The Girl Who Traveled Back To 1898

Chapter 15: Torn Between Two Lovers

I'm back from my trip since Oct 7, 2019. I wasn't able to update sooner because I had writer's block.

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CHAPTER 15: Torn Between Two Lovers

"I love you, my Lana"

I opened my eyes and reality hit me once again. Without ever considering Antonio's feelings, I pushed him away. We almost kissed and I'm glad that it didn't happen or else, I'll be more confused than I already am.

Antonio looked hurt. I can see the pain in his eyes that I pushed him away and to make it even worse, he confessed his feelings to me. Hearing him say those three words made me realize that there will never be a possibility of us.

"I'm sorry, Antonio." My heart broke when I said those words. Antonio didn't look at me and I understand. He must have thought that I don't feel the same way about him but if I'm completely honest, I am confused and scared.

"It's...okay." Antonio said. He may have said that he's okay but I can see the pain in his eyes. "But I...would like to know why you don't feel the same way about me."

"Because..." I gently touched his face and I am trying my best not to tear up. "Time isn't on our side and to be completely honest, we both know that you'll someday leave me for good."

I don't want to give him a reason to stay and I don't want to be the cause of a new timeline. It's better to not complicate things before it's too late.

"Will you allow me to love you while I'm still here, Lana?" Antonio begged and tears fell down my cheeks. It's painful to hear those words coming from the most fragile man I have ever known. "And when I'm gone, you can move on with your life."

"That wouldn't be fair to you." I said.

"I know..." He took a deep sigh. "But I still want to."

"I'm sorry." I went out from the car without looking back at Antonio. I left the place with a heavy heart. I don't want to see the expression on his face on how broken he is. I don't want to be reminded that I am the cause of his heartbreak.

The hurtful expression of Antonio will forever haunt me.

***

I tested the toy cars that we didn't try earlier at the backyard because I want to distract myself by thinking of Antonio. To prove that the equation we chose is the right one, we test it if the toy car would disappear and then appear again at the same spot means that it traveled back to the past and then it went back to the present time. Sadly, we couldn't figure out the right equation yet.

"Damn it." I muttered. Yet again, another toy car turned into a disappointment as it exploded a minute later. I think I over-did it with the batteries and charging.

"You should always bring a fire extinguisher with you, Lana." Joshua approached me and he handed over the extinguisher. I let out a small smile. He sat down beside me on the ground. "You left without telling us."

"Yeah... I wasn't feeling well." I said.

"Did you take some medicine?" Joshua asked. He touched my forehead and he felt relief that I wasn't sick. I looked at him and I felt sad when I realized that the men who showed me that I can be loved aren't allowed to be loved back. "You should have seen Jay earlier."

"What did my idiot brother do? Did he fail?" I asked. It would be a lie that I wasn't curious about what happened during the harana.

"Surprisingly, he didn't." I can see the amusement in Joshua's face. "She was swept off her feet...figuratively."