Safe With You

12. I Need Him.

*this is a big chapter for triggers so read with caution*

I didn't tell Hunter about what Jack said. I haven't really talked to Hunter in the past two weeks. Now that I think about it, I haven't talked to him at all.

At this point in Jack and I's relationship, the aggression has become daily, but they aren't bad. Nothing I can't patch up myself or him just yelling at me. However, I can tell things are going to get bad soon. It's been a while since he's had a real episode.

That is this feeling but it's every time he walks into the room, I can't breathe. My life has turned into walking on eggshells at all times. And its not like before. Before, I lost my breath because his presence sent chills of affection all over my body. Now, its like every time he gets close to me all the air is sucked out of me and I can't seem to get my breath back in until he leaves, because I'm bracing for pain.

Sometimes he calls me crazy, that he's not treating me badly. He's telling me how it is and trying to help me better myself as a person. Maybe I am overreacting, seriously I mean he's great. What girl wouldn't want to be with him? He's got money, a good job, he's handsome and he's brutally honest sometimes. That's just how he is.

Theres also the good days where I only hear mumbles and sarcastic comments, days he kisses me and doesn't try and push it. Theres times where he is caring and apologizes, helps me around the house and we have good talks. The pain sucks, but the feeling of being loved by him outweighs all of those things by a long shot. 

I snap out of my thoughts as Jack enters the room and sits next to me, throwing his arm around me. I adjust myself and that gut feeling hits me out of nowhere. Maybe its the whiskey on his breath since he is always mean when he drinks. He looks down at me for a few seconds and I force a smile on my face before returning my attention back to the TV. He puts down his drink and turns down the TV.

"Alright, now whats wrong?" He asks, turning to face me. Sometimes I feel like I'm such a burden on him. Like he would be better off not worrying about me.

"What? I don't know what you're talking about." I try and play it off but apparently it's obvious that I'm lying. Because really I'm not fine, whether I know it or not.

"No, every time I sit close to you, or lay down next to you in bed, or ever walk in the goddamn room you tense up or act weird! What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Nothing, really, I'm fine!" I insist. "It won't happen again."

He scoffs and takes another drink. "Whatever." He returns to his position and I can't help it. "SEE!" He slams his drink down, making it spill everywhere. "There you go AGAIN!"

"I I-'ll go clean this up." I say quickly making my way to the kitchen.

"Y'know you're a wORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT! YOU KNOW THAT?" He shouts from the couch.

He loves you, its just a bad day.

"I MEAN YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT,"

Its fine, he loves you.

"YOU'RE ALWAYS TALKING TO OTHER GUYS."

He needs you.

"WHY DON'T YOU JUST DO THE WORLD A FAVOR,"

He needs you.

"AND KILL YOURSELF!"

You need him.

"YOU'RE A STUPID BITCH!" I take the washcloth and wipe up the drink that he spilled, wishing that this would end sooner than later. "HEY! LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!" He jumps up and grabs my hair.

"Jack let go!"

"I said... LOOK AT ME!" His hand grabs almost all my hair and forces me to look up at him. In that exact moment I no longer see the eyes that I used to get lost in. I see a horrible heartless person. Yet I can't bring myself to really leave him. The second he releases my hair I attempt go to the door but he's right behind me. "DON'T THINK ABOUT LEAVING!" I look up at him still struggling with the door. "WHAT DID I JUST SAY?!" He shuts the door and strikes my face but I manage to stay up. "Still tryin to be tough huh?" He hits me again, but I'm still standing. "You're a WORTHLESS BITCH!" This time he isn't going to let me stay on my feet and I go down. "GO KILL YOURSELF!" He spits and then walks back into the living room, plopping himself on the couch like nothing had just happened.

After waiting a few minutes, hoping he's forgotten by now I try and pull myself up, but I'm so dizzy I can barely open my eyes without wanting to puke. I sit back down and put my head in my hands and squeeze my eyes shut. I slowly start to cry which only makes it worse. A few short moments later I open my eyes and everything is getting dark.

"Aly? Aly oh my gosh!" I feel a pair of arms wrap around me and carry me into Jack and I's bedroom.

"Hunter?" I ask, unable to see anything.

"WHAT?!" The pair of arms that were wrapped around me let go of me about 4 feet above the hardwood, my head and back hit the floor with a loud smack. My whole body aches and my back feels like it's cracked in half. "WHY ARE YOU CALLING FOR THAT FAGGOT?! I TRY AND HELP YOU AND YOU CALL FOR HIM!?" I should've known it was Jack.

"Jack, I- I'm sor- sorry." I try and get him to make it better which only makes it worse.

"OH GIVE IT UP!" His foot goes into my side, knocking the wind out of me. My lungs feel like they just got run over by an 18 wheeler. 

His voice and footsteps get quieter and I hear him recline in the chair downstairs.

My ribs have to be cracked or something, him dropping me like that after already being hit had to give me a concussion. A few seconds later I throw up but its mostly just mucus. 

Finally getting my wind back and stop feeling nauseous, I melt into a puddle of blood and tears on the floor.