Smile For Me

Chapter 46 - His Approval

"Baby, you want a little snack?"Eddie cheerily showed me a plate of chocolate chip cookies he just made. I wasn't hungry, but I nodded and took one anyway. Last time he offered me something and I refused he got upset. Any little thing could upset him now. He didn't get angry or anything, he would just squint at me a little and make a 'hmm' noise and then go quiet, his smiles looking forced as he pretended he was fine, but he would be twitchy and tense. He smiled now when I took a cookie and nibbled on it, he put the plate down on the coffee table in case I wanted more. Eddie took a seat on the sofa so we could cuddle, he wanted me to keep eating a little more but I had trouble finishing the first cookie. They tasted lovely, the center still warm so the chocolate chips were gooey and melted nicely in your mouth, but I already had a whole bottle of chocolate milk. It was a thing that happened daily now, he insisted he had to feed me with the bottle, he changed it up every now and then so I wouldn't get bored, sometimes giving me banana milk or strawberry. Even though I was used to this now, I was sick of everyone still trying to feed me more. It's because I still don't look quite my old self yet, and although Eddie doesn't want me to appear healthy so I can go back home to my parents, he'd never want to starve me.

Even the teachers at school announced that I could have free meals in the canteen, I never went there though. Abby and our group still treated me like the sensitive one, but thankfully Louise didn't make me feel any different. Louise gave me a small gift one lunchtime, but it wasn't a 'here, I hope you get better' present, it was a present to show that we were truly friends now. It was one of her bracelets, she had many black and brown ones dangling from her wrists. The one she gave me had tiny silver moon and star charms hanging from it, I stared down at it in awe when she handed it to me,"Here, it's not as good as your ladybird, but you can have it." I was used to fidgeting with my hairclip, but I could fidget with this whenever I was anxious instead. I think Louise knew Anna had snatched my ladybird, but she didn't confront her about it. She knows I don't like fights, and it was pointless anyway. It was stolen a week ago now, so Anna has probably thrown it away by now. Eddie tried looking for the hairclip at the shop he bought it from, but they weren't selling it anymore. I was sad at first, but I was touched from the new bracelet I had.

It was different for me, and I thought it looked really cool, but Eddie didn't when we got home. He eyed it in the car, and he held my arm firmly when we got inside. Eddie lifted my arm so he could see it properly,"What's this then Janie? Moons and stars?" I gently but firmly pulled my arm away, scared he'd confiscate it. "Yeah..Louise gave it to me,"I mumbled. "She knew I was sad about my lost ladybird, so she let me have this." Eddie made that 'hm' sound again, the noise he makes when he's pretending he's okay with something, but he really isn't. "What about your own little bracelet I got you?"he suggested. He was referring to the Pandora one he got me months ago. I haven't worn it in ages because I didn't want to think of the past, the times I was so selfish and calm with knowing my parents and the police would be searching for me, worried sick. "But I can't wear that at school Eddie, it's too expensive,"I said quickly. He made the same sound again, but he nodded after. "Yes, perhaps you're right about that. How about we just find some new hair slides for you? I'll buy you some new bracelets too,"he offered. I knew this was only so I wouldn't have to wear Louise's bracelet. I frowned. I was about to protest but he already started leading me to the computer, insisting on it.

Eddie sat me down on his lap as he scrolled through a website, it was full of cute clothes and accessories. I kept staring longingly at the dark stuff as I was taking an interest in gothic style now, but Eddie pointed to the girly stuff. "How about pink? Oh look Janie, a strawberry clip,"he said. I thought it looked cute, but I didn't like what he was secretly doing. Eddie ended up buying some pink headbands for me but I stared sadly away from the screen, he wasn't letting me have my own style, he only allowed me to wear what he wanted. It's not like I hate all girly stuff now, I just wanted to explore my own style.