The Hero and the Damsel

Letting Words Fall Out

            As I watched his form leave the room and heard the click of the door being closed, I stared up at the ceiling once more. I was alone with my wonderful and horrible thoughts. It was always in these moments that realization started to hit me that perhaps...I was going to be alone for the rest of my life. Toshinori is a Pro-Hero, and he is working on being one of the best Pro-Heroes if his claim to popularity was any indicator. He...he's a busy guy who probably is not going to have time to care for and look after his sickly girlfriend.

I sighed. These thoughts were ravaging. I preferred sitting in empty silence when I knew that I was healthy. This was awful, and is if on cue made more awful by a bloody coughing fit. I started hacking and coughing blood and other internal crap as I grabbed and tissue and attempted to breath, my lungs were being a piece of crap and this was terrible.

As I coughed, I heard the click of the door once more. I was ever popular today as the doctor who was testing and taking care of me walked in and seemed confused. "Alone Yamane?"

I gave a nod as I covered my mouth at the coughing. He waited for me to finish, meaning he stood there for about two to three minutes before I finished hacking up my lungs and he had a chance to speak without me literally ejecting my lungs through coughing. "Yamane, we have looked through your bronchoscopy from yesterday and we have options to present to you on how to move forward. We can proceed with a lung surgery, as your Squamous Cell Lung Cancer is still in Stage I, so doing the surgery could lead to a curative result and from there we can administer chemotherapy and a few radiation treatments to ensure that your cancer does not return or relapse. At least that is the hope."

I processed the information, listening to the doctor as my mind raced. Lung surgery...I'd never had a surgery before. Sure, I'd been to the doctor before, but never for something this drastic. I never imagined I would be, but it didn't seem like there was any other options but to either let it spread and die, or get the surgery and all that other crap and hope it never returns. I contemplated, my mind continuously drifting to Toshinori. He would want me to get the surgery...he would want me to be 'saved.' He's constantly worrying. Perhaps it was best that I do just that. I gave a short couple of coughs and a few gasps as I clutched my hand to my chest, the pain burning through me as I nodded.

The doctor watched me carefully. "Then we shall set up a time for you to have the surgery and from there your chemotherapy and radiation treatments." He bowed to me before pausing a moment and turning to look at me. "Forgive my forwardness and rudeness, but the nurses have been bugging me and spreading rumors around the building and I'd like to quell them. Why does the rising Pro-Hero All Might visit you?"

I coughed and waved my hand at him, gesturing for him to leave me be so I could cough and slowly die in peace. The doctor nodded and left without another word. Ass. Who asks a stupid question like that to someone who is coughing and can barely utter three sentences without blood spilling from her mouth?! God! As I got my coughing under control, I laid there on the bed, staring at the ceiling once more as the sound of my beeping heart monitor and the other noises present in this hospital filled my ears.

A quick side glance at my phone reminded me of what Toshinori said. He wanted to know the results. Should I really tell him over the phone though? Perhaps it would ease the blow rather than him having to watch me break down and worry. I could mask my fear over the phone, he'd never know the difference.

I grabbed the device and held it up, going to Toshinori's number and messaging him. -How are your pants doing? You must be sticky.-

I wanted to tell him the doctor came, but...I wanted to ease what the news was. Perhaps being playful would ease both my mind and comfort his. He was a bit slow to respond, but I did receive a message back. -Do we really have to focus on that? It's embarrassing. I had to go home and change before going in and Midnight was all over me about it.-

Oh? Did he tell Midnight? -How does Midnight know?-

I felt as though there was a long pause, a very long one as I anticipated his message. -She was asking why I was late and started suggesting that I was...being indecent with you. I told her I wasn't and that I simply had to go home and change clothes.-

He...didn't tell her the truth? Interesting. He usually went to Midnight for advice with our relationship. I thought for sure he would ask her about this, maybe he was truly embarrassed about what happened this morning. -She doesn't know you ejaculated this morning after pinning me to a wall and then immediately meeting my parents?-

Another long pause. I thought to myself about what he must look like while reading the message. Probably all flustered and bright red. He was probably fumbling with typing if I knew him. A message finally came in though. -Why do you do this to me?-

He was embarrassed. Good. That meant his spirits were a bit lighter. I didn't want him worrying. Now...how to approach this? -Because teasing you eases the blow of bad news?-

I hesitated to send the message, but I did. He deserved to know the truth about the situation. The response was quick and what I'd expect from him. -Are you all right?! What's wrong?!-

He was panicking now. Damnit! I thought the light teasing and flirting would calm this down. Apparently not...I underestimated his ability to focus in on something dangerous or harmful, including sicknesses apparently. I did my best to reply quickly so he didn't come barreling here to the hospital when he should be at work saving the city and fighting villains. -I'm fine. My results from yesterday's test came back. I'll be signed up for a lung surgery that they hope will be curative and then I'll go through some chemotherapy and a couple radiation treatments. No big.-

No big...It was big. This was scary to me. What would happen to me? I was scared, but I was trying to mask my fear like I always did. I don't want him to worry more about me then he already does. -That sounds pretty big. You must be scared. I'm always here Sweetheart. Never fear. Do you know when your surgery is?-

I could feel the burning of tears. This moronic hero...this man made of muscle and brawn saw through my act. He saw through me. Just as I could see past the hero to the man that was hidden underneath, he saw beyond my mask of fearless to see the disorientation of laden fears inside me. I started messaging back as droplets of water hit the screen of my phone. -I don't know...-

I wanted to tell him I was crying. I wanted to tell him that I didn't want to be alone. I wanted to tell him that I was scared, but all I could muster to write was a simply reply of not knowing a date. The pain in my chest and behind my eyes was burning. I grit my teeth through it as I sat there. How could this man see past everything? How did he know? My phone pinged as a message was received. -Whenever it is, I'll be right there for you. I really do like you Ayano, cancer or not. You are still beautiful to me. Strong, confident, and beautiful.-

The dam I was attempting to construct burst as I cried and coughed at the same time. Water leaving my eyes, blood leaving my lips. I was a disgusting wreck. This wasn't beauty, this was death. It was disgusting. I sat there crying and clutching my phone as I mustered a message back. Through my tears and agony in my chest as well as my heart, I gave the only response that kept coming to mind, the only words that popped into my head to reply. In a single message he had washed my fears of him leaving away. Would they come back? Probably. Was this message going to change anything or be my excuse to give later when he tries to leave me because I'm a burden and a hassle? Maybe. Either way, I typed the message without so much as reconsidering or thinking on the words. I simply typed. My fears of losing him, of the surgery, of my heartache over his compliments towards my disgusting manner at the moment, all forced words I attempted to conceal from my mouth to be typed on my phone.

-I love you Toshinori-