Chapter Twenty-Seven

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When the Devil comes to the door he always looks mocking and half-way angry. You can see he has sympathy for nothing. It's written on his forehead that he can love no one.
-Goethe

"I've said it before Emma," Xavier continues in a snap. "I hate when someone says 'Bitch' too loud and you snap your head up like they said your name. I hate when you let someone hurt you, without telling them even if they're not trying to or joking around you're honestly in pain. I hate how you act like you could care less about what happens to yourself. I hate how much you care about me."

I frown, dusting myself off to stand. 

I won't interrupt him but I don't like how that sounded.

"I hate how you make the people around you so attached, like you're a magnet. I hate how most days it feels impossible to let you go. I hate how you make me not willing to breath because of a kiss. I hate how you make me loose all my self control." Xavier is finally yelling, finally letting his anger out. "I fucking hate how you made me love you and then give yourself up for me."

Love.

He loves me?

"That's my job, it's my job to deal with people like Mike. It's my job to protect you because unless you get so fucking scared that you black out you can't take care of yourself. I have to protect you, I need to protect you. And you throw your own safety away the second I freeze, Emma if you didn't make Cal tackle me I would have killed Mike for cutting you with that knife." I suck in a breath at this. "You're 5'2, you weigh little over a hundred, I can barely use half my strength without thinking I'm about to break something and you made me leave you alone in a room with a woman beater, with a known rapist, with a killer who's the same size as Cal. You made me leave you! How could you make me fucking leave you?"

When his voice cracks the tears that I was able to keep inside spilled down my cheeks, I took a shaky breath before launching myself at him.

My arms snake around his neck, my legs wraps around his hips as he stumbles a step -clearly not prepared for me to jump on him.

"I wasn't in control of myself. Please Xavier, please don't think that I'd ever purposely let you leave me. If I had my way I'd never hurt your dad, just pin him down or something so the police could handle it." My voice trembles as my body shakes, feeling slightly disgusted with myself. "I hate that I hurt someone. I lost time, and I woke up to find out I broke like half the bones in his body and turned his face to mush. I hate that I did that. I hate hurting people. I hate that I hurt people even if it was Mike. Even if he deserved it and I know he deserved it. I hate that I'm capable of that. I, I don't want to be capable of that."

"You seriously didn't know what you were doing? What you were asking? What you said?" I shake my head, the Devil sighs in defeat and grips my waist to keep me stable while putting me on my feet. "I'm really trying to calm down right now."

"How can I help?" I ask, craning my head to look at him as he stands to his full height.

It never fails to shock me just how tall he is.

Xavier's thump comes up, running over my bottom lip as his eyes attach to the same spot.

"Please..."

Instead of responding I go on my toes, pressing a small kiss against him.

Now's not the time to get overly passionate, and my main goal right now is to comfort him and trying to do stuff like that is the opposite of what he needs at the moment.

He needs a girlfriend, someone that can kiss away his worries.

So that's what I do. 

We stay like this for a while, until I don't feel his hands trembling against my sides in restrained self control. I know when Xavier is upset, he really  likes to punch things.

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