Chapter 39 - Killing me softly

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I have seen a gun before. 

Sometimes, when I'm walking down the street and see two policemen, I immediately notice their guns. I know they wouldn't use it against me, well, if I don't do anything wrong, but still, it always made me a little nervous knowing somebody was walking by, that could kill me in a matter of seconds, just by pulling the trigger. When my family and I visited our Uncle Freds house about 10 years ago, he showed us boys his gun-collection, proud as a man can be. My mom got so furious, she packed us into the car and we never saw or heard from Uncle Fred again. That was the closest I ever got to a gun. 

Until now. 

The phrase 'being afraid for your life' was actually true for the first time ever. When Ray had forced himself on me in that locker room, I was afraid the whole fucking time. But not really for my life. I don't even think I would have cared, if he had took that as well after he was finished, but now, I did not want to die. 

The cold metal of the gun was pressed against my forehead and I could do nothing. I didn't breath, I don't think my heart worked, I just stood there, knowing I would die. My friends, my brother and Romeo were now all standing around me and Ray, shocked beyond believe. Nobody dared to say anything for the first second, since we all madly misjudged Ray, again. I thought the worst that could happen was, that he would rape me. Again. But never in the world did I take him for... for a killer. Fuck I was going to die. I was going to be shot in the fucking head here in the front office of my school, in front of everyone I loved. 

Ray just stared at me, at first neutral, not too angry not anything, but seeing me loose my cool completely made him grin. 

"Ray. Put the gun down" Romeo said, very calmly, but I could still hear the terror in his voice. I tried to breath, but I didn't really dared to do so. One wrong movement and my brain would be against the wall behind me. As I needed to breath nevertheless I tried to, very quietly, exhale through my nose. I'm going to die, I'm going to fucking die!

"No can do lover boy. You all think you can fight me? Me??" Ray laughed, pressing the gun even more against my forehead. I wanted to scream or cry or both. But I couldn't. I closed my eyes as I couldn't bare to look at that thing that is going to kill me any second now. And I mean both the gun and Ray. 

"Ray, please. Let him go and we can talk about this. We can delete the tape and we won't press charges. Just please, let him go" Cody said. There was a slight shake in his voice and god, did I want to shake right now. 

"Yeah, no. I don't believe you guys. I don't trust you. You want to see me in jail? Very well, but not before I finish what I started. Besides, I'm really enjoying this right now" Ray smiled at me. Fuck. I couldn't even think straight anymore, all I saw was death. I was going to die today... who would have thought? 

"All of you, over there where I can see you. You do as I say or Blakey boy over here will be merely a corpse" Ray said. At first my friends hesitated. But then they quickly walked over to the wall, forming a line, so Ray could see what they were doing and wouldn't panic and just shoot me. I wanted to be somewhere else, just laying in my bed with Romeo, cuddling and the world would be ok. That was a nice thought and maybe my last one. Oh fuck, oh fuck!

"Now Blake, it appears I don't have much time. How will I break you... any ideas? Or should I just shoot you? Lets be honest, my life would be already ruined after this, so a life time in prison doesn't sound too bad. What do you say Blake? Should I blow your brain out?" Ray chuckled, moving the gun from my forehead to my temple. He was going to shoot me, he was going to fucking shoot me now. I realized, that my breathing has picked up and now I was really shaking. 

"Ray, please, we won't say any-" Cody tried again but was cut off. 

"Cody, would you just shut the fuck up?? Like damn, its like you want your little brother dead. Fucking hell. Anyways, where were we?" Ray said turning his attention back to me. He studied my eyes as if to see them one last time before he would kill me. I couldn't look away. I wanted to, but I was too afraid that would trigger him somehow. 

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