Smile For Me

Chapter 58 - Humiliation

It was the start of July now, and I had persistent bad dreams every night now. I had a new recurring nightmare. I'd dream that we had sex, but he wouldn't give me the pills after. We were in the basement, my prison, I was curled up on the bed crying because he got me pregnant, but he wasn't moved by my tears. He just played with my hair like he always does and nestled close to me. He gently shushed me and murmured things like 'it's okay baby', 'I needed to do it', 'now you'll be mine forever'. He kissed my tummy over and over and slowly headed down to my woman parts to pleasure me, determimed to fill me up with more sperm so he ensured I really was pregnant. He grunted and moaned on top of me when he was satisfied a second time. He smiled when he pulled out. "There...don't worry Janie, you'll always be my little baby, no matter how many children you bear." I'd always wake up shaking and sweating in the night, and Eddie would have to turn on the light and cradle me and shush me to calm me down, I never told him what my nightmare was though.

It scared me, because Eddie could easily snap and hide the birth control pills from me again. An even worse dream was being strapped into the dental chair, a needle between Eddie's fingers and that grin on his face. Sometimes it got so bad I would start screaming if it was dark in the room when I woke up, Eddie had to keep the lamp on for me now. If it was midnight, and I would just not stop crying and calm down, he'd take me into the living room and turn on the TV as we cuddled under a blanket, putting on a kid's show or a comedy for me. I had enough by the end of the week, and I was going to take my antidepressants again.

* * *
When not provoked or reminded of Calum, Eddie was his kind and gentle old self again. He was currently hurt though, he was upset that I wasn't smiling anymore, and he worried about that. He gave me my antidepressants and turned the box around to read the back, it was empty now. "Hmm, these are the last ones, and they should have worked by now. Janie, how do you feel?"he asked, as if it weren't obvious this past week. I felt scared, I felt like nothing, but I didn't say that. I just shrugged. I tried not to look guilty, I didn't want him to know I was hiding them this whole time. This time he stayed to watch me eat, but I didn't mind because I wanted to take my pills again now. He watched me swallow them and nodded approvingly. Unless he was planning to take me back to the doctors, I'd have to lift the matress when he leaves the room so I could take them in the morning, but he wouldn't leave my side at all now, because he was growing worried for me. He was clingy and spoke sweetly to me again, kissing my arms when he finally unbandaged them and feeding me some chocolate milk like a baby. He was back to babying me again, something he couldn't resist doing. Until he discovered something on his computer that threw him off again.

After school, when Eddie was driving me home, I could see that he was tense, tapping the steering wheel a little impatiently and his jaw going a little tight. "How was school?"he asked. But he didn't sound happy when saying it, and he wouldn't look at me. "It was okay.."I said quietly. It was better than okay, because Mrs Winnie made our lessons extra special and fun, but I knew Eddie wasn't in the mood to hear my stories. He didn't even kiss me when I strapped myself in, and so I knew something was definitely wrong. The drive was quiet, and he only spoke to me again when we got inside the house. He shut the door a little too hard making me jump, then he locked it, watching me remove my shoes and backpack. "So,"he said a little loudly. "Janie, you remember when we had that little talk a week ago? Right here?" He pointed to the floor where I had a tantrum after he ripped the prom photo up spitefully. I swallowed. "Y-Yes?"I squeaked. He forced a smile and tilted his head, but his lips looked strained. "And remember I asked you to not keep secrets from me anymore?"he said through gritted teeth. I stared up at him fearfully.

Eddie crouched down to my level to stare at me, like a parent does to a naughty child, his hands together and his dark eyes looking intently into mine. He looked annoyed, yet he chuckled a little. "Janie, was there anything else you forgot to mention?"he said, sounding more stern now. I didn't say anything. Eddie held my shoulder and then whispered in my ear,"Remember when I turned up to be your prom date? I wanted to be your first dance, who else besides your little girly friends did you dance with?" I felt sick, someone must have posted a video of Calum and I dancing. I still kept quiet and so Eddie stood up, looking more angry now. He held my arm,"Come on, I want to show you something." I thought he might show me his computer, but my chest hurt when he lead the way to the basement. I stopped walking and shook my head, making Eddie glare at me. "Do you want to sleep down here again?"he snapped impatiently. Tears filled my eyes and I let him walk me down the stairs, starting to sob a little to myself.