recording. I have no idea why anyone watches my videos. I don't even edit them. They're so bad, but hey, making money is okay with me. I'm hoping Penelope sees the video because, some of the stuff is about her. And I NEED her to see how sorry I am. Besides that yeah I know it's all lovey dovey and shit but I can't help it. Something about her, that makes me want to write a song.....about her.

I hear the front door open and I go downstairs to see who it is.

"Hey Bil," Finneas says closing the door and locking it behind himself.

"Yo where have you been?"

"I went to handle some business," He says leaving me wondering what he could be talking about.

"Fin you can't just leave for 2 days and then come back like everything is fine. I was alone,"

"You weren't alone. Penelope was here I know she was, I'll be seeing more of her around right?"

"Not anymore," I said sighing and looking down at my feet.

"Oh what now Bil,"

"I did something a few years ago and I told her and I wasn't supposed to because then everything would go to shit. Even more shit than it already is!"

"Well tell her the situation,"

"She left me on read,"

"Did you try to text her again," He raises his eyebrow at me, knowing that I didn't. My look says it all. "Bil you haven't tried. Come complain to me after you have," He walks back to his room. I sit on the couch turning on the TV. I put on The Office and slowly fall asleep.