Safe With You

41. Goodbyes

*one week later*

The past week has been hard. Really hard. I don't feel the same sparks that I did before. When he touches me I feel nothing. When he kisses me it feel... I honestly can't even explain it. I don't feel nothing, but it sure isn't the same. I can tell he feels the same way too, because when we pull away, he doesn't smile or smirk or anything. We just awkwardly walk away like nothing just happened.

Its like there's something in the air, a cloud, a fog, something hanging over our heads that we don't want to acknowledge. We watch movies, but nothing can make us laugh. I haven't smiled at all, not even once, and neither has he from what I've seen. Whenever I walk in and see him packing, I close my eyes and walk out.

We rarely speak, and even when we do we don't look at each other. We're usually in different rooms and we just tell each other that we're leaving for the store, or if it's him the studio.

~~~

Today, today he leaves. Today we have to face... whatever this is and decide if we want to stay together or not. I've been thinking about it nonstop for the whole week and I've come to a conclusion:

I have no clue.

If I thought of a reason to break up with him, I would think of one just as good to stay that completely contradicted my last thought. I want to believe our love is strong enough to get through this, I really really want to, but this week hasn't exactly helped that matter in any way whatsoever. I've tried, so hard and so has he but nothing is working. That's why none of this is fair, in the end nobody's happy. I can't live without him but I want to be happy. If I stay, I'll be with him, but I'll also be alone. If I go, I won't have him, and I can try and find someone as good as him, but I can't guarantee that and it won't be him.

I pull myself out of my thoughts and look at the clock, he has to leave in about 3 hours so I decide to wake him up. Flipping over, I lightly shake his arm, he looks sweaty, like he didn't sleep at all last night. His face looks washed out, except for his cheeks that are red and puffy. I move my hand onto his face and rub his cheek, messing with his hair above his ear tangling my fingers in it. For the first time in a week, I want to kiss him because I have an urge to. I scoot over, our lips brush against each other's and I breathe against him. I hover, thinking about whether I should or not. But honestly, what have I got to lose? I give in and our lips melt together. When he wakes up he thankfully doesn't pull away and his tongue dances his way into my mouth, I smirk against his lips and smile for the first time this week. He mirrors my smile and moves his hand around my back and chills run thought my body. His lips pull away from mine and it doesn't take him long to trail kisses down my neck.

"Hunner." I whine tangling my hands in his hair. He starts to nibble on my ear with a big ass smile on his face, ignoring me and running his hands through my hair. "Hunt." I start to breathe heavier and tug his hair even more. I bend down and kiss him again, this time even more intense than the last. Our legs tangle together, only bringing us closer. I slowly pull away and look in his eyes, they're a bright light blue. "Hunt, we gotta get up." I whisper breathlessly.

"Okay babe." He smiles and so do I, resting our foreheads together. "I missed your smile so much." He says in a whisper.

"I missed yours too." I peck his lips and jump out of bed, immediately regretting that because my vision is blocked by those little black and white fuzz spots and I feel light headed. "Woah." I say laying my head back down.

He crawls out on my side and stands me up, resting my head on his chest. "You okay?" He asks looking down at me.

The blood finally rushes back into my head and I look up. "Better than ever."

~~~

We were frantically shoving all his stuff in the back of his car since his plane left in an hour and it takes 30 minutes to get to the airport. We probably should've planned our time out better, then again it puts off the subject that I'm trying to avoid even longer. Once we get everything packed, we decide to say goodbye here. This is it. This is when we decide if we want to try this or not.

He shuts his trunk, still looking down and slides his hands off the car and into his pockets as he walks towards me. We both look down at our feet, the snow sticks to the ground as it starts to come down harder.

"So," He says.

I look up and see his eyes again, they're grey now. "Yeah." I whisper, feeling a lump form in my throat.

He takes his hand out of his pocket, about to say something, brings it closer to him, then back to me. He does this about two more times before he touches my shoulder and pulls my shoulder towards him into a hug. His warmth surrounds me and I put my arms just above his hips and pull him closer. My lip starts to quiver and a tear escapes my eye. I can see my breathing in the cold air, especially when it starts to become more and more unrhythmic.

"What are we gonna do?" I whimper nuzzling my face into his shoulder.

He adjusts his head so he can talk, pulling me even closer in the process. "I, I want you to stay, with me." He whispers.

I pull back, still close to him but far enough that I can look in his eyes. "I don't know." We switch and I wrap my arms around his neck and he moves his hands to around to my back. "I want to know but I just don't. I've been thinking non stop about it and I can't make up my mind."

"I want you-"

"I know." I cut in, a little more ruder than I intended. The more he talks the harder this gets. My thoughts are in a whirlpool that won't stop spinning.

"No, let me finish." I nod a little as another tear falls. "I want you, to do what you want. Forget what I want, forget what Rebekah said, what Sam said, what Jenn said. What do you want?"

I pull away from the hug again and rest my forehead on his. My hands rest on his cheeks and his hands rest on my hips. "I want..." I let out a breath and start to cry. "The only thing I know right now is my name is Aly and I'm cold." I let my head fall straight on his chest. He looks down, tucking my head under his chin. Clearly upset, he rubs my back and hushes me as my sobs become louder and his unrhythmic breathing becomes more noticeable. I look up at his eyes, he rubs the tears away with his thumb, tucking my hair behind my ear. "...and I know, that I love you." His eyes shoot up at and lock onto mine as they slowly turn blue. "I want you." I manage to get out with the shakiest voice ever.

He smiles and lifts me off my feet spinning me around, I giggle throwing my head back and he smiles letting my feet touch the ground. "I love you so much." I breathe in through my teeth as our faces move closer together. He leans down and kisses me, my stomach's butterflies dance around like they did before, like nothing bad had ever happened. He pulls away and hugs me so tight I can barely stand. "I love you so so much don't ever forget that alright?"

"I love you too." My tears almost feel like they're frozen on my face. "Hunt I'm cold, and you have to go." I say even though now that I feel like this again I don't want him to go.

"I know and I don't want to." He says nuzzling his face into my snow covered hair even more. "Come to the airport with me?"

"Hunt thats going to make it harder for the both of us." I say wiping away a frozen tear.

"I haven't ever been more in love with you. I'm not letting go until you agree to come with me." I call his bluff and try to push him off, unsuccessful.

"Get off me you oaf!" I laugh pushing on him.

He pulls away and looks at me. "I'm gonna miss you so much. Now get in."

"Hunter no." I say sternly.

"Fine then I'm not leaving this spot." I look at him for a second and ram into him. He moves about a quarter of a millimeter.

I shoot him a glare. "Fine." I huff.

"You're so cute when you're mad." He cheeses. I hold in my smile and hop into the passenger side. "You're nose gets all scrunched up and you shake your head around, its adorable." He giggles before shutting the door.

He runs around and hops into the drivers side rubbing his hands together to warm them up.  I just shake my head and laugh as we drive away.