How Many Ways

All This Time

A/N: So I woke up on Saturday to about 400 messages from emba91. Which thank god cause I melted into the floor when I heard Shawn's q&a answers... uuuuuhhhhh... WHY ARE THEY SO CUTE?!?!

The way emba91 and I are crackheads and spent so much time on their timeline...

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He watched as she rolled her lip in between her teeth, her eyes sweeping down quickly. He could tell she was nervous to tell him something, but he didn't know why. They were always so open with each other, about everything. Well, almost everything. Her eyes came up to meet his and she gave him a soft smile. The kind that made the butterflies explode from his belly and spread throughout his entire being. He smiled back at her and waited.

"Next time you come to LA, I will have something to show you," she said to him quietly. A soft blush creeping across her cheeks. She felt the anxiety start to build in her gut, she didn't know why she was so nervous to tell him.

"Oh yeah... and what is that?" he asked, tilting his head to the side slightly, curious as to what she was up too.

Her smile turned shy and she looked down. "I bought a house," she said quietly, almost too quietly. Her stomach flipped as she waited for his reaction, she was hoping he would be happy. She needed him to be happy for her.

His heart plummeted from his chest and a searing pain erupted throughout his entire body, he sucked in a breath but plastered a smile on his face. "Oh my gosh Mila, that's amazing. I know you have wanted to have a place in LA." He knew what that meant. It meant that she and Matthew really were serious, that he had missed his chance.

She studied him as he talked, she knew him well enough to know what he was just saying what she wanted to hear. But why? They had never had that kind of relationship. Where they needed to say things to each other, just to make the other happy. They had always been able to tell each other the truth no matter what. "Yeah... it's a cute little condo. It has these beautiful windows in the main living room and kitchen. I'll send you the pictures. I can't wait for you to see it!"'

He smiled at her words, nothing made him happier than when they saw each other. It had been two months since the Grammy Awards and then he had to start his tour in Europe. "Well, if we ever finish this song, then I will be there during my break so we can do the music video." He teased her and laughed as she stuck her tongue out at him.

"Shawn, I have to get going. But we will do this again tomorrow right?" the sadness in her voice nearly broke his already injured heart. He searched her face and saw something lurking behind her eyes, he just couldn't pinpoint what it was.

"Of course, I haven't missed a FaceTime date with you yet, I am not going to start now!" he teased, hoping to lighten the mood. The way that she smiled at him was all he needed to keep going. They said goodbye and he ended the call. He threw himself backward onto the bed and willed himself not to start crying.

How could he have been so stupid to let her slip through his fingers? How was all of this supposed to be worth it, if she wasn't his? He could feel the tears sting the back of his eyes, but he didn't let them fall. He let out a deep breath, but it didn't help the pain that lingered in his chest. He didn't know it would hurt this bad, didn't know it would feel like this. To lose a piece of your soul.

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After her call ended with Shawn, she felt the tears sting the back of her eyes. The ache in her chest intensified, as she thought about the pain that had flashed across his face when she told him about the house. Why had he pretended to be happy for her when it was clear that he wasn't? She didn't know why, but it felt like they were drifting apart. She hoped that this song they were working on would help to re-center their friendship. It had taken months and months of back and forth for them finally to agree. They spent hours on FaceTime together every night, working out the lyrics and melody. If she was being honest with herself, their video chats were the best part of her day.