Jasmine and Megan have always been best-friends since childhood. Now that they are older, they are both YouTube sensations who live together. The problem is Megan's annoying as hell twin brother, Jaxon. He's moving back to Florida for a job and need...
A few days after being confronted by Jaxon and Megan, I took the initiative to make an appointment with Dr. Yang, a well renowned doctor who specialized in women's mental health.
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(A picture of Dr. Yang^)
During our initial therapy session, I felt the nervousness run down my spine since I didn't know what to expect. I'd never been to a shrink before so my nerves were jittery and on edge. The thought of opening up to a complete stranger made me hesitant. Would this even work with someone as screwed up as I was?
When I entered Dr. Yang's office, I was greeted by a woman in her mid 30's. The office itself wasn't what I'd expected a therapy office to look like. Instead of a being a cold generic room that lacked personality, I entered into an inviting room that felt intimate and cozy. Dr. Yang's office actually looked like a normal room that could be located inside any normal home. There was a beautiful blue accent wall that was decorated with a collage of artwork. Along this same wall, there was a large white comfy looking coach that Dr. Yang insisted I sit on while she sat in a leather brown chair that was parallel to me. We were separated only by a modern white coffee table.
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(Dr. Yang's office^)
Dr. Yang sat down with a warm smile on her face as she crossed her legs and peered at me. I adjusted myself and felt a little more comfortable now that I was finally here. Her voice was calm and soothing as she introduced herself and welcomed me in.
"Hello Jasmine and welcome to the Woman Mental Health center of Fort Lauderdale. I've read over your initial patient survey and it seems like you know yourself pretty well and you've thought about what you may want to talk about in these sessions. The fact that you've taken this step to show up here tells me that you have an abundance of courage. If you don't mind, I'm going to ask you some questions, and take notes about what you're saying so that I can keep everything fresh in my memory. Oh, and feel free to interrupt me at any time or steer the conversation to where you need it to go. So lets begin. In your mind, what brings you here today?"
I nervously fidgeted with my fingers as I began to explain in detail all of the shit I'd been going through for the past few months. I expressed my deep seated feelings of regret and my irrationality when it came to making life altering decisions. I explained my tendencies to push loved ones away instead of leaning on them for moral support. I let her know that I was sure that my mental state had deteriorated so badly that I was convinced I couldn't have a healthy relationship. I brought up Jaxon as a prime example of this. I mean, come on...I could barely even take care of myself much more foster a nourishing relationship with anyone else. Throughout this entire consultation, Dr. Yang never seemed to be judging me as she jotted down her notes. I was thankful for that. The last thing I needed was more anxiety on top of the anxiety I was already experiencing.
"Alright, now I will ask you some questions to better understand how you view yourself." I nodded and Dr. Yang proceeded.
"You mentioned that you seem to self sabotage relationships in your life as well as run away from scenario's that make you uncomfortable. Would you describe yourself as an optimist or a pessimist? How do you feel when a problem pops up unexpectedly?" I chewed on my bottom lip as I pondered Dr. Yang's questions. The thought of Jaxon jumped into my mind once again.
"Urgh! If I'm being completely honest and I I look at my history, I'm more of a pessimist." I shook my head slowly back and forth as I continued. "Right before coming here, I pushed my boyfriend away because I reasoned with myself that it was impossible for us to work through my issues. That sounds pretty pessimistic if you ask me." I shook my head in regret. I knew that this time was different. This time I had to stand by my actions because Jaxon made it very clear that he was DONE! Why was I like this? Why did I have to push him away? Dr. Yang nodded her head in understanding and scribbled something into her notebook before glancing back at me.
"I want you to realize that your feelings aren't right or wrong, good or bad, and that every problem has a way of making us feel one way or another. So, how does being a self-described pessimist typically make you feel? Do you feel sad, mad, hopeless, stuck or what?" Again, these were all good questions.
"Can I say all of the above?" I asked.
"Yes, and I want you to know that you're feelings are valid. From what you've told me, you've been through a lot in a short amount of time and I believe you've come to the right place to help you cope. This will take time, but by setting positive goals and reaching those milestones, we can help you take back control over your mental health. Over the next few months you'll learn how to build and maintain positive relationships as well as cope with difficult situations. One last question. You've mentioned your boyfriend multiple times." I cleared my throat and corrected Dr. Yang.
"You mean my ex-boyfriend." and she nodded her head.
"My apologies, you're ex-boyfriend. He seemed like a positive influence in your life. Do you have any expectations on rebuilding that relationship?" I bit my lip again as Jaxon's words echoed in my mind. Jaxon made it perfectly clear that he was done. And honestly? I didn't blame him. Jaxon didn't deserve the way that I'd been treating him. He was someone who would put his all into our relationship while I gave us the bare minimum. Jaxon deserved someone better than me. He deserved someone capable of reciprocating the same level of love that he exuded. By the time I probably gained control of my sanity, he probably would already have found someone else who was capable of doing what I could not. And so, I let Jaxon go. I didn't chase him, I didn't fight for our relationship, and instead, I focused on healing myself.
I couldn't even answer Dr. Yang verbally. I felt choked up as I nodded my head no. Thankfully, she seemed to understand my position.
"It's Okay Jasmine." She handed me a tissue. "It's okay to feel overwhelmed. This is why you are here. It's good that you are crying since it helps to release the pent up stress that you may be feeling. In our next meeting, we will set clear goals and we will talk about the best course of action. I want you know that it is commendable that you took the initiative to seek therapy. This will take time, but over the next few months, we will see improvement."
With that being said, when we concluded, I walked out of Dr. Yang's office with a renewed sense of hope. Maybe it wasn't too late for me after all.
