Finding Myself; The Man in The Mirror

Chapter 5 "Reece"

In this chapter I will talk about "Reece." I would say she's my work best friend. I can talk to her about anything. I don't know why I was so nervous to tell her that I was transgender. I guess my anxiety was getting the best of me. I kept holding it off as many times that I been alone with her. I just didn't understand what was holding me back. I guess it was just the fear of rejection. I didn't want to lose her as a friend.

One night we went out for her birthday and it was weighing heavy on my heart. We had dinner and we all joked together then went out for drinks after. It was half way through the night and of course the alcohol was getting to me. When I get drunk I start to be more verbal and don't hold anything back. That is exactly what happened.

"Reece" and I went up to get another drink. As we were walking back I can't remember exactly how our conversation started, but I remember saying to her like I did with "B" that there was something I needed to get off my chest. I could feel myself getting emotional. A lumped formed in my throat and I didn't know if I was going to be able to tell her. It was in the back of my mind that she was going to be like "What?" That wasn't what she said at all.

As I stood there looking at her my knees going weak I said to her "I'm transgender." Her response was "Your still you. That's not going to change." I felt like I could finally breathe. That lump wasn't in my throat. She looked at me and asked if I was going to tell her husband, his brother, and his sister in law. I wasn't for sure how they would take it especially the guys. I was nervous again as we walked back over to the table.

"Reece" told them that I had something to tell them. So they all looked at me. "Whatever you say is not going to change how they feel about you." Reece said. I took a sip of my drink and just said it. They were all welcoming and I went around and hugged them. It meant a lot and I don't think they know exactly how much. "Reece's" husband asked me what I wanted my name to be. I told him Tobias it was the name I felt comfortable with.

I thought about on New Year's how they both kissed me on the cheek. I remember whispering to "Reece" after I told them "Would that make them gay?" Of course at this point I'm drunk and can't stand straight. "Reece" laughed. It's moments like that I will remember. They are amazing people and I'm just glad that they are in my life.

I'm also going to point this in her what "Reece's" husband had said to me a year or so down the road. It was something that some people may find offensive, but I didn't so I don't want you all to be offended. We joke around a lot and shove each other. I believe we were at a bingo standing in line to get him when I shoved him or something he turned to me and dead serious look on his face "now that your a man I can hit you back." I literally laughed so hard and looked at him "I appreciate that comment." To me it shows that he sees me as one of the guys! That is a great feeling.