Smile For Me

Chapter 59 - Uninvited Guests

I had a lot more similar days like the last, if anything upset Eddie he'd punish me in different ways. The nappy was a common punishment now, and I even got used to it after a week. I still hated it though. Whenever Eddie wasn't upset, he'd have his old personality, which consisted of talking sweetly, babying me, and doing whatever was needed to make me happy. I didn't want to believe it at first, since it first started in May, but I think I really was spoiled now. I'd get really upset if Eddie was being firm with me, if I didn't get my way, and even though Eddie would discipline me for my bad behaviour, he liked it. He liked being in the father role, and he approved of my childish nature. I didn't like how bratty I sounded whenever I talked now, but I couldn't help it. I felt so lifeless, so tired and so empty now I didn't have anything else. I took advantage of Eddie pampering me, because I thought it might make me happy again. But everyone knows you can't buy happiness, and although I'm not asking Eddie to necessarily buy anything for me, I'm welcoming him to spoil and coddle me. The only thing I thought I wanted now, was his affection.

He still brushed my teeth for me and it became a routine, I'd expect him to follow me into the bathroom every morning and night. I didn't let him touch my mouth with his fingers anymore though, I'd move his hands away if he tried to turn my lips upwards into a smile. It's because I didn't want him to touch my teeth or look at them. There wasn't anything wrong with them, but I just didn't want to be reminded that he was a dentist. Eddie kept trying to check my teeth, to check that they were still perfect, because he never got to give me a proper checkup since I had that episode, and I'd start crying if he tried making another appointment. I refused to go. I even screamed one time when he tried to see my teeth. After he washed my face with a flannel he smiled at me in the mirror, his fingers reaching up to my mouth. "Princess...will you let daddy have a look now?"he whispered patiently. Before he could part my lips I smacked his hand away and ducked my head, whingeing a 'no', but not too whiney so he'll be angry with me, just enough so he'd feel sad for me. I was clearly good at crying now, and so I made myself tear up if he tried to continue further. Eddie would sigh at that, but softly, and scoop me up for a cuddle and kiss, apologising.

I was in one of my bad moods today, for no clear reason. So I was disobedient. I didn't feel like doing anything, it was a Saturday and I wouldn't simply go to the kitchen to have my breakfast, so Eddie had to carry me out of bed, even putting a bib on me and feeding me my cereal. He gently wiped my mouth with the bib when I was done, staring at me admiringly. "Is my grumpy girl all better?"he asked. I folded my arms and made another whiney noise, but he laughed at that. I had to stay home alone while he was at work, and I was utterly bored the whole time. Before Eddie left he sat me down on the sofa with a blanket over my shoulders and gave me my dummy to suck on, then he turned on the TV to an appropriate channel for me, and kissed my cheek goodbye. As soon as he was gone, I lost interest in the TV show, and my sucking noises slowed down. I looked down sadly, I could only feel something when others were there with me, to give me something to react to. I was out of antidepressants, the ones I hid under the mattress, and so I was sad again. I wanted to invite Louise round, but I knew Eddie wouldn't approve of that.

I planned to ask him anyway when he came home, and by this point I was lying back on our bed and staring up at the ceiling, the duvet covers a mess because it was boiling hot, and the TV still on with my other mess of toys and blankets on the sofa. Eddie entered the bedroom shaking his head at me, I was on my second phone, my eyes scanning over the last conversation between Louise and I from a couple days ago. It was the first time we skipped a day talking to each other, and it worried me. "Baby, one mess at a time, yeah?"Eddie said, but he wasn't really angry, in fact he was trying not to smile. He didn't feel like smiling when he spotted my phone though, he didn't think I used this phone anymore, the one where I can contact my friends. I think I stared at the screen a little too long for his liking, he didn't like me using my phones when he was speaking, I quickly switched it off to look at him. "I'm sorry, oh..the mess, I'm sorry again.."I apologised quietly. I sat up in my mess of a bed and started fixing the duvet so it was neat again, but Eddie didn't care about that. He forced a smile, and I prepared myself for him to get upset.