I'm Fine... || BTS x (Female) Depressed/Suicidal Reader (TBC)

I'll Try My Best Not to Love You (LXXIII)

    "Y/N, I'm so sorry, I don't-" he was cut off by me putting a finger to his lips.

    "Jungkook, you don't have anything to be sorry for. It was just what your brain told you to do and you couldn't stop yourself. I understand, and I'm not mad about you kissing me, so don't be scared of that." I said. He let out a deep breath from his nose as my finger kept his lips shut. I put my hand down so he could talk to me,

    "Y/N...It's just that...I can't help but be sorry when I woke up and saw you that was the first this that came to my head. I like you, and...well..." he paused,

    "Jungkook, I know you like me. It was pretty obvious, I like you too." I said, he smiled and tried to kiss me again but I stopped him, "But I don't like you as you do me." I said. He frowned a little as he started to get teary-eyed, "Kookie oppa, don't cry..." I said, he just sniffed,

   "But...I want you to like me too..." he said in a shaky voice as he lowered his head to look at his lap. I was upset that I didn't, well, couldn't like him back.

    "What could I do to make you feel better, Jungkook?" I asked, he shrugged, "Would a kiss help?" I asked, he shrugged again,

    "I dunno..." he said. I lifted his head up for him to look at me,

    "Kookie, you don't wanna love me. Trust me, there are millions of girls prettier and...just better than I am. You'll find the girl for you, I know you will. You're a handsome guy, every ARMY wants to marry you, and if they do, I'm sure other girls would too." I said. He sniffed again as a tear ran down his cheek,

    "I know but...I can't help it. I mean, I know you don't like guys, but if I have to not love you I'll try my best not to anymore." he said with a sob at the end, it hurt me to hear him say that because I loved Nick the same way before he abused me as much as Jungkook loves me now. I wiped some of his tears away with my thumbs as I looked him in the eyes,

   "I know how you feel, Jungkook. I felt the same way you do when I was with Nick. But, I got over him quick, didn't I?" I said, he nodded, "Even if we're just friends, I'll still be happy to talk with you." I told him, I saw a little smile on his face. "But, I'll still give you a little kiss if you want me to." I said, he sniffed a little and tried to calm himself down.

    "If you want to, I don't want you to feel like you were forced." he said as he rubbed the tears out of his eyes, I shook my head,

    "No, no, I wouldn't feel forced, Jungkook." I said, he sniffed a little as his nose was stuffy from crying. I stroked his cheek with my thumb as he looked into my eyes, I couldn't tell if they were glistening because of him crying, or because he really wanted me to kiss him. He closed his eyes and I gently kissed him. But, this time, when I kissed him, I couldn't pull away. I couldn't stop myself, his lips just tasted so...good...

   "Your lips taste fantastic, Jungkook, how come you never let me kiss you before?" I asked as I kissed him again. I pushed him down onto his back and got on top of him, I don't know what it was but it just felt right, in a weird way. I kept kissing him, and I started to feel weird 'down there'. Then I woke up, I was all sweaty and breathing heavy. I looked around and saw the guys making sure I was alright, then I saw Jungkook. I pushed him away from me, making him fall backward onto his ass, and started spitting and wiping my lips. "Ugh, that was fucking disgusting!" I said, standing up. "Whoa, okay, might need a little help here..." I added as I started to lose my balance. I felt four hands wrap around both my arms to keep me steady. "Why did I black-out?" I asked as they sat me on the couch,

    "Well, after you stumbled on the stairs and ran into us like a bowling ball trying to knock down bowling pins, you hit the ground hard and it knocked you out for a few seconds." Namjoon said.

    "Damn, I dreamt all that in a few seconds...Felt more like minutes. Fucking disgusting is all I say." I said as I wiped my lips again. "Why the hell would I dream something like that..?" I whispered to myself, I shook my head since the reminder of it sent chills throughout my body. I looked over at the kitchen's doorway since I heard a noise coming from over there and I saw Jungkook with an icepack in his hand. When he got closer to me and sat next to me on the couch I quickly scrunched my feet up and sat up against the arm of it. "What's that for?" I asked, I couldn't look at Jungkook after immediately having a dream like that,

    "It's for the goose egg on your head." he said, he gently placed it on my head and held it there for a minute. "Does it hurt still?" he asked,

    "A little." I replied still not looking at him. I grabbed my phone and scrolled through YouTube, eventually coming across my song. Almost eighty-thousand views, I looked away because I didn't wanna be reminded of what was soon to come, at least not yet.

(976 Words)