Smile For Me

Chapter 30 - Back To School

Luckily the next morning when I sat up in bed my head didn't spin. I blinked hard a few times to wake myself up, my headache appeared to be gone. Sunshine filled the room, though not as bright as yesterday, and I knew if I wanted to finally go back to school today then I had to get ready now. I flinched when someone held onto my arm, I woke Eddie. "Baby? What are you doing?"he mumbled. He carried me back down to his bedroom after mum and dad left yesterday. I looked over at the alarm clock, it was 7:48 am, as I guessed it was late. I took a deep breath as I stared ahead of me. "I'm gonna get ready for school, I'm not ill anymore,"I said clearly. Eddie paused for a moment, looking unsure, and my heart hammered with suspense. He sighed softly and it felt safe to breathe again. He sat up with me and gently held my hand, he began stroking it carefully,"Will you be...fine, at school?" It was weird hearing him sound kind after something so horrible he did to me yesterday. I didn't dare say anything about that though and nodded quickly.

Eddie stared me in the eyes for a long while, and he could see how much I wanted to go. He nodded too and whispered,"Alright." I felt myself smile a little. He squeezed my hand,"But you must tell someone if you feel unwell, or anxious even. I know how worried you can get Janie." I looked down uncomfortably, I hated being reminded of how nervous I am. The last thing I want at school is for a panic attack to occur. Eddie kissed my cheek and said,"Come on, I'll make breakfast now." I followed him into the kitchen where he toasted waffles for me, I didn't feel particularly hungry but he didn't let me leave the table until I ate everything. I tapped my feet on the floor as I chewed faster, glancing anxiously at the time on my phone every now and then.

When I sipped my orange juice too fast I coughed a little, it alerted Eddie. He put the kettle back down on the counter and rushed over to me, holding my shoulders,"Hey hey, slow down baby! You'll get hiccups at this rate." I blushed shamefully as he rubbed my back, like I was a baby. Eddie quickly checked the time on his watch,"Look, I'll drive you to school if you want, you won't be late then, okay?" I nodded and took my hand away from my mouth,"Okay." He continued to rub my back soothingly, he was frowning now, looking concerned. "If you wait after school an extra ten minutes or so I could drive you home too, I think it's going to rain this afternoon,"he offered. I shifted a little. I always walked home with Breah, I didn't want that to change, especially now she's close friends with Anna.

"No, that's okay,"I whispered.
"You sure? I don't want you walking back all by yourself Janie." I rolled my eyes a little. "I won't be alone I'll walk home with Breah,"I said more firmly. When his hand stopped rubbing gentle circles on my back I knew I'd done it. Why did I snap at him like that? He furrowed his eyebrows a little and squinted at me, I looked down and swallowed. I should know by now to never argue with him when he's upset. He moved his hands away and said calmly,"Okay, fine." His voice sounded tense at the same time though. He took my plate away and said quietly,"Could you please go get changed now Janie." I swallowed again, there was now a lump in my throat. I mumbled a sad 'yes Eddie' and hurried off back to our bedroom.

I got dressed quickly as I tried not to cry. I wasn't even sure why I was near tears. I bit the inside of my cheeks the whole time I changed, my hands trembled as I tried tying my shoelaces. I flinched when the bedroom door opened, Eddie shook his head softly when he saw me having trouble tying my shoes. He crouched down to tie them himself, I couldn't tell whether he was still upset with me or not. He lifted me to my feet when he was done and made me stand in front of the mirror.

Eddie observed my uniform, making sure I looked neat and tidy. He buttoned up my blazer and straightened my tie, asking me to turn around every now and then, I held my breath again the whole time. "Twirl one more time Janie,"Eddie told me. I turned around on my heel so my back was to him like he wanted, and there was a pause - before I suddenly felt him cup my butt. It made me jump and move away from him,"E-Eddie!" He just smiled at me. "I'm sorry baby, you just look so cute in your little girly clothes,"Eddie said, trying to hide his smug side. I looked down, feeling uncomfortable again. I held my tears back. Eddie then looked down too, at my skirt. His smug smile slowly turned into a frown instead, he held the hem of my skirt and gently tugged it down a little so it was touching my knees properly. "You can wear it as short as you like here at home, but I'm not letting you put on a show for everyone else,"Eddie said firmly. I felt myself turn red from shame. I knew my skirt wasn't even that short and it was just Eddie being jealous, but it still made me feel bad. I felt my knees start to shake.

He grabbed the hairbrush to quickly tidy up my hair too, tutting as he did so, but he began brushing it more gently when he saw the sad look on my face. He calmed down a little for me. When he put the brush down he slid the ladybird hairclip in, stroking my hair a few times when he was done. "There, you look sweet,"Eddie smiled. I touched the ladybird as I stared at myself in the mirror, I forgot he bought me this. It was weird remembering when I eyed this hairclip in that shop with Breah all those months ago, that was before everything happened. Eddie took my hand which woke me up, he led me to the kitchen and handed me my old backpack. It was an old blue bag with a couple of daisies stitched on the back, I've wanted a new bag for years but I held onto it tightly, it seemed to bring me comfort now. Eddie patted the bag,"I've packed your lunch for you, there's plenty of juice in case you feel faint, but you should tell someone if you feel sick anyway." He suddenly sounded serious and responsible again, as if he didn't touch my butt a moment ago. He grabbed my coat and put my arms through the sleeves for me, then we were out the door and in the car.

Eddie held my hand the whole drive there, and kept telling me what to do if I didn't feel well during a lesson, or if things got too much for me I could ask to sit in the medical room. I blushed from how he was treating me and sank down a little in my seat, how I always do when I'm nervous. I was happy I'm finally going back of course, but I was afraid of embarrassing myself. I couldn't tell whether I was excited or scared, I had to swallow hard several times in case I was sick in the car. The sun was still here but dark clouds were moving in, which already seemed to spoil the day. I hoped it wouldn't rain like Eddie said it would. He squeezed my hand when he realised I was spacing out,"Janie? Janie you're daydreaming again, are you okay?" I wriggled a little in my seat and said 'Yes', though I didn't mean for it to sound so whiny. I just didn't like it when he talked like that over every little thing I did, he just wants me to admit that I'm not okay so he can send me back home.

Eddie sighed and I tensed up when I thought I had done it again, but when he parked nearby the school he looked more sad than angry when he faced me. "I'm sorry Janie, it's just..hard for me, to let you go. I feel so much better when I know you're safe at home,"he said quietly. He basically admitted he wanted me to stay home, but instead of getting angry I frowned with sympathy instead. He just wants to protect me, he looks genuinely sad that I have to go, as if it were my very first day of school. I was just too impatient with him. "It's fine Eddie.."I said. I then felt sad too and found I wanted to hug him. I didn't want to leave this car on bad terms with him, I'd feel guilty all day. He sensed this and leaned in towards me with his arms open, I threw my arms round his neck as he hugged me back. He rubbed my back again making me feel emotional. "Your phone's in your bag, message me anytime you need me, okay?"he whispered. I nodded and blinked hard.

He was hesitant to break the hug and so was I for a second. He wanted to kiss me, but several students walked by the car, hurrying to the school entrance. I quickly pecked Eddie's cheek instead then opened the car door and rushed out, the sudden breeze flowing forward giving me goosebumps. I walked faster up the pavement with all the other students, my heart starting to accelerate. I was beginning to feel anxious, a few girls and boys from the year below me looked my way, knowing I was the missing girl. I turned back once to see Eddie, who was still watching me from his car. He was frowning and biting his lip a little, maybe wondering whether it was a mistake to let me go or not.