How Many Ways

We Can't Let Go

A/N: Hello friends!! Long time no post! We have a lot to catch up on. I want to say thank you for sticking by and waiting. My personal life exploded and I have been very occupied with it. I missed writing and it felt great to start back up again and had helped to deal with the drama i am dealing with personally. 

The biggest of thank yous to my BFF emba91... couldn't ask for a better bff to be there and support me as I am going through all this crap in my life. <3 <3 <3 <3 

So to welcome you all back to my world, here is an emo af story!

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He sat in the middle of his hotel room bed, air pods in, but the music had gone quiet a long time ago. All he could hear was the gentle tapping of the summer rain on the window of his room. He was lost. Lost in his thoughts of her, lost in all the memories of her.

She had sent him some of the music she was working on for her second album. He got comfort in the fact that some things between them had not changed. Perhaps it was because she was using the music to work through the turmoil he had started.

He closed his eyes when another searing pain ripped through his chest, it was getting harder and harder to take a breath. He opened his eyes and looked back down at his phone, the name of the song scrolling across the screen.

"Should've Said It"

He took the air pods out of his ears and tossed them on the nearby night stand before collapsing on the bed. He could feel the sting of tears in his eyes as he replayed her words over and over in his head.

So you want me now? That's funny
'Cause you didn't give a... back then
Comin' back around, so sorry
'Cause there's no room in my bed
And I'm all good now, someone else is gettin' all of me
If you wanted me so desperately, you shoulda said it

He slammed his eyes shut, pushing down the nausea that started to roll through him, fighting off the panic that was threatening to spill out. He was suddenly flooded with all the memories of that night, that night he decided to tell her. To finally admit to her that he wanted her, after all this time.

He couldn't shake them, the memories continued to play in his mind. Over and over again.

>>>>>>>> flashback, summer 2018

They stood only about a foot apart, their eyes burning into each other. She had her arms crossed over her chest, hoping it would help protect her heart from what he had just said to her.

"Why didn't you say this two years ago?" she said to him, her voice level and firm. It almost scared her how steady it seemed.

"I have someone else now Shawn, I have a boyfriend. I moved on." She begged the tears to not start falling, she didn't want him to see how exactly she was feeling from his confession. The confession that was quickly breaking down her walls and causing the feelings and emotions she had log ago buried to start breaking free.

She raised her arms above her head and rested her hands against her forehead, she closed her eyes and tried to take a steadying breath. "I'm so mad at you!" she yelled at him, her eyes flying open and fixing on the tall boy in front of her. "WHY Shawn... WHY? Why now?" She was quickly losing her clam, she could feel the anger and resentment start to bubble up from her gut, invade her chest and threaten to spill out of her.

He knew this was a stupid idea, but he couldn't continue to breath without her knowing. "I've been so stupid, and you are right. I should have told you a lot sooner then this." He watched her digest his words, she opened her mouth to say something, but he stopped her by continuing to talk. "I know you have Matthew and if he makes you happy and loved the you the way you deserve to be loved then that's all that matters. But you needed to know. You deserved to now." He swallowed hard, pushing down the panic and tears that her going to spill out of him. "I have been in love with you this entire time. It haunts me every day, it doesn't go away. In fact, it only gets stronger." The last word barely above a whisper as he saw her start to break in front of him. He knew he wasn't being fair, he knew it was a dick thing to do, to admit his feelings when she was in a relationship.