An Angel's Whisper

Part 29: Taking a long nap

~Neru's POV~

I can't sleep. I'm thinking about you. I don't want you to feel like you should die. I love you far too much to let you go. I want you to hear what I think. Sometimes. If you could see all my thoughts, you would probably break up with me. Hell, what am I talking about? I sound like a pervert. I'm just, just, slowly learning to control my anger. I get mad at you a lot. But I don't say it. I don't want to hurt you. I don't want you to hurt yourself, either. My Lord, I love you so much. There's no way I'm going to let you sit here, suffering. I want to get you help. I will get you help. I'll do whatever I can to help you feel okay.

Do you remember our first sleepover? We were 14. We went over to Miku's for the night. Luka came too. She must've been 16.

We stayed up until 2am watching scary movies. You were so scared. You were crying, and Miku was laughing. Luka was trying to stop Miku, I was trying to calm you down. I was hugging you close, telling you that you would be okay. You had to sleep with me, and you were all cuddly. I kept you close until you fell asleep. And the you had that nightmare. Remember? You must've. You were in hospital, because you fell out of the bed and cracked open your head on a wall. That was scary for the both of us.

At least you're here now.

I don't want to see you laid unconscious for the... what, 5th time? You keep scaring me like that. I know it's not your fault. It's your mind, your stupid, idiot mind, and I have no idea what you're thinking. You could be cutting yourself right now, bleeding to death on the floor, and I wouldn't know. There could be a dead body in my kitchen right now. You could be dead.

You could be dead.

My precious angel. You could be dead.

I'm sorry, I need to check on you. I hope you're soundly asleep.

I'm trying to stay quiet, but these stairs are to damn squeaky. And so are my floorboards.

There you are. My sweet baby. You are asleep. Breathing. You're alive.

...

...

...

Ah! Don't look there, idiot! I'm sorry, I was watching your breathing, not staring at your chest. Sorry.

Would you mind? If I ever got so sleepy I used you as a pillow? Like, you know, you laid down and I gently rest my head on your chest. I cuddle you and fall asleep, with your sweet aroma filling my senses.

God, I love you. I love you so much. More than words can say.

Haku, if you ever think about dying, I will be right here. You talk to me, you rant at me, you scream at me. Shout at me. You pretend I'm your worst enemy. You pretend I'm someone you hate.

Or maybe, you don't have to pretend.

I don't know how you feel about me. You could hate me. You keep telling me to go away. You want to be left alone more often. Is it something I did? I can make it up to you. Promise.

Oh? Are you waking up?

Haku?

Are you having a nightmare?

It's okay, honey. I'm right here. I'll kneel by your side. See, I've got your hand. It's okay.

Woah, don't fall.

"N...Neru?"

"I'm here. It's okay."

Oh, baby. Don't cry.

"Neru... I'm scared."

"Nothing can hurt you now. It's okay."

You're reaching out for me. I take your free hand.

"It's okay now. There's no need to fuss. Calm yourself down."

You squeeze my hand, and take some breaths. You'll be okay, darling. Promise.

"Ne-Neru?"

"Yes, I'm here. Don't worry, my baby."

"My head hurts..."

"Oh? Do you need some paracetamol?"

"N...no... Neru, I think I'm gonna faint..."

"No, no, no. Stay with me. I'll fetch some water."

I get up, and run to get you a glass of water. I come back in.

"Here, Haku, here's your wa- HAKU?!"

You've passed out.

You've fainted.