Finding Myself; The Man in The Mirror

Chapter 4 "B" and "Boo"

This chapter is dedicated to two people we will call them "B" and "Boo." She knows who she is. She was honestly one of the people I wasn't expecting to react the way that they did. I didn't have to tell her. She just kind of already knew. We were talking and I said something along the lines I needed to get something off my chest but I wasn't sure how. She looked at me and said "You're trans."

I immediately started to cry. I wasn't expecting her to somehow already know. It meant a lot to me and I don't think she even knew that. I hugged her and she's like "I'm sure you can tell "Boo". I'm sure that she will be okay with it. Heck she may already know." 

It felt like a bunch of weight was lifted off of my shoulders. It's hard. You never know how someone is going to react. I even told "B" that I haven't told my family yet. She was like "I know before your sister." I said "Yes." "B" knew my sister from when she use to work with us. She hasn't told anyone about what we talked about. It meant a lot. I hope when the time comes that she too will be in my corner.

"Boo" came out from the back of the room and I pulled her aside out of view of people so I could tell her. I know "Boo" asked me before when she was doing dishes if I was transgender. I didn't know how to respond to her because the question kind of threw me off guard. Anyways so we are standing there and I look at her. "You asked before and I didn't give you a straight answer. I'm transgender." I said.

I can't remember what exactly she said but we hugged and she was okay with it. I told her how my goal was to at least tell one to two people a day. That was when "B" said "Look you told two of us. Your done for the day."

So far everyone has been accepting of the fact. It's just hard for me to tell family because when I came out as "lesbian" I lost the man that was my so called father. We still don't have a relationship to this day. Now if I have to come out all over again and being transgender, I guess I'm afraid how they will react. I don't want to lose any more people then I already have. 

My family knows that I'm hiding something they just don't know what. It's scary. I been moody. I been depressed because I am keep it all a secret from them. They constantly ask me if I'm okay and I just say yeah. Truth is I'm not. I don't think I will be until I tell them the truth on who I am. I need them to know that I'm a man. I know there is a long journey ahead of me from surgery to starting testosterone. 

I know I can't keep hiding who I am. I know I need to tell people. It was so easy for me to tell "Boo". "B" already knew. I mean if my family has an idea no one has said anything. 

I still got a lot of more people to tell. My journey is just beginning. It's going to be a long one but in the end I will be the man I know I am suppose to be. I will be able to finally see that man in the mirror.