Smile For Me

Chapter 27 - All His Again

After Eddie's agreement to letting me live at his house, he's done his best to nurse me back to health. I wasn't leaving home until I've gained more weight, so mum and dad and Eddie fed me so much until I'd feel sick and refuse any more. Eddie gave me little massages in bed as well as kisses now, and he tried not to touch me as much, he knew I was too tired out for it. We all started going on short family walks every morning too, since I'm having difficulty just walking up and down the stairs now. I was always exhausted when we got home or would have to take a break on a nearby bench every now and then, but I actually enjoyed this little routine. I never really did anything with my parents, so a simple walk made me feel a bit more happy.

I was still told to act clingy to Eddie though, even when I'm enjoying myself I'm not allowed to show it. He says dad could change his mind about me moving out, if I'm not needing Eddie by my side then there's no point in me staying at his house. So, I remained quiet and followed Eddie around every chance I could, and Eddie fed me and cuddled me every chance he could. By the beginning of May, I had gained enough weight to go.

Dad packed most my clothes and books for me since I got tired too easily, my arms and legs were constantly aching now from the small exercises. Mum took me shopping one early morning, it was supposed to be a big treat but by this point I was already spoiled enough to last me years. She even bought me a phone, which she swore she wouldn't do until I was eighteen. Mum rubbed my arm and kissed my forehead,"Do you like it Janie? I figured it was about time you had one...I'm sorry I wouldn't cave before." I forced myself to smile and nod as I looked down at my new phone. Any other time I would have been thrilled from this present, but I already had one hidden at Eddie's house, it only made me feel more guilty. I didn't feel deserving of all this. Mum tried taking me into a fourth clothes store but she decided it best that we head back home, she could see how exhausted I looked.

She held my hand on the walk back, as if I were seven again. "Janie, you know you can tell me whenever it's too much for you,"mum said gently. I looked down awkwardly, shrugging a little. She frowned sadly. "You need to promise me you'll tell someone whenever you feel sick at school, I've already talked to your teacher about the whole thing, but promise me you will." I didn't want to promise that. I hated sticking my hand up in the middle of a lesson, and I didn't want to crowd attention. I was suddenly anxious again about going back to school, that's in two days time now. I didn't promise her in words, but I nodded my head, it seemed good enough.

It was quiet for a moment, and mum squeezed my hand when she looked down at me again. "Will you...will you be okay?"she asked. I shrugged again and said in a squeak,"I'll be fine, Breah will be with me." Mum stopped walking, it looked like tears were in her eyes. "No I mean, with Eddie?"she said. I think she was secretly wanting me to say no, to say that I want to stay with her and dad. The look on her face tore me, but I promised Eddie I'd do this, and I still loved him anyway. "Of course I'll be fine,"I said quietly. It hurt me too much to see the look on her face. I quickly leaned in to hug her, mum sniffed and hugged me back. She kissed the top of my head as she ran her fingers through my hair,"Please call me Janie, call me any time you need me, I'll be there." I bit my cheeks to stop myself from sobbing, more guilt was only prodding at me. I hated thinking about all those times we argued, I wished I was better to her before. I got what I wanted, I can see her and dad again, but there was a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. I had a feeling Eddie won't let me visit them much, and that worried me.

I clasped her hand tight all the way home and she gently squeezed mine back. When we got back home I found a couple suitcases already packed for me, Eddie helping dad pack the last one. Dad's own face looked sad again, his eyes watery and his lip drooping. I only just came home to them a month ago, and I was going again already. They trusted Eddie enough to take care of me, but they still wanted me to stay all the same. Dad walked over to me and smiled shakily as he placed a hand on my shoulder,"Finally got your own phone, eh? You look so grown up now." I looked down at my new clothes and the phone in my hand, I guess I looked more like a teenager now, but I still had the same timid and babyish face. I didn't care how I looked though. The way dad was talking was like I was moving out forever, and it felt true. Would Eddie ever let me come back here?