.we'll be okay.

.22.

July 25

Penelope's POV

I looked at Billie. Then I ran. I pushed past Robyn and out the door. My mom killed herself. I want to kill myself. I don't wanna fucking be here anymore. For what? What is life even for when you don't have your mom. I pull out my phone and listen to Let Yourself Down by Hollie Col. My mom's middle name is-was Hollie. Charlotte Hollie Williams. Oh my fucking God. I'm an orphan. Both my parents are dead. I don't wanna be Annie. I fall to the ground sobbing.

"PENELOPE, penelope," I hear Billie drop down beside me. "Are you okay," I don't answer. "Are you having a panic attack?" My heart breaks.

"Please don't worry about me Billie,"

"I need to. I want to,"

"But I don't so just worry about us okay," I looked up at her and she was looking at me so I pressed my lips onto hers. She smiled.

"Okay,". She grabbed my face and kissed me again. "Let's do something today,". I smiled. I need to do something. I was in bed for a long time. The only reason I'm up right now is because my medicine kicked in. It feels horrible but I'll live. It's better than laying in bed all day right?

"Ok,"

"Why do we keep saying okay? Say something else Pen,"

"You say something else," I giggled.

"Okay," She shrugged. "SHIT I SAID IT AGAIN,". I laughed.

"Let's go on a date,"

"A date?"

"Yeah what's wrong?"

"Nothing," She smiled and paused, thinking. "We've never been on a date before,"

"Well let's start now,"

"Okay,". She laughed "I can't stop saying okay,"

""Okay" can be our thing."

"Okay," She pulled me in for a hug. Maybe this is what life is for.

-----

"Ok Pen top 3 favorite girl names,"

"This is too easy. One is Abigail. Two is Eloise. And three is Athena . 4 is Alyssa. 5 is Colley,"

"Aw those are cute. I really like the name Iracebeth. It's different, that's why I like it, and I only asked for three names."

"Whatever and Iracebeth sounds like it's from a movie,"

"That's because it is. You know the movie Alice into the looking glass,"

"Yeah,"

"Well the queen of hearts her name is Iracebeth and that's the second movie. We should watch those, I love them,". We're sitting in Billie's room right now and playing 20 questions. We've gone way past twenty. Turns out Billie's middle name is Iris. I told her Iris is the Greek goddess of rainbows now she's obsessed with her name because it fits her gayness.

"Alright Billie what's your favorite book,"

"Um, I don't read. Reading is for losers,". I gasped.

"My favorite thing to do is read,"

"I thought I was your favorite thing to do,". She smirked. And I felt my face heat up.

"Shut the fuck up and we've never even done anything before. And you come second to books bitch,"

"I'm offended. What's your favorite book?,"

"Alright, I don't have only one favorite book but my top three are Everything,Everything, In Real Life, and The Dangerous Art of Blending In"

"Those all sound boring, except for that one about blending in. I can do that pretty easily. I've seen everything, everything.," She pauses. "You know what they did in everything, everything?"

"What Billie,"

"They fucked," I laughed.

"Why are you so horny all the time my god it's tiring ME out,"

"You know what else would tire you out,"

"BILLIE,". She looked at me innocently.

"What did I do?". She bats her eyelashes.

"You look like an idiot,"

"I guess I look like you then," She shrugs.

"You bitch," I say and jump on top of her and she screams. We roll around the floor tickling each other and trying to protect ourselves. Then she stops trying and just lays on top of me.

"Do you have any idea what you do to me?,"

"Nope and I don't wanna know," I push her off of me and she pouts.

"But we were gonna make out,". I laugh. What a horny little bitch.

"No we weren't,". She scoots over to sit next to me.

"We should go to a party this weekend," I froze up. She must've felt it too. "What's wrong babe?,". It's only been 10 days since the party. I don't want to go to another one. I don't want to tell Bil. I'm not going to. She has enough to worry about.

"nothing hey I'm gonna go, okay?" She smiled when I said okay.

"Okay. I'm just gonna film. I haven't done that in 3 weeks the followers probably hate me,"

"Yeah you don't want to get canceled,". She started crying with laughter. "Bil it wasn't that funny,". She keeps laughing. "Alright bye,"

"B-Bye," She manages to say. I walked out of her house thankful that she didn't ask questions. I need to tell someone. It might be too late. Now that I think about it I haven't seen Corey Marlowe or Miah in forever. I'll go to Miah's house. I can't talk to Marlowe, Alex is her best friend. I start driving to Miah's house. I'm telling Miah. Hopefully she won't hate me.