Liars And Thieves

Chapter 40

Grace sat on the stairs inside, head in her hands. She had no idea what had overcome her at the train robbery. Normally she would never feel guilty or regretful of the robbery. She had never felt the guilt of robbing rich folk. The gang needed the money more than ever now but something inside of her told her this was wrong. This shouldn't be how she spends her life, running from the law and robbing people. Scamming people with the horses she sold for more than double the amount she payed for them was just as bad too. Something inside of her snapped today. Where she sat was darkness, Arthur hadn't come home yet from the boat, neither had Javier, Trelawney and Strauss. She wished he was back, she needed to talk to him about what happened. That wasn't something normal, it made her question herself. 

"Miss Peters?" Tilly's voice chimed. Grace looked up to see the young girl holding a lit candle in front of her face, standing at the bottom of the stairs. "Are you okay? Why aren't you asleep?"

"Don't worry about me, Tilly," Grace chuckled lightly, trying to ease the woman off of her. It didn't work as Tilly frowned.

"You can talk to me about anything, Grace," Tilly reminded. There was silence between them before Tilly moved up the stairs, sitting on the step beside her and placing the candle down, sharing the light with Grace. "It's okay if something is on your mind, it's normal. But if you're struggling, you should say something." Tilly comforted. Grace gave her a thankful smile before it followed with a sigh. 

"You'd be confused if I tried explained. I'm confused myself," Grace explained. She felt the corners of her lips droop down, a sudden wave of sadness weighing her down. Tilly continued to scan Grace's face, her doe-like eyes softened with passion. Tilly really cares for everyone in the gang, if anything her love for the gang grew when Arthur rescued her from her old gang when they kidnapped her. "Micah killed a man today. The man did nothing to provoke it either, Micah excused himself by saying they needed to know what would happen if they didn't cooperate. Tilly... I'm afraid I did something bad," Grace's voice lowered. Tilly frowned in confusion, shaking her head.

"You haven't done anything wrong, Micah killed a man in cold blood!"

"That's because I haven't told you what I did, if anyone finds out what I did I'd be seen as a coward. Would I be secret safe with you?" Grace asked her as she looked up at Tilly. Tilly nodded, a frown still plastered on her face. "I saw a woman with a wedding ring. I didn't take it. I saw a child with a clip in her hair that could've been worth at least six-hundred. I didn't take it. I knocked out a man and only took hardly anything from him. For some reason," Grace looked back at Tilly from staring at her hands. "I don't feel ashamed of it. I don't feel regret for not robbing them of everything they had. I got called a monster, Tilly. A monster."

"Grace, you have every reason to not feel ashamed," Tilly comforted. Grace felt Tilly's hand it on top of her shoulder, squeezing her shoulder slightly. "What you did was kind. You ain't no monster, you never have been."

"But that's the thing, Miss Jackson. We are seen as monsters. I don't want to die a monster. I don't want to die to brutality like how that man did. I..." Grace trailed off, looking out the window at the bottom of the stairs. The stars sparkled, reminding her of the little girl's eyes that were sparkled with tears. Grace felt her eyes spring with tears. "I don't think I want this life anymore."

"Grace, I want you to know something," Tilly started after they shared a moment of silence together. Grace looked at the woman, her brown eyes glistened in the candle light. "You've been loyal and you always will be. What you're finding in yourself is, I don't want to come off rude but you're finding a heart in yourself," Tilly informed. Grace chuckled, shaking her head in disagreement. "It's true! If this is really how you feel, you need to do something. Say something. I know you, this ain't normal for you but it can be normal if you make something out of it. Benefit from this, Grace. I know you can."

Grace stared at Tilly, processing everything she had just said to her. Tilly was right, Grace could turn today into something new. Something good and something... normal. A normal life, doing normal things in a normal home. Tilly tapped her on the shoulder lightly before picking up her candle and walking back down the stairs, leaving Grace back in the dark. 

The next morning duties called. Grace heaved a hay bale over to some of the horses and dropping it down on the ground. Someone had to do it now that Kieran wasn't around anymore. She grabbed the baling twine and cut it with her knife, not wanting the horses to choke on the twine. Grace heard Lenny in the distance call out to someone, demanding they show themselves. Grace thought nothing of it when nothing else followed. Grace looked up the path leading into Shady Bell to see Arthur riding in. She grinned, shoving her knife away. She walked over to the hitching post he normally tied his horse to. She placed her hands on the wooden post, leaning on her arms as the post held her weight. She grinned up at Arthur as he rode over. He grinned at her before dismounting. He wrapped his horse's reins around the post before leaning over the post and planting a soft kiss on her lips. She grinned, following him as he walked into camp.

"How was it?" Grace asked. Arthur chuckled, shaking his head before rubbing a hand across his face.

"Didn't think I'd be swimming back to shore, that's for sure," he muttered. Grace frowned in confusion, causing Arthur to look at her with a smirk. "I'll explain it all later," he informed. Grace nodded before they were interrupted by Charles calling Arthur over. Arthur looked over at Charles for a moment before looking back at Grace. "I should see what he needs, we'll talk later." And with that Arthur hurried off over to Charles, Grace knew Charles was looking at her. She quickly walked away to the Gazebo outside of the house.

-

"Charles told me everything," Arthur said softly. Grace continued to play with a twig she had found as she lent on the Gazebo's railing that barricaded the inside. Her elbows grew sore from the harsh wood but she knew this conversation was going to happen. She knew Charles was going to tell Arthur everything, which he did. She was glad he did though, she didn't know how she could tell him herself. "About yesterday," Arthur clarified. Grace nodded as Arthur moved beside her, leaning on the railing with her. "He told me you aren't okay. What's happening?"

"I don't know, Arthur," Grace spat almost instantly. She felt emotions washing over her, snapping the twig in her hand. "That's what I'm afraid of. I don't know what's wrong with me. When Micah killed that man, something clicked inside my head, screaming at me that all of this is wrong. I couldn't even bring myself to properly robbing everyone on the damn train." Grace looked away from the view of the horses, looking to the opposite side that Arthur was not on. She quickly brought a hand to catch an escaping tear before looking back out.

"There ain't nothin' wrong with you, you're the best woman I know," Arthur comforted. Grace shook her head.

"Don't kid yourself. To them we're nothing more than monsters. I don't want to be a monster, Arthur. I don't want to die a monster," Grace continued, brushing off Arthur's attempt to make her feel any better. "Micah killing that man woke me up. It made me realise that anyone can die whenever and wherever, there is no stopping fate. But there's changing to better yourself for the time you have left because no one knows when your time will be up."

"Grace, come on. You're shaken up, things have been rough-"

"No, you don't get it. This is the life you've known for as long as you can remember, I understand that. But this isn't the life I want, not anymore. I don't want to die in brutality for another man's treasure. I don't want to die for Dutch, I want to die when it's my time, not sooner." Grace hissed. Arthur stood silently with her, taking in everything.

"You want to leave the gang?" He questioned. Grace stayed silent.

"I...I don't know."

"Grace, do you love me?" Arthur asked. Grace looked at him, frowning as she was taken back by his question. He looked serious though. "Do you love me?" He repeated. Grace nodded.

"I do, I love you," she answered.

"Then why  is it so easy for you to want to leave?" He asked. Grace stayed silent, not knowing what to say or do. Arthur shook his head, pushing himself off of the railing. "I got to go meet up with Dutch," he muttered.

"Arthur," Grace called out, turning around as she watched him leave. He didn't stop or look back.