Save me Romeo (bxb)

Chapter 21 - Happy but hurt

After I drove away from Luke's house, I couldn't stop the tears. It wasn't just because of his loving words, but the relief. I was very fucking afraid for a moment there. And just then I had realized how much more complicated that whole fucking situation actually was. That I physically couldn't tell people, because I was so afraid. Not because of the gay thing - well, not only. But because I had realized Luke deserved to know the whole truth about me, before he was able to say, he would love me no matter what.

When I came home, I quickly made my way to the bathroom without anybody noticing. No, dont you dare think Luke brought me to cut myself again. No one brought me to do it. It was my choice of how to deal with my inner pain. A pain caused by one person and one person only. And that person wasn't Luke or Cody or anybody in this beautiful messed up town. Not even Camilla. And it wasn't because of what Luke said, at all. The whole situation just showed me, what a fuck up I really was. That the gay thing wasn't even the biggest problem here. Sure it scared the living shit out of me at the beginning, but I was over that.

Seeing the blood roll in thin rivers down my inner thigh, made me release the breath I was apparently holding. Or maybe it was just a mental breath. But I felt some sort of release. And the fucking pain. God, it hurts like a bitch. I quickly searched for a bandage, so my bedsheets wouldn't be soaked in blood. Yeah I know, that sounds disgusting, thank you very much.

I fell back on my bed and breathed into the pain. It was kind of a relief to know where the pain was coming from, who caused it and how to heal it. Not like with my emotional pain, that wasn't as strong anymore. Its like cutting up your wounds, because you are afraid of the scars. 

Suddenly, my phone was buzzing. With a heavy sigh, I turned around and grabbed it from the bedside table. I winced a little, when I abruptly sat up, putting my full weight on the fresh cut now. Taking a deep breath to ease the pain always helped. A little at least. Pulling yourself together, you know? I took a look at the text I had received.

Your Romeo❤️: Hope you had fun with your friends. Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow - wanna come over after school? Night babe

A sad smile crept its way to my lips. Why was everything so difficult? I should be happy. I had the best boyfriend, from what I could tell so far, don't wanna jinx it, in the whole wide world and he accepted me the way I was. My friends were amazing and just as supportive as my mom and Cody. But why the fuck couldn't I just be less hurting? I was happy, they all made me happy, but I was still in so much fucking pain. And now, there was another person in my life I had to be strong for. He would beg the differ, but I wanted him to have just as of an amazing boyfriend as I had. So far, I was doing a pretty shitty job at that. 

I would have probably cried myself to sleep that night, but I had promised myself I would be strong. For my family, my friends and for him. And thats what I did, being strong. I could barly sleep, because let me tell you something, being strong and botteling everything up is fucking exhausing. Like, crying would probably be less stressful all night. But hey, you gotta do what you gotta do, am I right?

-

"You look like shit" Nick grinned, his arm snaked around his new girlfriend. Or old girlfriend. Honestly, I was still the new kid, just like Cody, and I had already lost count of Nicks girlfriends. How are there still girls here he hasn't dated yet?? What was the name of that one again? A fuck me, I don't remember.

"Wow thanks dude" I replied a little too bitchy, as I sat down my tray, with nothing but a bottle of water and an apple on it, on the table and took a seat between Romeo and Amelie. I wasn't hungry, like at all. I hadn't eaten anything since Saturday evening, which wasn't long honestly, I used to go days without eating one bite. Its not that I'm anorexic or something. No, really, I usually like to eat a lot.