14 Days (BWWM) √

Chapter 26

I swallowed hard again as I let out a shaky breath when Leo disappeared into his room.

I sat there on the blanket and started blindly at the TV screen that still had Wasted on it as dread filled my body. In as much as it was something I really wanted to do with him, it didn't change the fact that the thought of the fact that he just asked and I agreed was making my heart pound in my chest.

I was very much aware of the fact that being with Leo is different from being with my ex and a different side of me comes out when I'm with him but it didn't stop me from remembering how much I actually hated penetration.

The pain I felt wasn't because he was big or anything like that but because I was dry. First time had been painful, and that I understood but the subsequent times were because I wasn't aroused. Sex had been a chore, something I did to see if he would be nicer to me, something he demanded from me. It wasn't something I wanted. Tom had made me feel like what I felt didn't matter, like I wasn't entitled to the good feelings that came with it. It had been all about him. I had been just a hole and I had believed it. So when I met Leo and we began fooling around, I was willing to do anything he asked me to do, not because I wanted it but because I wanted to do it for him since its a guy thing. That was why I had been eager to blow him in the bathroom that night. My thoughts didn't even make sense to me.

I looked up when he came back out. He must have seen the look on my face because he frowned. "Is something wrong? What's the matter?" He asked and I shook my head. There was no way I would have told him that I was scared or tempted to chicken out.

"No. Just nervous." I said instead and he chuckled.

"Me too."

"Really?" I asked and he nodded. That made me feel slightly better. It was weird though, the fact that going all the way left us that nervous. There's no way you'd hear me say I was scared and know that I'm the same person that confidently blew him at every chance I got.

"Yep. Freaking nervous. No matter how much I want this, I have a lot going on in my head as regards it." He replied as he sat down beside me.

"Like what?" I asked softly as we laid on our backs and looked at the ceiling.

"You're the first person I'm doing anything with in ten years. I'm scared I'll mess it up. I really want it to be good for you, considering that it was terrible with your ex. So I watched clips and tried reading the karma sutra. I got pretty much everything except the sex part but I just realised that nothing could have prepared me for this moment." He finished and I squeezed his hand. Leo is the most thoughtful person I've ever met.

"You're so sweet. I don't deserve you."

"That's bullshit. Come on. Let's go to the room. In as much as this is cozy,the bed is better." He said as he stood up. I looked at his Pajama top for the one millionth time that night and grumbled.

"Your top is too happy."

"I need all the positivity I can get." He replied as he tugged on the said top. "And spongebob practically oozes it from the pores of his spongy body."

"Spongebob is annoying." I replied as I sat on the bed but he didn't reply. Instead he reached under the pillow for two ties and lube.

"Do you trust me?" He asked and I nodded. I really did. "I'm sorry for making everything more complicated. This would have been so much easier if I were comfortable in my skin but I'm not. The only way I could think of was blindfolding you and typing your hands. I'm sorry." He finished and I kissed him softly on the lips. It was the only way I could think of reassuring him even though I knew it wasn't enough.